For those who have relinquished a child: If the adoptive parents divorced, are you angry?

Question

For those who have relinquished a child: If the adoptive parents divorced, are you angry?

Answer 1

Yes!

Answer 2

I think if I was a birthparent, I would be upset if my child's adoptive parents divorced, especially if I was coerced and sold the idea that being single was enough to be a valid reason to place my baby for adoption.  I don't think the problem is not being able to control adoptive parents' marriages.  What is wrong is that the "two parent" family necessity is sold to birthmothers.  In a non-coerced situation, that would not be enough to relinquish and would not be the only factor in the decision.  In adoptions that are not coerced and the the biological parents truly could not take care of the child, then even if the adoptive parents got divorced, the child would still be taken care of in a way the biological family couldn't and it would still be the "right" decision for the child.  In other words, it would be impossible to control and predict with 100% accuracy the outcome of anyone's marriage.  The problem is when having a two parent family is the sole reason for adoption and single mothers are told they are not enough for their child.  In most cases, they are the best thing for their child.

Answer 3

I know my birthmother was pissed.  I'm 19 now, and she just found out a year ago that my parents divorced when I was 11.

Answer 4

Ofcourse they should be. If the AP become poor they will be angry, same as for if AP end up in an accident and have some handicap, or something awfull that fate/god brings on. They have every right to be. They were hoping for the best life for their child afterall.

Answer 5

No. That can always be an expectation. And often children do better when parents divorce since their homelife can be more peaceful.

Answer 6

Well, that is a complicate question because I feel very differently about it as an adopted child than I do as a parent who adopted.

My family is a family. My parents were married when they adopted and the birth mother made the decision to place her child in a family. Divorce happens, it is simply a part of our culture. There is no logical reason for a woman to think that her child's parents shouldn't divorce even if she chose adoption because her child would have two parents. The child still does and had SOME chance at growing up in an intact family.

However, as a parent who adopted I do feel that I have to do a superior job and that includes providing a happy, whole family for my child. I consider working at my marriage part of my job as a mother and I would feel that I let my child down if I divorced. Now I would likely feel exactly the same way about a biological child, but I do feel that obligation.  

Answer 7

Over the decades, single women (who were often adults in their 20's, not teenagers) have been told that giving their child up for adoption is "the best thing" because the child "deserves a two parent family."  Adoptive parents were touted as much more capable than single natural parents.  They were touted as much more stable and able to give the child everything a child needed.  

Many women of the BSE are now reuniting with their children.  These women weren't give a choice.  The absolute expectation was that they were give their children up for adoption.  Among other things, they were told that the child needed two parents.  

Some of these women were blindfolded during birth to keep them from knowing the s*x of the child.  Many were drugged before, during and after the birth. Following the birth, they immediately handed relinquishment forms.  If they questioned the purpose of the forms,  they were often told that these were consent forms to allow the hospital to care for their children.  If they understood the forms were relinquishment forms and refused to sign, some simply had their children taken anyway and were told later their children died.  It was an absolutely horrible time for women.  

These women lost their children because of the social stigma of the day on unwed mothers.  The idea that their children would grow up in two parent households was shoved down their throats as a way to guilt them into easier relinquishment.  As these women reunite and find out that these adoptive parents really were just simply human and many divorced, I can see how some would be faced with the pain all over again, along with that extra bitter pill of finally knowing for certain that it was all just part of the game to get their children away from them.  After all, they had sinned.  They were feeble-minded.   They had "gotten pregnant out of wedlock."  (Some sociological papers of the day used the term "feeble-minded" to describe unmarried mothers.) Surely they should not be raising their own children!

Answer 8

The  rate  of  divorces is  50 %  with  or  with  out  a  child.  You can  only be  bitter if  the  child is not having  a  well cared  for  life.

Answer 9

I dont think they have any right to be angry. No child on this earth is guaranteed a perfect life or a perfect childhood. I can see why they would be dissappointed though.  

Answer 10

h**l yes!    What makes them think they can steal someone's baby because they are married and then turn around and get divorced?  I'd be mad as h**l if ever in that position.

Answer 11

As a mother, I reserve the right to judge them very harshly. They were presented as superior beings, therefore they need to live up to that image.

Answer 12

I haven't given a child up, but I would be furious if the parents divorced?  Yes I would.

I dont think many parents would pass the home study if they presented themselves as single.

They didn't hold up their end of the bargain.

Answer 13

No.  That part is none of my business.

Answer 14

Nope.

Answer 15

no, because I would hope that they still would take care of my girls the same even though they were not together.

Answer 16

my birth mother understood about my parents.

Answer 17

As many many mothers are pressured to surrender their children for adoption so that the child has "a 2 parent family" they have every right to feel betrayed if this promise is not kept.  

And of course, adoptive parents divorce just like everyone else does.

Which shows that this bit of coercion, to convince a mother that she needs to surrender her baby for this reason, is just a fear-mongering tactic that is used on her to get her baby.

Similarly, I was forced to surrender in part because of the extreme pressure put on me by my parents and the social worker who said i was selfish to want to keep my baby when there was this poor couple who couldn't have children of their own.  that i HAD to think of THEIR needs.  Well, they went on to have 2 children of their own after adopting.  Of course i felt betrayed.   I was forced to surrender upon false pretenses.  So i have no guilt at all about adopting-back my son.