For those who have been in long term foster care...?

Question

This is intended to be addressed to people who were in foster care for a significant chunk of their lives that they can remember (by which to say not for three weeks as a newborn.) I'm not going to get picky with the length of time, but long enough that being in foster care was an experience that actually consciously affected you.

So... here's what I'm wondering.

Would you describe yourself as pro-adoption, anti-adoption, or neutral on adoption, specifically concerning adoption from foster care?

Given the choice of either, would you have preferred to have legal guardians instead of adoptive parents?

Regardless of the previous question and assuming that returning to your biological family was not a possibility, would you have preferred an adoptive situation or to have remained in foster care until you became an adult?

I'm not fishing for any particular response; I'm hoping you'll be as honest as possible. I'd really like to hear people's true views. Thanks!

Answer 1

I know that, I am unqualified to answer this question, from the perspective of someone within the system.

At the same time, to not adopt a kid from the 'system' of your own country is almost reprehensible because, they all deserve a permanent family.

I think what Madonna did was atrocious.  The same goes for any other U.S. celebrity who adopts children from outside the U.S..

I am not trying to be a bigot or, a racist.

All I am saying is, there are thousands of kids in the U.S., waiting to be adopted.  They all deserve a loving home.

Also, If they happen to have problems, that is no reason for them to be returned to the agency.  Children are not commodities that can be traded or, damaged goods that can be returned!!  They are human beings!!!!!!

Answer 2

So.. we are doing yet another social experiment. How sweet.

Answer 3

I am not an adopted child, but I am pro adoption, and I think most people would preffer adoptive parents. I'm not sure though. Can't wait to see what people say.

Answer 4

I was in foster care from the age of nine to seventeen. I didn't age out, I joined the military. My mother was in jail.

I am completely pro-adoption. There is a sense of stability in belonging somewhere that I would desperately like to have had - even if I had the meanest parents in the world, I would have liked to know that they couldn't return me. I've found the sense of family I didn't have in the military.

Given the choice between legal guardians and adoptive parents, I would have taken the parents, 9 times out of 10. Most of the legal guardians are in it for the money and don't give a **** about the kid.

Answer 5

I've spent my share of time in foster care, and I can honestly say.. I am pro-adoption.

Sure it has it's ups AND downs. It isn't perfect, as the courts don't get enough background information on the children to make a difference in their lives, but ya know what? That can be changed.

I am 30 years old, and I can say without the slightest hesitation, that I would NEVER want to see any child in the foster care system for very long. It causes low self image, it causes kids to feel like they really don't belong anywhere.. when what they need is the love and stability of a FAMILY.

I was placed in a "Group home" at one point in time, and do you know what the kids who had homes with moms and dads had to say about us? We were "Home kids" nothing special, our feelings, thoughts and opinions didn't much ,matter because we were different from them. They treated most of us like second class citizens. Even the school teachers and principals did the same thing.. called us "Home Kids" and, should some trouble brew up, it was automatically decided that if a "home kid" was involved, it HAD to be their fault. Because of course, the kid with a mom, dad and home.. couldn't be to blame.

During my time in the group home, I learned about other children.. some who had been there for YEARS, waiting to be adopted. There was even siblings there, separated, and living in different Cottages as they broke us down into groups of 12 to live. These kids were mostly all waiting for the same thing, either to be adopted, or for their own birth parents to get off the drugs, or do that counseling the courts had ordered just so they COULD go home... to a REAL home. They were waiting for parents.. be it their own, or adoptive parents. It didn't matter, just so they had some parents they could call their own.

I'm thankful for my adoption, for those who also made it out of the group home, I know they were too, as I have kept in contact with a few of them. Others, weren't so lucky. Some ran away, never to be found or heard from again. While the rest.. well, I pray that wherever they are, that they're ok.

Answer 6

My hubby was in foster care until age 14, since birth. From what he has told me, he is pro adoption. Even though he did not like his adoptive mother, the security from knowing that you weren't going to have to leave was worth it and he feels that every kid (in permanent foster care) should get adopted.

I am sorry I do not know about legal guardians. I'm sorry I can not answer more, but this is what my husband has said to me before. Hope it helps.

Answer 7

I was in foster care from 7 until I aged out at 18.  I hated it.  Why would anyone want to stay in foster care?  There is no stability in your life.  I was moved over 12 times and sometimes I did not even know why I was moved.  I always had it in the back of my mind that if I was not "good enough" or "what the family wanted" they could send me back.

I was in homes that were horrible.  Not all foster parents are good people...some are truly mean and are just as abusive or neglectful as bio-parents.  So, at times I was moved from one "bad experience" to another.  And many foster parents did not really care about me, because "i was not theirs" ~  I was someone else's mistake who they were trying to assist.  They never saw me as a true part of the family.  And even in the homes that did treat me well, there was always that thought that I could be moved....

I am totally pro-adoption for foster kids.  All kids deserve a good, stable, caring family.  I don't consider permanent foster care that, because there is always the chance that you could be sent back or moved.

As a foster kid, you are a WARD of the STATE.  The State "owns" you.  Not a family, not parents....Children should NOT be raised by the state.