For those who left your cheating spouse, how did u do it?

Question

how did you get the courage to do that?

how about your kids?

how did you manage to tell others that your marriage wasnt perfect as they thought so?

please share..

thanks

Answer 1

My man never cheated. Just be honest.

Answer 2

Admit you made a mistake, that is the answer to all of your questions. And grow up quickly so you won't get another man that will not work for you.

Answer 3

I had spent the day in another state at the hospital w/ mom because she was having surgery.  I was not sure if I would make it back home that night, so my then boyfriend (of 8 years) picked our son up from school (I usually do that).

Then boyfriend wanted to go out that nite, I did not know if I'd make it home, so we arranged for him to drop our son off at my dad's house for the nite.  But dad had to leave in the morning at 10 am.

Not know what would happen in surgery, we agreed that my then boyfriend would p/u our son from my dad's house before 10 am so my dad could go and do his thing.

Well, I ended up getting home at 11 pm.  I was tired.  went to bed.  Woke up around 5 am noticing that my boyfriend was not in bed.  Tried calling him around 7 am to see if he was going to p/u our son (he had the car seat).  He did not answer the phone, I had called 2x.

Well, 9:30 am rolled around.  No call, no answer, no car seat.  So I went and p/u our son.

The not coming home/abuse/cheating/etc...had happened so many times so this was nothing new.  What was new was that this is the ONE time that he was supposed to p/u our son....TOTALLY blew off our son, and my dad.  

That was it.  What if I was in WI?  How rude and selfish is that to know that your babysitter has to be somewhere and just not show up or call or anything?  How embarassing for me!  And our poor kid waiting....for him to show up!!

So, it was once our son was neglected by him that I said 'this is enough'.  I changed the locks on the door.

He came back a while later, after harassing me at work and on my cell phone, calling to tell me I am a w***e literally 50+ times per day, he hit me a few times and took off.  I called the police and filed a report.  He continued to harass me on the phone for months.  That was it.  After 8 years  and a child w/ someone.  I have not seen or heard from him in over a year.  I recently filed for child support.

Answer 4

NO kids, just disappeared and never looked back. I found the hurt and betrayal and all the lies were so egregious it was impossible to have any contact with him at all.

Answer 5

I was just honest and open and told the truth. Dont worry most people will understand and be there for you.

Answer 6

pick up your kids, pack your bags and walk out.. :D

Answer 7

we were in the kitchen- he went to touch me and I shrunk away (I knew of the cheating and hadn't confronted him- but was disgusted by him).  He asked me what was wrong and I blurted it all out- in 10 minutes I laid it all out- that he had to leave, that my son was not going to grow up thinking it was ok to treat women like that...and honestly? that was that.  I was terrified about making it on my own, but it was 1000% the right thing to do- my son is better for it and I am better for it.

Answer 8

My parents divorced, knowing they had children, but, My mother raised us well, and we understood why she divorced him.

We(my brothers and I) wanted happiness for our mother knowing she wasn't getting it from my father.

She had taken care of us all our lives, so in return we wanted her to smile and supported her all the way.

Besides, you husband doesn't sound like the kind of person you want around your children. No matter what he will still be the father, but your children will grow up to understand.

As for the really stupid ******* answer above me about the breeding c**p, seriously, your so stupid.

Answer 9

it took me years to leave him, actually the strenght of God is what did it, in my situation, everybody knew, he went to prison, and that was my cue, my divorce became final, last thursday!

Answer 10

I suspected she was cheating but didn't have proof and wanted to believe the best.  Then my brother saw her out with the other guy and told me about it.  I couldn't pretend anymore now that it was just a matter of time before the whole world would know.  I confronted her about it, we talked, fought.  We both decided she should move out for awhile to get her head together.  I worked way too many hours, neglected her and the kids. She ended up moving in with the other guy taking my kids with her.  It was the absolute worst experience of my life.  But you know what?  I survived.  I learned from my mistakes.  And now my kids are living with me while she and mister perfect are about to lose their home.  There is no easy way to do it.  It will hurt like h**l.  But you will survive and be stronger and wiser for it.

Answer 11

i made a deal with my best friend. if she went back to school like she'd been wanting to, i'd pack my sh*t and leave my cheating husband. she went back to school then told me to get packing.

i told our kids that their dad and i were separating for a little bit. their dad didn't give two sh*ts how they were affected so it all fell on me. course, if he'd of been a good dad, he would have moved out of the house I bought so we could keep that normal part of our lives. but anyway.

so i told them we were separating then months later said maybe it wasn't going to work out. i just broke it to them gently over a long period of time. didn't really want to just shock them with it but i knew leaving him was actually better than staying - even if it meant breaking up the family. but then that's just how bad mine was.

i didn't worry about shock value with anyone else. i just told them i was leaving. i explained why but left it to them as adults to deal with it. and yes, everyone thought we had a perfect marriage.

  

Answer 12

I got so tired of his cheating and being mistreated.  Marriage counseling did not work.  My children were 3 & 4.  I finally decided that if he did not go .. I would go crazy.  It hurt but I needed my sanity and dignity back. There is a saying - it goes something like this.. "when the pain of staying becomes worse than the pain of leaving" - I knew it was time. My family already knew of our problems - so to them, it was no surprise. His family knew he was a jerk but assumed I would not divorce him (God only knows why). He came home one night and I told him that I had it and wanted him out.  I told him not to even try to get the kids that I would let him see them when he wanted to.  He left the next day.  My son blamed me for years, my daughter was ok with it.  He never paid much attention to his kids.  He would see them once a week for 2 hours and drop them off at his mother's house.  It used to infuriate me - if he didn't care about me - why couldn't he at least care about his kids? I went thru a lot of ups and downs wondering if I did the right thing.  I was so strapped for money (he gave me a hard time paying 25.00 a week for each child), I never pushed it.  I fought and did what I had to.  I hated leaving the kids with sitters but I had to support them.  I never talked bad about him and always tried to get him to see the kids.  He just went about his life from woman to woman.  He cheated on all of them and was mean to them also. He married and divorced 2 more times.  He started to come around my kids when my son became successful.  He didn't want to work any more and wanted my son to support him.  After taking care of his father for years, my son finally realized what he was and cut him loose.  My ex was evil to everyone and expected everyone (including me) to be good to him.  My kids now understand what I went thru for many years and can see clearly.  Really, honey, I want to let you know that you WILL be ok.  Just always love your kids and be there.  They come first.  Don't bad mouth their dad (even tho you may want to) it doesn't help the kids, it hurts them.  Try to be friends with your ex for the kids.  I put up with a lot of garbage to do the right thing and in the long run it did pay off.  You will have good and bad days.  But at least you won't have to be with someone who doesn't treat you right and you will feel that at least that pressure is off.  You will make it and so will the kids.  Good luck.  

Answer 13

i am sorry to hear about your problems with a cheating husband. now is the time to mature and think rationally and act mature whereas you are or going to be a single mom. most important is now think of how to care for your baby and legally if you divorce you need legal help and a attorney. there are some state agencys availible for no charge and this must be recorded with the coursts decision even if you get along with your husband now as you do not know what the future holds with him. also you must make arrangements for a safe, happy envirorment for your finacial,and working future as well as whomever you date now, he must be a realllllll good trusted guy. as for your babys dad i do not think you would ever trust him enough again to waste your time as husband and wife.  be carefull  xxxx

Answer 14

it wasn't easy to give everything up, leave my home, re home my pets, and move away, but if i hadn't i would have had to live right across the street from him and the woman who destroyed my marriage.when i weighed the facts, i knew i could never feel the same again,and i really didn't care about what others thought, because he was the one who destroyed the marriage not me.it is hard to leave what u know and go out into the unknown,and maybe be in a financial mess, but its better this way then having to deal with a cheater.

Answer 15

I didn't leave my cheating spouse, because I had two sons that needed a father and know most other men do not accept other men's children.  Also I did not want to have more children with another man and make half brothers/sister for my boys.  That just seems so animal like.  (a woman going around breeding with different men like an animal)

Besides I would never take my children away from their father.  Why would you leave your spouse foot loose and fancy free except for that little support payment.

Answer 16

its the hardest thing you'll have to do. that and then telling your kids your marriage is over. don't worry about what you are going to tell others. tell them the truth. if he's such a jerk they'll understand, if they don't then they obviously weren't friends or more so, they were only his. just make sure to talk to your kids and let them know its not their fault. do not tell them that he cheated on you. you never know if you will get back together or not. plus, they are going to see their dad and you don't want their relationship with their dad to be a bad one. just breathe you'll be ok.

Answer 17

At 36 I decided that enough was enough.  I didn't care what people thought .  I had to think of me and our children.

If only I knew how much it affected them.  Because all we did was argue over it.  In front of them.  And weather you know it or not  it does affect them and when they get old enough to understand it can affect the way they themselves have relationships.

I filed for divorce, moved out of the marital home and lived with my mom while waiting for an emergency hearing to have my husband  evicted from the house.  In my case he was also an abusive alcoholic.

Once he left , I moved back in with our children. I was already working but took on a second job to make ends meet.  I worked 2 jobs 6 days a week for 4 years.  From 7:00 till 9:00 at night.  My children were 12 and 15 at the time.  But I was never happier in my life then the day I was on my own.  

My mom lived up the street and a cousin lived behind me so I had some help. My family was very supportive once I made the decision and filed.

I paid my house off 5 years in advance, bought my husband's share out 3 years in advance, and paid my car off.

I met a great guy about a year after the divorce was final.  I was not ready to get involved.  I wanted to get to know me first and to spend time with my children.  

We dated 7 years before I married him.  We just celebrated 22 years this past May.

The first step is to get a job.   Then talk to your family explain the situation and tell them what your plans are.  Tell them you are not asking for advise but just need to know they will be supportive of your decision.  Then talk to a lawyer.  

You have to stop worrying about people thinking your marriage was not as perfect as they thought.  Actually what you might find out is that they knew that all along.  

If you dont' do it for yourself then do it for the children.  My daughter married a man just like her father and ended up divorced 8 years later.

Today she is married to a wonderful man and has a little boy.  My son is still affected by what WE did .  I blame my self also because I stayed and put up with it for all those years.  I believed in my vows.  

If I had to do it all over again I would have left him after our daughter was born.  

  Leaving a bad marriage isn't as bad as staying in one .  And believe me it will only get worse.

Did I mention I divorced him the first time he did it, forgave him, took him back remarried him and yes he did it again. So I tried.  Don't waste precious years like I did.  

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I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 18

Well after I took back my wife the first time, I did think and worked on my marriage even thou her first affair was only 2 months with my son's Karate teacher. Then 12 years later I found out that my wife was having another affair with her doubles partner in badminton for 6 years traveling the world for the Worlds Cup Tournament, Pan Am Games and the 2004 Olympics. That is where I got my Courage to step up to the plate and said I had enough. My two boys, wanted to stay with me 75% of the time, but it was hard for them to swallow the ideal that there mother was a tramp. My older son punched out the refrigerator that day and broke his hand and he had a Badminton Tournament a week later back east that he could not go to. Well there you go everything in a egg shell.