For those who believe that mothers requested anonymity when relinquishing their babies...?

Question

For those who believe that mothers requested anonymity when relinquishing their babies, Can you please site your sources for what leads you to believe that?

If no such documents are found to the effect of anonymity, then would you support the rights of adult adoptees to their own birth certificates? Why or why not?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Answer 1

Some but not all mothers request that. I think that the adoptive parents should provide the child whatever information they were given, including a birth certificate if possible. If the birth mother requests anonymity it shouldn't change when the child is an adult.

Answer 2

I take it you are not adopted, otherwise you wouldn't ask such a dumb question! Some birth mothers do request not to be contacted but that is such a small percent! most cases it's the law of the state or i should say the agency to keep us from the truth. Once an adoption takes place, all records pertaining to that adoption are sealed. Sometimes when the child gets to 18 they can request for their adoption records to be unsealed. However again it depends on the state that you are in. So, basically what you are saying is that you believe us adoptees of making up the fact that our records are sealed and we can't get to our birth mother. Unbelievable!

Answer 3

I think that if you do not allow mothers to have the option of anonymity when relinguishing rights to their child, I think you are opening up the possibility of endangering the child.

If a woman decides she cannot live as a mother to her unborn child - whether she was raped or whether her family believes unwed mothers to be a disgrace or whatever other horrible situation she may be in, would this woman then consider abortion if she could not be given the option of anonymity?

You cannot image why a woman would give up her child.  The reasons must be staggering and shocking.

I think that in order to protect both the mother and the child, we must be able to offer these woman a safe and discrete way out of a very difficult situation.

Answer 4

Imposed anonymity is exactly what it is. Rarely have I heard of a natural mom who wanted total secrecy until the end of time. I believe this goes back to being a form of coercion.  Women being told that to want any kind of relationship with their relinquished children is selfish and harmful to the child. What mother would willingly hurt her child to ease her own suffering? Not very many. So we go about our lives in silence, searching the faces of infants, children and then adults. Looking for features that resemble our own. What right do we have to walk back into our children's lives after we made the choice to "give them up"?. We have EVERY RIGHT! Coercion, coercion, coercion.

Adoptees NEED to be given the rights to their original unamended birth registrations and certificates. My god even registered animals get this when they leave for their new homes. We can see how twisted this debate has become by looking at the current state of adoption reform in Ontario. The voice of a few adoptees and natural mothers has outweighed the voice of THOUSANDS! Privacy has been cited and the courts hold back a legislation years in the making. Once again adoptees are pushed back in their fight to gain some sense of self. Every person on this planet has the right to know who they are, not the fabricated lies agencies and social workers concoct for us. We have the right to the truth for it is OUR truth and OUR lives.

Answer 5

i am an adoptee if you knew your name before they changed it you can get your birth certifiate with no trouble. sealed documents i think they should be given to them if its written for no questions asked. i thnk its a right we have to have our own records and that is what i believe. back then when records were sealed they felt it was for the kids benefit taking care to protect them but now days its different. i know its hard to deal with but i do have mine (certificate(

Answer 6

It might tear the birth mother's heart out, to have a chance to take back a child,  "a second chance to do right".

What if she is into crimes, or the sperm donor was a married man?

What if she was deported back to Cuba, Africa or Bangladesh?

There could be many possibilities.

Answer 7

I wonder if some of the stipulations to current bills concerning adoptees’ rights to access original birth certificates (at a certain age) are because of this very issue – a mother’s “right” to anonymity. I wonder if those who want anonymity (agencies/adoptive parents/???) have begun to realize that no one is buying the idea - that mothers wanted to remain anonymous - BECAUSE no documents have ever been brought forth to prove this. So, by adding stipulations (contact vetoes, etc.) to the bills…adoptees may access original birth certificate as long as the mother has NOT signed a legal document saying that she wants anonymity. But, hey, if an agency can convince a woman to relinquish her child, they can probably also convince her to sign a contact veto. Under laws such as these there will be documentation of women having asked for anonymity, whether or not she understands the consequences of this any more than the consequences of losing her child.

I would rather not see these stipulations put into place to begin with. The only up-side to this is that adoptees would have legal documents proving discrimination because, as you suggest, no one has the right to permanent anonymity.

Personally, I would like to see a single original and sole birth certificate naming the adoptee’s mothers and fathers – all of them.

Answer 8

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that I had two choices when it came to my children.  I wanted a "open" adoption.  I wanted to be able to remain in contact with them.  The other choice was a "closed" adoption which meant no contact other than what would be orderd in court, such as sending gifts and recieving pictures or letters from the adoptive parents.

After a long thought process, I came to the concusion that it would be better for the children to not see them.  They had enough to adjust to without me being there.

The adoptive parents knew the entire time who I was, what I was going through at the time, my background, etc.  As far as they were concerned, I did not have anonimity.  However,  I agreed at the time of the hearing that I did not have a problem with that because I saw it as a positive thing.  To this day my children know who I am, how I am doing, etc.  The adoptive parents dont act as though I dont exist.  Though every case is different, I would suggest talking to the department of Human Services. I feel only they can give you the best answer.  Keep in mind that ALL situations and circumstances are different so you might hear "it depends on the case"

Adoption is not an easy thing no matter what side of the coin you are on.  For me personally, it was the best decision for the children.

For now, the records are sealed, but the b irth certificates were changed to reflect the childrens new last name but I have the origianl.  The records will remain sealed unless when my son turns 18 he wishes to contact me.  

I hope this was useful to you.

Answer 9

In my state (WI) both the mother and father can ask for anonymity. There is some form that they can sign that says if they want to be contacted,or not, by the child. I am adopted and have been looking for my birth parents with no luck. I contacted the state and cannot even get my medical records. Everything is sealed-up. I have most of the papers dealing with my adoption. I have a birth certificate which I believe is the original. It has boy, my first name, but no parent information is there. There is a document with my weight, height, general info and at the end it says healthy baby boy. This is what my adoptive parents got as my medical history.

  Being adopted I of course think that I should be able to get all the information that I want, and to know who my birth parents are as well. But that is the selfish side of me. In reality I realize that maybe the mother and or father do not want to have contact, so who am I to disrupt their lives and make them re-live the decision they made all those years ago. I think I should be able to get any medical history or information that pertains to my life at the very least. This may be a little off topic but why is all the power with the birth parents? Does anyone think about the child in the future? Birth parents most likely know who the adoptive parents are and could check-up on the child if they wanted too. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

The original birth certificate remains unsealed and remains the only legal birth certificate until an adoption occurs and is finalized. It is not sealed at the time of relinquishment. If the child is never adopted, the original birth certificate remains the legal birth certificate. If the child is adopted, but the adoption fails, that is, the adoptive parents no longer wish to be the legal parents of a child they adopted, (sadly I know of some of those), the original birth certificate is unsealed and again becomes the legal birth certificate of that child.

Obviously, there is no promise or guarantee of anonymity for any birth parents under the law.

For many birth parents, the sealing of records came after they relinquished. They were told their children would have access to their records upon reaching adulthood. They were sadly shocked to find out the law changed on them.

As for birth parents' privacy, they have just as much privacy as anyone else. They have the right to pick and choose their relationships. But, our society allows for freedom of association. No one in our society is given a right to anonymity, though. Using birth parents, the great, great majority of whom are in favor of open records, as an excuse to seal records is a slap in the face to birth parents.

Adoptees would like to same right that all other adults have. It's plain and simple.

Answer 11

WHAT?

Here we go with the "adoption is the alternative" to abortion answer again.  

Nope.  What about PARENTING?

I have yet to read about or hear about or meet a birthparent who was guaranteed anonymity.  The only one who would benefit from anonymity is the adoptive parent.

Answer 12

In my state (Oklahoma) we have what is called an adoption registry.

Any birth mother or birth father is given a piece of paper that says "yes, I would like to reconnect if my children seek me" or "no, I do not want to reconnect if my children seek me".

So, I'll use my situation as an example.

Let's say my son and daughter, when adults, chose to want to see their birth mom again (no dad was in the picture), they would contact our state's adoption registry.

They would look up their case, and find the paper.

The facilitator would call back and either say "yes, your mom wants to be found, I'll attempt to contact her" or "no, I'm sorry, your mom chose not to be found".

I, however, have my children's birth certificates (the originals), as well as their adoptive birth certificates...and they remember their mom's name...but they were removed when they were 6 and 8 and adopted at 9 and 10, so they tend to know more about where they came from than some adoptees.

Obviously, this applies only to State involved adoptions, however, the paper does prove that the birth family either did or did not want to have contact when the child became an adult...no matter how old the child was when removed and subsequently adopted.