For those who have adopted: If the biological mother used substances during the pregnancy, are you angry?

Question

For those who have adopted: If the biological mother used substances during the pregnancy, are you angry?

Answer 1

I would be lying if I said not at all. I am a little, but not AT her, just at the situation. I am mostly sad for both of them. I am sure she feels tremendous guilt, and I don't know how he will feel about it someday.

I pray she will learn to forgive herself and that our son does too.

I am angry towards the docs for not helping her more, and a little at her friends for thinking it was funny, no doubt they are the same ones  judging her after he was born sick.

Answer 2

some what angry of course it affects your child.

but its your child you love them regardless..

i was born with drugs in my system and my mom loves me the same..lol

Answer 3

Yes it makes me angry. I love my daughter soo much, anything or anyone that could put such a beautiful child in danger makes me angry and a little bit sick.

Answer 4

ETA:  Sorry, I was talking about myself, and then re-read the question...let me edit...

We are adopting through the foster care system, and so there is a good chance that our children will have FASD.  I don't know how I will feel when I am in that place, but from caring for kids in a residential treatment facility and in other capacities, I think I can be pretty confident that I won't be angry.  My feeling is that it's the child's responsibility to decide how s/he feels about his/her own parents and their actions.  My focus is on the kids, what they need, and the present moment.  

Back to my previous answer...

No, I'm not.  Maybe I ought to be, I don't know.  But in my own life, there was so much more to worry about.  My parents were abusive (which I AM angry about), they are addicts (which I was angry about as a child and teenager), they are selfish and can't see past their own noses (which I'm REALLY angry about)...the fact that my mother, at 18 years of age, didn't know that she was hurting me (or maybe didn't care  because she was too busy partying and sleeping around on my dad) is the least of my worries.  It does, however, make me REALLY angry that she never stopped to think that maybe my behavior wasn't because I was a "bad" kid - but that maybe all that drinking while she was pregnant caused some brain damage and I CAN'T do the things normal kids can do.  

I didn't put together the dots until I was almost 30, so maybe that's another piece of it.  I'm not angry about what my parents did when I was little, or still in the womb.  They didn't know about FASD back then.  What angers me is that my mother used my brain damage as a convenient excuse to abuse me, and never stopped to ask why I acted the way I did, repeatedly, no matter how many beatings I got.

What infuriates me even more is that when my brother was displaying the same behavior...they took him to the hospital and doctor repeatedly, got him on medication, and tried to get him proper treatment.  Of course, my mother never admitted that she drank during her pregnancy, so he never got proper treatment, but the fact that he seemed to be more "worthy", or that they paid more attention to him than me...yeah, that kinda smarts.

Answer 5

I think its bad when someone adopts and exposes another womans child to drugs, rape, molestation, physical and emotional abuse or murder.

I find it odd that some Aps support a-moms feeding children drugs through breast milk induced by using drugs.

How are these Aps passing home studies.  

Hmm. The vicious cycle never ends.

I wonder what those natural mothers are thinking about that myth "a better life for the child".  

Answer 6

We have 2 adopted children, and the biological mother and father of our daughter used drugs, and her bio father died from hepatitis before she was born.   When our daughter's birth mom found out that she was pregnant, she "supposedly" stopped.  But just hours before our daughter's birth she confessed she had taken drugs some during her pregnancy.  We were not happy, of course, I cannot imagine any adoptive parent being happy that the birth mom and/or dad was a drug addict. However we are so thankful that our little girl was born with no signs of withdrawals and all we had to do was get her the special series of hepatitis shots immediately after birth due to her birth dad.

Answer 7

Your first answer that was answered is 100% correct!!! Its not being mad at mom or child but the situation. Drugs are addicted. Darn she gave you your baby!!! She is what she is!!! Love her do not talk bad about her bio-mom!!! Ever!!!! She gave you something you never had!! She was addicted!!! Atleast she did not kill her, throw her away or hate her!! She gave her away hoping to a good home who did not judge her for doing so!!! Shes addicted!! She might would not have evr donwe this if she was not on drugs. Drugs fight the war on them not against the person. I was adopted. You are a person from both adopted and bio. . Never talk bad about her real mom. You never said you were mad at the dad for not being there! Why not!! He may have gotten her beautiful mom on those drugs. Pray for her mom!!! Be mad at the situation but not her mother!!!

Answer 8

Yes I am! Very I have 7 biological kids and 3 adopted, our 11 yr.  has a lot of mental mental health issues! He suffers from autism! Try to find a support group that can help you!

Answer 9

c**p yes.  It ruined her life and mine.  She was so selfish, she cared more about the drugs then her children.  

How can you not be angry?  

Some children wind up with developmental problems because of substance abusing mothers.  Just a little alcohol can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  Crack addicted babies develop slower and many have behavioral problems as they grow.  

In-utero cigarette smoke has been linked with asthma, delayed learning, obesity, and allergies in children.

Being pregnant is a GIFT...and people should treat it like that.  Mom is not responsible for two beings and should act like it.

Answer 10

I haven't adopted ... but if i were to. No i wouldn't be angry that the biological mothers used substances. The biological mother either made mistakes during her life, or is still continuing to make mistakes, and that would most generally be the reason they are adopting their child, as at least they know that they aren't in the position to provide for that child.

The most you can do is provide love and care for that child you are adopting that he/she would not have otherwise received. Why should there be a need to be angry if the baby is healthy? And if there were adverse affects yes the sunbstance abuse during pregnancy may have caused them, but there are also other factors that can contribute to certain factors