For those who don't want to see any reforms made to the U.S. adoption system?

Question

1) Most importantly, what are your specific fears concerning changes to the adoption system?

2) If those fears could be shown to be unfounded, would you then support changes?

3) What if the benefits (better ethics & accountability, greater happiness for the adoptee) outweighed your fears, then could you support reforms in adoption?

Thank you for all of your thoughts on this subject

Answer 1

I believe reform is needed for the US Adoption Process, but I also believe that some of the reforms that groups are asking to be made are a bit frightening for some adoptions.

I agree with sealed records to a point.  Until my son is 18 yrs of age, I do not want his bio family having access to any of his information because of identity theft.  We had to change his social security number because of this situation already, so I'm terrified that they will keep trying.  Once a child is 18 though, I believe the records should be unsealed and let the parties decide how they want to handle things.  

I also worry about the impact that some of the reforms may have on bio parents who are neglectful or abusive.  Not all bio parents are this way - in fact most are not, but there are some out there who should not have contact with the child until the child is ready.  

I am going to get crucified for this comment, but I need to be honest.  In addition to the reforms that people have stated above that are needed for both the adoptee and the bio parents, I believe some reform is also needed to protect and assist the adoptive family.  I believe that all adoptive families should have some type of counseling available to them post placement if needed.  Many agencies do not offer this.

In short, I think that adoption reform is good - as long as the child's safety and well-being is at the heart of the reform.  The child does not have a voice in the process (in most cases) so the reform we speak of needs to be the child's voice.

Answer 2

I think the only people against reform are the agencies who make billions of dollars praying of people who are desperatly wanting to be parents and women who are confused and have no idea what kind of business they are running.

I think that agencies should not be allowed to profit from an adoption. Yeah, charge for the necessary requirements. The "placement fee" should go to a foundation that educated women about their rights with an un-bias voice NOT TO THE DIRECTORS BMW PAYMENT.  Also who NEEDS little sandwhiches,chocolates and beverages during their adoption classes. It's all about SELLING their pitch. We never discused how much we would greive for the bio-family. I hurts. We did discuss Money of course, how great we were for chosing adiotion, and we met lots f people with great adoption stories. I learned more about adoption just by being a mom.

I am an adoptive mom and I fear NOTHING when it comes to reform. I think my son's b-mom needed a lot of post-placement counceling, but because it wasn't REQUIRED BY LAW she refused.

thanks for asking this question

Answer 3

Thanks Amy

OK here goes....

As for the reforms I am all for them the only one that would concern me is the legal binding open adoption. For I am sure 90% of the cases the birthmoms are wonderful and want what is best for the child. I think that it is great but I would also be concerned about the 10% of birth moms who are messing things up and their disruptive behaviour is not in the best interest of the child. The AP need a legal recourse if the BM is causing problems.

  As for the other I think they are all wonderful, I do think that when you adopt as the AP you have the right to change the name and have a new birth certificate but I do not understand the sealing of the records. Those should be available to both AP and adoptee from day one.

I agree about being able to check out the agency before hand. I know I have no desire to adopt a child that has a willing family...waiting for him or her.

As for the money..I agree 100% when you ask upwards of 10,000K for a child to me you are asking someone to buy a child. I do not blame anyone for this practice except the agencies. Most AP's are not to blame neither are most BM for this unethical pratice. The price for adopting should be filing fee's only. I am not sure I think it is fair to ask AP to pay for living expensises during pregnancy you are only leaving a crack for curroption to leak through.

So now to the orginial question

1. I have no fears about the changes except that I worry about to many chances for the BM if her interest is not the child's best interest.  Not all BM's can see how their behaviour could be stressful if not dangerous to a child.

2. My only fear is of a BM having to many chances in an open adoption. I know not all are drug addicts or have serious problems but there are some that are and AP's need to be able to do what is best for their child. I do not think that my fears are unfounded.

3. I do know that the benefits to adoption reform are in the best interest of the child and I do support it. As I said before my only fear is the few BM's who can't seem to get her life together, the child should not suffer because of this.

Answer 4

First reform is allowing adult adoptees to allow access to their records.  

Second reform if you as adoptive parents choose an open adoption, making it legally binding.  

Third reform, taking the money out of adoption.  If an adoption real cost is $7,000, removing the remaining chump change that the agency receives.  

Allowing the prospective adoptive parents to check out an agency before they go through an adoption.  I know Texas has a website through the CPS site that shows the current inspection reports, violation reports, and so forth on adoption agencies.  Its time to make them accountable to all of us living adoption.

I appreciate you changing your answer Freedom.

Answer 5

Specifically, which reforms are you referring to?  

My wife and I were involved in a very good adoption experience several years ago.

Answer 6

in addition to what's been stated, i would like to see longer revocation periods (for non-abusive f/b/n-moms); and the abolishment of immediate loss of parental rights.

1- i have no fears with longer revocation periods, but i can see where those who are paps or profit from adoption would take issue.

2-of course.  but the fears will always exist. as a matter of fact, many states are looking to do the opposite: enact legislation to make termination immediate and irreversable.

3-the benefits to the adoptee (and b/f/n-mom) are that they are not separated.  as many of the adoptees have pointed out, there is a natal bond that exists and should be preserved, if possible.

also, i'd like to add that most of the b/f/n-moms who are affected by this legislation are not drug addicted nor harmful to the child. most are quite healthy, just simply young, scared, and unmarried.

although i understand the angst that aparents face while waiting out the time, i do think that longer periods of time, will ensure that the mother is sound in her decision. many variables cause a mother to place her child.  some of these variables are temporary.  by allowing more time, she can make an informed decision rather than spend the rest of her life regretting her decision.  

before the thumbs-down brigade attacks me for wanting to disrupt the lives of children, i'd like to posit that the women we often hear about who "kidnap" their biological children after adoption placement probably would not have done so, if they'd had more time to legally change their minds.

i mean, even puppies and kittens are allowed to stay with their moms up to eight weeks until they are adoptable.

what's the rush?

Answer 7

I am up for a lot of changes to "the system".  As I do agree that children should be allowed to see their records and such, I think it should depend on the situation as to what age they are allowed to view them.  In my case, I truly hope that my little one only finds out the good things about his parents as they are few and far between!  And the "bad stuff" I would prefer him to know when he is much older and can comprehend his situation instead of making snap decisions...I think the changes need to come from higher ground...(my govenor is getting a letter today) and laws need to become more strict when it comes to dealing with adoptions / children and/or adults trying to find their past to go on with their futures  along with TPR's / visitation laws...