For those who are homeschooling, would you still homeschool if all of the other homeschoolers you met were...?

Question

weird? Anti-social? Uneducated?

I know, probably a strange question, but I have strange thoughts pop into my head at strange times. :)

I have met homeschoolers whose behaviours and education one might deem "questionable". And I don't mean those who would be different regardless of where they were schooled, but those whose parents had a fairly laissez-faire approach to raising their kids. If those were the only homeschoolers I knew, I'd still homeschool. We'd probably be a little more hard-pressed for daytime social activities ;), but I'd still homeschool. Why? Because the situation has been completely analyzed by me and I'm quite convinced that it's not homeschooling that did it, but how those parents are raising their kids. Which brings in a sub-question:

Do you learn from other homeschoolers' "mistakes"? Do you see something that you think gives homeschoolers a bad rap and make sure that your kids DON'T turn out like that?

Answer 1

yes because that means they really didn't try most home schools  are smarter the ones that fail are not going about it in the right way you must be extremely dedicated have a learning adult as your guide mentor and teacher it is a wonderful program not full of weirdos but smart kids for a smart future!!

Answer 2

I don't think I would even though the main reason we decided to homeschool was because of academics.  My son was not learning in school....but....it was very encouraging to me to meet so many bright, friendly, and well adjusted young people who homeschooled.   They were just normal kids who learned at home rather than in a school building..  

I am very 'sold' on homeschooling, but if ALL I knew were anti-social, uneducated and weird homeschooled children then I would not have confidence in myself that I could guide our son through to adulthood without the help of the public school.    Other people's success with homeschooling keeps me encouraged and focused on the goal.

I work in the public school so I know that their are weird, anti-social and uneducated people there...but they are not ALL that way.

Answer 3

Why not? I met some "weird" public school kids and parents and that did not stop me from sending my kid to public school. I will admit, I made sure to meet some homeschool families before I started homeschooling. I had read books and heard the rumors and stereotypes. I wanted to see first hand what homeschooling looked like in action. I admit to spying on the kids at homeschool meetings and listening to them interact. I guess I liked what I saw. But my choice ultimately came down to, did I truly feel this was the best option and did I have faith in my family. In both cases, the answer came back, yes.

Answer 4

I know some _major_ freak jobs. Three families, five kids. One family has an excuse: they're premature triplets with a physically tiny mother. However, they're 13 and while one of them is maybe about 10 years old mentally, the others act like four-year olds. They've been taking a remedial math class with a tutor for a year and are still struggling with single-digit addition. The really creepy thing? Their parents don't realize anything's wrong. My cousin is a special ed teacher and thinks they're autistic; my friend's brother is autistic and she agrees.

The other two are just plain screwed up. One kid's family has literally no rules, because they don't want the kid to blindly submit to authority. So, she bosses her parents around, and since she only wanted to eat candy and didn't brush her teeth, she's got a few gaps. The other kid is 13 and still plays with My Little Pony stuff. Her mother thinks that sugar is a poison, and monitors every breath that kid takes. It's really bordering on neglect, or is already.

My parents have been pretty loose with me and my sister -a bit looser than I'd like, actually- but we aren't anywhere near those kids. My sister and I are pretty normal 15-year olds.

The decision wasn't mine to make -though I think it was a good one- but I think that even if all the other homeschoolers in my area were like that, it still beats going to school. Besides, there are always afterschool classes and groups you can join where you meet people who are more normal.

Answer 5

I was against homeschooling initially.  I did not go to school from grades 2 to 5.   I felt extremely negative about it.  My siblings did not learn,  we had no socializing and did not ever fit back in to society.  We were also isolated and brought up 'weird.'    It was a huge decision to homeschool my last 2 kids.  My first children had an abysmal education from the traditional school and the only homeschoolers I had seen were "odd".      Fortunately, there was a great homeschooling community available (just an hour north of you, Glurpy) so I had some wonderful role models.  But, yeah, I did feel like a nut for the first couple of years.  It's been 7 years now, most of the homeschoolers we have met, if not all have been concerned parents who wanted the best for their children.  They used different approaches and materials; but that only demonstrates the individuality of each family.   We've left that comforting environment now and are wandering alone in the western wilderness.    

    But to answer your question. Yes I still would homeschool.  Not because of what I perceived of home education, but what I KNOW of public education.   The general populace is just not sufficiently aware of all the options for education, and unfortunately, they only see the stereotypes and not the reality of home educating.    

   Unfortunately, due to family and financial stress I have succumbed and sent one child to a small private school and would send the other if she wasn't so resistant to the idea.  Why?  Because we are turning into all that is negative about homeschoolers and I don't want to go that route.  I believe in homeschooling 100% but the reality was only about 20%.

Answer 6

Earl D posted:

<<We can make broad generalizations all we like but on Homeschool section we have 16 year old kids who got accepted into Stanford

and in the Primary and Secondary school catagories we have 17 year old girls who finished their AP and Honors classes who are kept in school because you have to be in 12th grade to graduate.

Why is it a crime to keep 17 year old girls out of college in brick school because they did all their work by grade 11, while homeschoolers who are 16 (technically in grade 10) get to go to an Ivy school like Stanford?>>

Why would a kid have to be kept in a traditional school just because they were ready to graduate and the system wouldn't allow it? Parents do have the option of pulling them out! I would never let me kid stay in a school for another year (or more) because he wasn't the age or grade to graduate. If they are ready, they are ready.

On to the questions form the original asker: I have met a lot of strange homeschoolers (strange to me, that is.). Folks who homeschool to keep their kids "safe." Folks who do so because they want to completely control who their kids are around. Our family did not take these types of people into consideration when deciding to homeschool - we chose to because it was the best option for our oldest son (and eventually for the younger two).

I do like to hear what other more experienced homeschoolers have gone through. This has been especially helpful as our boys have gone through high school (and college at the same time). Other parents we knew had lots of experience and wisdom to share and I did  - and do continue to -listen to them!

Answer 7

I know brick schoolers who are Goths, Metal Heads, Head Bangers, Punkers, n***s, communists, racists, members of the NRA, members of the Republican Party, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Born Again Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists.

Should we ban brick school because of them?

I know brick public High School Graduates who think that Denmark is a City and the Capital of New York is New Jersey

Should we revoke their diplomas!

I talked to kids in brick school who think now J--w is a good J--w and no ***-er is a good ***-er

Should we expell them?

1/3 the world is Christains 1/2 the world believes in Creation by God but they are denied learning this in school, should we change that?

Only 10% or less of the world is Atheist, so why is Darwin taught?

I was taught Pluto WAS a planet by my Teachers, were they wrong?

We can make broad generalizations all we like but on Homeschool section we have 16 year old kids who got accepted into Stanford

and in the Primary and Secondary school catagories we have 17 year old girls who finished their AP and Honors classes who are kept in school because you have to be in 12th grade to graduate.

Why is it a crime to keep 17 year old girls out of college in brick school because they did all their work by grade 11, while homeschoolers who are 16 (technically in grade 10) get to go to an Ivy school like Stanford?

Answer 8

Yes, I would. As you pointed out, it is the parenting that makes a kid turn out "weird" or not. I have met a lot of "weird" public schoolers as well. My daughter is actually taking half her classes as the school now. I needed help with Spanish and ROTC. I choose to let my daughter, with whom I am VERY involved with, go and associate with "weird" and not so "Weird" public schoolers and she is doing fine socially and academically.

Answer 9

Question 1: For me, the answer is "it depends."

If ALL of the other homeschoolers I met were weird, anti-social, uneducated, it seems one of two things must be true: 1) I need to widen my circle; 2) or, all or most homeschoolers are weird, anti-social and uneducated.

Now, if #1 was true, then no problem.  I would still (have) decided to homeschool.

If #2 was true, I would have found another alternative to public school such as private.

How would I know which was true?  Research.

I think if #2 was true (all or most weird and such) then during the decision making process I would not see success stories, contest winners, scholarship winners, college admissions and so on...

And if it were the case that others were unable to achieve success then I don't think I would be arrogant enough to think that I would be able to.   Plus if the overwhelming evidence was that homeschoolers were uneducated etc. then colleges would not admit them, employers would not hire them, etc.

I would not want to knowingly disadvantage my child's future and that is what I would be doing if #2 were true.

----

Do I learn from other homeschoolers' mistakes???

I try to learn from their successes - same for parenting skills / styles.

Plus, as far as mistakes of other people go, I think one must be careful before passing judgment about other's parenting decisions.

I *try* to keep in mind that I don't really know the whole story - even if it is a family with which I am close.

Even so...

There is one family of which I am aware although I don't really know them that really (from my limited perspective) seem to shelter their high school aged child.  The kid doesn't know what a college entrance exam is ... his parents have already planned for him to attend an unaccredited (Christian) college that does not care about SAT or ACT ... and quite a few other things that, from my worldview, seem weird .

I don't think I have seen anything that is inherent to homeschooling that is deserving of a bad rap for all.

**UPDATE: I read and answered this as a "what if" not a "what is" question.

I'm as convinced as anyone about what is the truth about homeschooling.

Answer 10

Yes, I would.  My decision to homeschool didn't have anything to do with homeschooling families around me; it had to do with the needs of my child.  It's nice to have like-minded homeschooling families near, but I'd have made the same choice even if they weren't.

I didn't make the decision to be a parent based on the choices of other parents (or non-parents), and I didn't make the decision on who to marry based on what other women my age did.  I didn't make the decision to believe what I do based on what anyone else thought, and I won't change any of these things based on what other people do or think.  

I think that's the crux of being a responsible adult - my choices are made based on what I know and feel is right.  That's why I'm given freedom and responsibilities in the first place; if all of my choices are going to be dictated by what other people do, or don't do, what's the point?

Good question!

Answer 11

It worried us in the beginning... We had known only one homeschooler personally (because sadly at the time my only friends came from public school or attended public school, save for this one girl and her brother.) She was definitely an odd bird. Overly religious in my opinion (spent a good ammount of time trying to scare the younger kids on the block, myself included, into thinking that we're going to h**l because we all dress up for halloween and have parties in school) She was very confrontational. Had to be right about everything, and if you could ever prove that she wasn't... Well she'd mock you about it and really just try to wear you down. She had an obsession wtih getting dirty. Always had to have dirt and mud all over her if we were playing outside, and would even take other kids' water bottles at the park to make more mud. If I ever had a new toy or doll with me that I wanted to keep clean, I always put it away before she came out to play. If there was ever a little playground arguement about how goes first in a game or who called dibz on the good swing or the slide first and she didn't get her way, she'd go to her mom and within an hour every kid in the neighborhood had this girl's mother knocking at their door demanding to talk to their parents about their "unacceptable behavior". Once after we were all playing kickball in a big empty lot in the neighborhood, her mom came to my house because no one would give her a "do-over" when she didn't get to first base fast enough. My mom told hers that "kids will be kids. You need to let them work these things out themselves. Then a year later when the girl beat me up and bullied me because of my blindness her mom spitefully gave mine the same response. When she got a bit older she turned into a total rebel. Got in to really dark things like reading about brainwashing and psychological abuse tactics, started smoking ciggarettes and weed and using mushrooms, gave up on everything she had going for her educationally (stopped doing homeschooling and dropped out of all her college classes), started giving sexual favors to all the guys we'd meet at the movie theater, said and did RIDICULOUS things just to be cool, ditched all her younger friends to tag along with her older brother and his "adult" friends who couldn't stand her and eventually had to tell her off, and alienated everyone (myself included) who after all these years still tried very hard to be friends with her.

Now I am certainly not saying this is what happens to your kids when they're homeschooled. Her mother was a bit of a nut in my opinion, but her father--though whipped--was a good man, and her brother came out perfectly "normal" and well educated/socialized. I don't think this girl would have been quite the same had she gone to public school, but I don't think too much would have changed. But I don't know. Anyway, at the time she was the only homeschooler we had ever known, and so when homeschooling became an idea for us we (I especially) were terrified that we'd be falling into the same group she's in... That even if I didn't turn out like her, everyone would assume I was. It wasn't until I was a month or two into highschool and met a great group of highly intellegent, extremely well-adjusted homeschoolers whom I could actually relate to and who really seemed on the ball with everything (and whose parents weren't nuts. lol) that we started to realize we were drawing conclusions from very little evidence, and that homeschooling is only rarely what it was for my old neighborhood friend. We got involved in a homeschool group with 300+ kids, all of whom seem entirely "normal" for their ages, or if not that then they are exceptional and very mature for their ages. If they were all like Tisha, then I think maybe we wouldn't have been so excited about jumping into the homeschooling lifestyle, but that would have been a terrible shame. Public school was turning my brain to mush, and I needed the something more.

Answer 12

I would.  But I admit that I do see the faults in other homeschoolers and the homeschool stereotype and probably go out of my way a little to counteract those.  (I was homeschooled, am in college now, and plan to homeschool my future kids).

This question reminded me of when a homeschooled friend and I were talking about another homeschooled family... kids who were all very strange and had strange roles within their family.  My friend said, "You know, I think there are three types of homeschoolers.  There are the ones who are super geeky and win the spelling bees; the ones who just sit at home and never learn anything or talk to anybody; and then there are the ones like us, who you wouldn't really know were homeschooled unless you asked.  We're the normals!"

Looking back, I can't decide whether it's a good thing that you wouldn't know we were homeschooled, though.  I'm sure we know some things and have had some experiences that most kids haven't, but should there be some tell-tale sign that we had this strange, and as we like to think of it, superior education?  ....Nah, maybe not.  :-)