For those who are angry about being adopted...would you rather???

Question

It seems like there are quite a few angry adoptees that make statements about unfairness, buying babies, etc....

so my question is- since all of that did so much damage to you, would you prefer to not be here at all? Would it have been better to have been aborted?

Answer 1

Frankly I have mixed feelings about this.  Sometimes I think yes, sometimes no.

But pray, why is this question directed toward adoptees only?

Would you rather not be here at all?  Would you rather have been aborted?  Because I know a married couple who had two children they kept, raised, and loved very much--and then aborted TWICE because they knew they could not handle more than two kids.  

Abortion is not something that women you don't approve of choose instead of adoption because they somehow know their kid would have grown up to be an angry, "ungrateful" adoptee.  It is chosen by a great many women (about one-third of US women in their childbearing years) under a great many different circumstances.  

Really, why do I, as an adoptee, have anymore obligation than a non-adoptee to be grateful not to have been aborted?  It could have happened to you just as easily as it could me.  Does that mean you can never be angry at your parents, or angry about the circumstances surrounding your birth, or angry about your upbringing, or angry about social injustice?  Do you spend your life in a constant state of gratitude for having been allowed to be born? Well, neither do I.  And nobody should.  Capisce?

Answer 2

I was adopted.not quite bought but my parents were married  before the met eachother and my mom had my sister and i and my father now had some children with his prior wife. then they both were divorced and later married eachother.it had to have been the best thing to happen to me.I have a great mom and dad and i dont see my biological father.my mom told me he was addicted to drugs and was abusive.being adopted has been the best thing to happen to me.

(my father now adopted my sister and i so we could share the same last name as him and my mom)its wonderful

adoption is great.you go from someone who could care less about you to some one who thinks you are the world.people who are adopted should cherish that they have people who care so much for them.

Answer 3

im glad :)

Answer 4

abortion wasn't an option for my mother. If she didn't surrender me she would have kept me.

Adoption isn't an alternative to abortion.

That being said, I spent a great portion of my life wishing I had been aborted, essentially I WAS ABORTED.

I lost my entire life, my identity, my family, my ancestry, my heritage, my siblings, my parents, i lost ME. I lost EVERYTHING, and they lost me. That IS aborted, only I had to go on living with it every day hearing idiot questions like yours above.

sit on that for a bit.

Answer 5

Yup.

Satisfied?

Now go take a Midol and quit your angry ranting already, Oh Happy One.

Answer 6

Me personally?  No. Would you rather have been aborted than be here?

eta:

Mom of 4, you say you are directing this to any people who may be unhappy with their lives and happen to be adopted. Do you think it's appropriate to ask non-adopted people who are unhappy with their lives if they'd rather have been aborted?  What is the difference?

Anyway,  I'm actually quite happy with my life -- great husband, job, family, etc.  Just because I don't like certain laws and practices in adoption doesn't make me an unhappy person.  Those laws and practices affect me and other adopted people and I'll work to change them.  

I don't get this sort of thinking at all.  

I'll bet there are a lot of folks in the U.S. who will be glad to see a new President come.  But, just because they don't like the President doesn't make them unhappy people.

eta:

Wow, so mom of 4, you would ask this sort of question to anyone who was unhappy, as long as you deem their unhappiness to be without adequate foundation?  Talk about unenlightened and lacking compassion!  You'd make a great addition to any funeral, hospital, hanging...

Answer 7

To answer your question, yes, I would rather not be here.  However, since I am, I might as well make the best of my time.  

So, if we're 'all wonderfully made for a purpose here on earth,' that should apply to 'angry adoptees' as well.  Maybe we're here to enlighten others about what it's like to be adopted.

Oops, sorry, I said I wasn't going to answer your questions anymore.  But, wait.  You directed this question towards angry adoptees.  

I'm confused, what do you want again?

Answer 8

why does it have to be one or the other?  why can't we just wish our mothers had kept us?

plkease don't go on about how poor they were.  most of us don't care about financial comfort.  we care about the fact that we miss our mothers.

why don't you read "primal wound" and get caught up.

Answer 9

It all depends on how you were told about the adoption. I was adopted and my adopted mother told me since I was born that I was her special miracle, (since she could not have children of her own). When I was able to sit up she would read me books about adoption, she would constantly tell me the story of it, so I grew up and I was fine and dandy with it. I had no urge to meet my birth parents, and I didn't feel sad or bad or whatever.

My best friend when I was in elementary school was also adopted. Her mother didn't wind up telling her until she was about 13-14 years old. Her name was Jessica as well and she then broke down mentally. Her entire life she thought she was someone she wasn't and she then got into gangs, drugs, violence all because her mother held this gigantic secret from her. She was no longer a Jewish girl. Her birth mother was from Chile so all of a sudden Jessica started hanging around with the Spanish and Black kids and dressing like a thug.

It all depends on how the parents tell their kids, and they should always tell them as soon as possible.

Answer 10

After what I went threw in the system and the years of abuse and repeated abandonment by AP's in between.....

My answer is yes. Anything would have been better then the nightmares, the memories from every time I see my body in the mirror and see the scars all over my body. Or when I look at my mangled hands or when I read posts that promote this broken system and people pretend like it okay... when in their hearts they know it's not.

But that is not the way it went. So I make the best of it. My life is dedicated to making sure others do not have to survive threw what I did.

Answer 11

HYA mom of 4!

I see what your saying here, And i 100% agree with you. You get the ones who MOAN on here without giving a second thaught about people who have been abused and have a right to moan.! Stop whineing!!! So your adopted......boohoo for you. Me too, but you get on with it. I hope you get your records too, but in the mean time its not all bad

Answer 12

I was lucky to have great adoptive parents so I am glad my birth mom didn't have an abortion

Answer 13

Ya know what? I am one seriously pissed off adoptee. I'm pissed that I lost both my Moms, I'm pissed that I had to wait 21 years to meet my little sister, I'm pissed about other adoptees not being able to find their families, I'm pissed that some are denied their own birth certificates, I'm pissed that people think they are owed another woman's child, I'm pissed that there are ignorant people like YOU out there.

I DO NOT wish I was aborted. Had all us "angry" adoptees been aborted who would be left to fight for the rights of the rest?

Answer 14

How rude.

My first mom never considered aborting me.  How dare you assume that?

Is that a nice thing to say to anyone, let alone someone who is adopted?  You are making a very biased and untrue assumption.

I know for a fact that my mother never for a second considered abortion.

What makes you think you can ask someone a question like that?

So I'll turn it right back on you.

Would YOU have rather been aborted?

And to answer your question, it would have been nice if my firstmom would have been able to parent me.  It would be nice to have had access to my records for all these years. I have them now but it would have been nice to know some things when we were trying to diagnose my son's asthma. It would be nice to have the same rights as everyone else in the grand country of ours.  It didn't happen, I've dealt with it.

ETA: I answered your question directed specifically at those you deem angry (even though I'm not really "angry" more disgruntled and disillusioned).  And you are complaining because I answered?

How does that work?

You asked a question and I answered.  And because you don't like my answer, it's suddenly irrelevant.

Nobody wanted to abort me!  My life was never in danger!  I deserve to be alive just like anybody else.  I am a worthy person, whether I think adoption is the bees knees or not.

You didn't ask a question, you are trying to threaten adoptees who don't agree with you with a BIG lie.

In most cases women who chose to place their child never even considered abortion.  Do some research and stop the threats.

Answer 15

they've gotta understand that these parents took them in when they Had no were else to go

a very close friends of mine is and he doesn't regret a thing , he still See's his biological parents the odd time

and he knows his life would've been far less better if he stayed with them , (they do coke and often complain that there forced to see there son because he found where they live)