For those who say children are born to the people who are meant to parent them, how do you feel about this?

Question

Recently several people have answered questions stating that children are born to the people who are meant to parent them because God doesn't make mistakes. For those who feel that way, how do you feel about the following story then?

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-a1_4baby.6328887mar26,0,3021465.story

Obviously (I hope) most people are going to agree that this story is a tragedy, so my question is posed to those people who truly believe that God doesn't agree with adoption. I'm honestly trying to understand your position on things like this.

Answer 1

And other people have posted answers claiming that God intended adoption, and yet we can find many news stories of adopted children being abused or killed by their adoptive parents.  So how can anyone say God agrees with adoption?

Can someone tell me how this is helping?  

My answer, anyone who believes they know anything about God is full of it.  If God has a plan, God sure hasn't told any of us.  If God thinks anything at all about any of this, God's keeping it quiet.

People have started wars and genocides because they believed they knew what God wanted.

Answer 2

God saved me from abuse by having wonderful people adopt me - just as I am sure He will save this child.  

P.S.  I hope these parents get the book thrown at them rather than just a simple slap on the wrist.  I pity her other child.

Answer 3

"Recently several people have answered questions stating that children are born to the people who are meant to parent them because God doesn't make mistakes."

Who said this?  

Please give us a reference because I really have no idea who you are talking about.

Answer 4

God knows the path we are all going to take.  I guess I don't have the answer to your real question because I don't see why God wouldn't agree with adoption.  If the adoptive parents are in God's will.  

Also- Hannah gave up her first child (Samuel) to God, and in essense Jesus grew up with his mother and step father and a lot of half siblings.  Moses was pretty much adopted by the Pharoh's daughter and raised as an Egyptian Prince putting him in the place he needed to be enabling him to later save his people. Josiah was only 8 when he became King.

I know I'm the only parent to parent my daughters: God gave them to me and I am truly blessed eachday with them.  There are people in my church who have adopted and are involved in Foster care.  Later in life my husband and I may do that too; if it is our calling.

Answer 5

I believe that God has a plan for every child.  Sometimes that plan means staying with your natural family and other times it means your be in your adoptive family.  Either way its a family.

Yes, this is a horrible story.

Answer 6

I havent read the story yet,but Im going to...

I just want to give my opinion to your question before doing so....

first of all im not even so sure if there is a god or not

ill believe it when i see it...

but with that said,if there is one I would think that he does want adoption because that would be his way of helping those who cant have babies on their own and helping birth mothers who are in situations that they feel they need to give their baby up for adoption...

It's just tragic that some bad things happen with adoption is all....like people giving their babies up thinking theyre giving it  a better life when in reality sometimes that baby may have had just as good or better of a life with its biological parent(s).

Or when an adoptive arent agrees to an open adoption just to get a better or faster chance of getting a baby and then goes back on her word after all the papers are signed  and she gets away with this legally....

Or when the child is adopted and then molested or abused after being "screened" as they put it....ofcourse there's no way to tell by talking to or looking at someone if theyre a child molester or child abuser....

And I think closed adoptions are really bad because its unfair to that child to never get to know where it came from,etc....

Just because the mother chose to do a closed adoption,doesnt mean that child had a say in it,because obviously they didnt,and I dont think thats right....

But those are just my opinions/beliefs....

Answer 7

I don't understand how children are born to the people who are meant to parent them because God doesn't make mistakes, even if these people are abusing the children they're meant to "parent". I also don't understand how people can say that God sanctions adoption if the bparents are able to care for their child. I highly doubt God wants children to be abused by their parents & I highly doubt that He wants children to be without bparents that are able to care for them. I think God sanctions children staying with their bparents & sanctions adoption if their bparents are abusive, addicts, etc. There are too many circumstances to say that God wholly sanctions or doesn't sanction adoption.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, so many people who can have kids don't deserve them, and so many that do can't have them.  This has been going on for eons.  I believe that mothers who do drugs that endanger their child's life, especially when pregnant, should be steralized.  The same should go for alcohol, etc.   Also, if a person is a s*x offender, or a child abuser, they should be steralized.

Those who are mentally instable with a permanent condition that they choose to not treat (like manic depression-UNtreated for a while), should also be steralized, if their illness would probably cause harm to a child's welfare.  Unfortunately, many people are allowed to mate, even when they don't have enough intelligence to retain a normal relationship.  Unfortunately, it's the children who suffer.  

The woman who put the baby in the toilet ought to be steralized.  If it were a punishment for people who s***w up a child's life, maybe more would think about doing it.

Take the countries where they chop off the finger of a convicted thief.  They don't have the high shoplifting rates we do, and especially not as much bigger theft.

I also believe that if a man doesn't try to pay child support (and I know some can't help but get some behind every once in a while), and he has more than 1 child that he is behind on, with more than 1 woman, he should also be steralized.  Men might keep their zipper up and take more responsibility if for birth control if this were the case.

Also, why is it so expensive for good people to adopt, and find a child?  So many people who would be excellent parents can't even begin to think about adoption because of the costs involved.  

It is unfortunate that some have so many problems with adoption.  Somehow, kids don't come with instruction manuals and aparents don't know how to treat the child they way they want to be treated.  It seems no one is happen on this forum with adoption, except a few of us, and that is a shame.  Adoption came to be, that good people are willing to care for children that sometimes would fall in the cracks if it weren't for aparents.  Just as with natural parents though, not all aparents are good, and we don't get to choose our relatives, but consider the alternative, would the birthparents who didn't want the child, or the aparents who did be better to raise a child?

Answer 9

Well I think its a load of BULLSH*T.

That woman is NOT fit to parent that baby.

I do not Agree with Adoption as a method of birthcontrol like it is used in the States currently.

I believe in Adoption for Abused. orphaned or *going to be abused* babies.

That woman by refusing to remove a baby from a toilet bowl is abusive.

She has NO regard for the baby whatsoever, if she had a inch of ability to love that baby she would have removed it and handed it over to the authorities stating she could not look after it.

But she was prepared to let that baby die, and I GUARANTEE she would be the type to say "oh gosh no I dont believe in abortion" but she believes in MURDER????

In regards to God and Adoption I dont actually believe that God has a crystal ball, I dont believe that he can see 5 years down the track that someone is going to abuse a child and so he places that particular child with that particular abusive parent

If that were believable then you would immediately state that god is just Cruel.

Which goes against what we are taught

Therefore it also goes to state that God has nothing to do with adoption. Adoption is a *man made* thing just like al lthe other catastrophes that mankind creates in this lifetime.

God Usually Just comes along and fixes them all up, if possible...

So let me ask if God truly has a hand in adoption then why does he allow people who are abusers and murderers to adopt children ??

I think that mankind is F8cked up in general and that God sits above watching it all like a train wreck, sometimes he intervenes (hence the term divine intervention) but most of the time he can not. Most of the time its left for mankind to play out its tragedies.

Answer 10

I believe that God does not make mistakes.  His will is done.  We don't always know his purpose and may not ever know in this life.  I also believe that God approves of adoption because he chose Joseph and Mary to parent His Son.  Both Joseph and Mary knew they were raising God's Son.  Jesus also knew who His Father was.  Also, when we accept His Son, Jesus, into our hearts and lives, we are adopted into His Family.  

I don't have any doubts  Everything happens for His purpose.  The bible says it, I believe it without question.  I believe God's Word.

Answer 11

I didn't read the link (I'm tapped out emotionally today, and just couldn't handle another one), but I'll tell you what...I was abused by my biological parents.  It SUCKED!  Still sucks.  I have no idea if I got the "wrong parents" or not.  There's absolutely no way for me to know if I would have ended up with better parents had I been adopted.  I do think that adoption can be a good thing in some cases (i.e. abuse, neglect), but even in these cases, it needs to be really, really clear that the parents are not interested in learning to become better parents, and/or that they have given up on their children.  There are a lot of abusive people who are so afraid to admit that they have a problem, that they don't get help...but if they DID get help, they could parent their own children.  Sometimes, having their children removed is just what they need to finally admit that they need help.

There are a lot of family situations that suck.  I have no idea what can make them better.  The problem is that these situations are created, and sustained, by shame and secrecy.  People who abuse their children don't announce it on the local radio station...so there will ALWAYS be people who slip under the radar, like my parents.  I wish there was a way to know with absolute certainty if a person is able to parent a child before hand...but there just isn't.

I have no idea if it has anything to do with any god(s).  My view of life doesn't really flow this way anyway.  I think that we find ourselves in situations that we need, for one reason or another.  For instance, if I'm having a hard time sticking up for myself, I end up in situations with really belligerent, rude people constantly until I finally buck up and deal with it.  But I can't say that a person ends up in an abusive situation because they need to "learn" from it.  This view makes sense in MY life, but I have to admit, there are many, many situations where this just doesn't make sense.

You show me one person who has all the answers, and I will have a new religion.  Otherwise, I just have to accept that there are sick people in the world, and that I can't possibly change that fact, no matter how many tears I shed, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much of my time and energy I give.  When one sick person disappears, another will take his/her place.

Answer 12

My personal belief is that God has a plan for everyone and that even if a baby is born to one person Gods plan may have been for that baby to be raised by another family... The whole "Everything happens for the Greater Good of God" and Gods Will....

But, I don't just believe this for adoption as it applies to other areas of life---like the fact our 12 yr old niece was killed by a drunk driver... It was horrible--we miss her and we may never understand but can find some level of comfort knowing that God has a plan.....

When I think of the loss of our Niece Jennifer I often think of another promise God made and it is that he will never let us face more then we can handle....So I know in my heart that this is horrible--but, God knows we can handle it and that perhaps there were things that Jennifer was going to face that she could not handle... like the fact her grandfather died in the same accident...or whatever it was we may not know on this earth.

God knows every hair on our heads... God knew when our daughter was born that she would be our daughter it just took five years for that to happen...God planned that I would be her growing up mother and even when it is difficult for Me I know that God will never let me face more then I can handle...so...it is all back to his plan....

.........and oneday I will be able to ask him...what and why?

Answer 13

well sure adoption is good for 2 reasons... someone who reall is desperate for a child and will get it all the love it can possibly need cand cant have children can then adopt..  Then people wholl be horrible parents that just 4got to put the condom or birth control will give that child a crappy life...

Answer 14

Just because something was originally meant to happen doesn't mean that the human condition doesn't stop it from being able to fully play out.  The human body, for example, is designed to last longer and remain healthier than many of them do, since our human condition gets in the way of that happening.

That said, it's an absolute tragedy anytime that a child is born into or adopted into a family where abuse exists.  No child should remain in such a home.

I won't post them here unless someone has a desire to see them, but I sadly have a list of links to news stories of children who have been killed by their adoptive parents. It's too depressing.  I do hope that the adoption process can be improved to weed out more of the people who shouldn't receive children.

We have no control over the parents to whom a person is born.  If they are abusive, the children need to be removed for their own safety.  We do, however, have control over who gets a child placed with them.

"Adoption," isn't what save children from abuse.  It simply gives a child a different family.  Adoption can lead a child into a variety of families.  Hopefully a good one.  Keeping children away from abusers is what saves a child from abuse.

ETA:

Joseph never "adopted" Jesus.  Joseph was Jesus' stepfather.  Jesus never denied that G-d is his true father.  

Adoption ***as we know and practice it*** did not exist in the Bible.  This is where we ultimately run into problems trying to use Biblical examples of "adoption."

ETA2:  I really like this that Opedial said:

"I think if God were to intervene, perhaps he/she instead of saying "adoption good or adoption bad" maybe God would work on helping the children not be abused to start wtih."

Answer 15

I don't think adoption is always wrong.  What's wrong is that it is currently a PAP- and agency-driven industry that has become about supply and demand rather than the best interest of the child.

Infants are sometimes born to people who are unable to parent.  That's simple biology.  God and destiny have nothing to do with it.  I was not placed in the "wrong tummy."  People mean well when they say this, but the message an adoptee, particularly a child, gets is probably going to be one or more of the below:

--I am a mistake, perhaps one made by God Himself.

--Since my origins and adoption were just silly mistakes, and I am now in the right family, I shouldn't talk about adoption, but just stuff my feelings about it forever.  

--This all-powerful God has some pretty perverse whims sometimes, putting me in a wrong tummy when He could have had me get into my family the normal way--what kind of deity are we all worshipping anyway?  

--Other people come from mothers.  I came from an anonymous tummy.  I must have done something bad to deserve that.

Answer 16

Wow!.. this story is so sad!...

Some people dont realize what a gift it is to have a baby!

Answer 17

Abuse happens.  It is tragic.  Some people should not be parents biological or not.

Answer 18

I don't think God agrees or disagrees with adoption.  For us (my husband and I) adoption came out of infertility.  It wasn't on the table before that.  We fostered (we don't have foster to adopt program in my province, you either foster or adopt), and now we are adopting.   The children we are adopting are children who need a family because their original family was not doing their job.  So I think this is where adoption is a good thing.

I think if God were to intervene, perhaps he/she instead of saying "adoption good or adoption bad" maybe God would work on helping the children not be abused to start wtih.

Answer 19

I agree with you.. abuse happens both in biological families and adoptive families.. if children were always born to "who they were meant to be parented by" Then all biological parents would be great parents, none abusive, and only adopted parents would be abusive.. those who claim that "God, fate, etc." make children born to who is meant to parent them have no argument.. it's a ridiculous assumption..

I DO believe in God.. I consider myself a sincere christian.. but I also believe that he sometimes "works through mysterious ways"  I like to think that he has a child out there I'm meant to be a mother to, and that's why he allowed me to be infertile, so that I WOULD adopt, and he could match me up with the child(ren) I'm meant to have..

of COURSE he often has children born to the people who they're meant to be raised by (I know I was!!)  but sometimes he works through other means.. We cannot guess his thoughts.. he doesn't always do things the "same way"  And humans often get in the way of what he intends...because he gives us free choice!! He doesn't intend that Sally Sue be strung out on drugs.. but he gives her free choice..

anyway... as someone who cannot have children, I get kinda hurt by people saying "childern are born to who they're meant to be raised by"  because that's the same as saying I"m not meant to be a mother.. that hurts.. I'm the type that has always aspired to be a mother.. I dunno.. maybe it's true.. God will have to show me for sure.. but as long as their are children out there that have been taken from their parents by the state because their parents aren't fit.... Or women who take their children and turn them in saying "I don't want this child"  then I can have hope that maybe it's not...  

I think there are those here that think that nastiness and etc.. is all the fault of adoptoin.. I KNOW there's those who feel that PAPs are "Vultures" as Sunny so kindly called us yesterday.. (showed her true colors as to how she felt about PAPs and APs) The TRUTH is that nastiness, abuse happen.. it happens in adoptive families AND biological families.. babies/children die at the hands of their biological mothers all the time.. babies who could have been SAVED by adoption.. Adoption is neither always right for every child OR always "wrong" for every child...

Answer 20

so i guess this means god approved of 9-11?

Answer 21

i dont no

Answer 22

Some babies are accidents. But I believe any one who has a child should support it. No matter how stressed no matter how much money they had or have. It is their baby...it is their responsibility. Although the story was quite depressing.

Answer 23

The article is quite sad, goodness they have baby drop offs to refuse to even retrieve the child from the toilet says something about this woman. There are a lot of people who should never ever be parents and God knows that. However we all have free will.

If God was against adoption would he have let Joseph raise Jesus his only son? Would he have sacrificed his only son, for essential for those who one day may be considered his adopted children.

Answer 24

I personally have never said that all children are born to the people "meant to parent them".  This poor woman is obviously mentally ill.  I have always felt that children should be removed from parents who are abusive, addicts, or profoundly neglectful.  

I do take issue with the 'you were put in her tummy, but G-d made a boo-boo, and now you're meant to be with me, your real mommy' camp.  

But after I read this, it all makes sense now, it was written by an AP & a Christian:

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Answer 25

My feelings - I was gaining a modicum of respect for the adoptive parents who post here until this question.  I used to believe in God - this question confirms that there is no god.  Well, no god that I want to be guided by.