For those who say they have a happy adoption....?

Question

Maybe i should of asked this question before i answered a couple of questions on here tonight. But is seems to me that those who say they are happy are looking down on other adoptees on here because they are wanting reunion with their biologial mother, they want adoption reforms, they don't hate their biological mother and they want unsealed adoption records. Am i right in thinking, this? What is wrong with wanting to know my biological famliy? or wanting adoption reforms? My adoptive parents fully supported me in getting in contact they did not feel threatened by it, or felt i would love them less. Please answer, because i don't understand. I want to be happy, but now think that i probably never will be, because i have a relationship with my b-family and i support adoption reforms. In supporting reforms i also seek that the adoptive parents are treated correctly too. Just in case anyone is wondering.

Answer 1

As someone who has had a good adoption experience I certainly don't look down on those who have had troubles.  At least I don't think I come across that way and if I ever have then I apologize.  

I just get frustrated with those statements that assume that we all have bad experiences or we all feel some sort of loss.  Yes, we lost something...perhaps to have found something better or perhaps not, as our individual circumstances dictate.  Just don't tell me I should be feeling some loss or that I'm in denial.  I don't tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you do...good, bad or otherwise.

Answer 2

Wow.

Is there any special reason that you keep writing about people who SAY they are happy?

just.wow.

Answer 3

If you think you need to meet your biological parents, that's a personal issue that you can only resolve with yourself. Mine are dead, and I don't remember them. I did  have a very happy adoption, you know those do happen, and my adoptive family is just my family, I've never felt like I didn't belong or that I was different in some way. Personally, I don't understand why you would want to meet the woman who would give you up for adoption; the genetic link means far less than the emotional link you develop with the people who raise you - but that's none of my business. I don't care what you think, why would you care what I think?

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with wanting to know your history and wanting to get to know the people who created you and brought you into this world. People who say otherwise are wrong. It is completely your right to have every bit of history on yourself....well, technically it isn't your right...but it should be!!

I am happy that your adoptive parents have supported your recontacting your first family. Obviously they too understand that every inch of you, every strand of your DNA is the product of these two people. While some people never have a desire to know their first family, you shouldn't feel bad, ashamed, unhappy, guilty, etc. because you do want to meet and know them. Everyone's experience is different. I wish you well and I hope that I can be as supportive of my child as your parents sound like they have been of you!!

<<adoptive mommy though foster care.

Answer 5

Just because I have had a happy adoption experience as you call it, I would never say that it not ok to want to know your birth mom.  That is your personal choice.  I am glad that you are supportive of reform as well. I would never bully anyone, especially one that may not have had a good experience.  Why would I despise you because you chose to meet your bio mom.  I have 2 adopted children as well.  My 19 year old has meet his bio mom and that is perfectly fine with me, and if my 16 year old daughter desires to do that in the years to come, i will support her.  It is interesting, that I get thumbs down for sharing my side, and I bet you anything I will still get them, because some people don't like the idea that I had a good adoption experience all around.   And again, i never would say that you had a low self-esteem problem, any one that would is wrong

Answer 6

i think it is so normal to want to know your bio family, i was not adopted but my mom "went to the store" and never came back. i did meet up with her later in life, i was curious. that is totally normal. and if you are adopted you should have that right, i know some bio families dont want to be contacted but the child should know that then. i am adopting 4 children, and i do worry they wont love me if they meet her. but i know that i did the best i could and that i love them and they love me and that's all that matters. children are adopted for many reasons, and its not always because the bio mom hated their child. i think thats great you have 2 wonderful families  

Answer 7

I hope you don't mind me answering this.  I'm not an adoptee, so I've sort of stayed out of the "Felt loss" vs "Not felt Loss" debates.  

My observation here is that those in the latter camp are taking issue with implications and statements that because their adoption experience differs, they must be "in a fog" or "in denial" or their experiences are otherwise dismissed or discounted. I haven't seen many statements from adoptees that ridicule another's decision to search, just point out that they haven't ever felt a need/desire to do so.  

There is a lot of disrespect on this forum flying around.  But there's one common denominator that is pretty well guaranteed to offend anyone: Someone making the implication that they know more about your "real" thoughts/feelings/motivations or those of the people closest to you, than YOU do.  

That's pretty disrespectful, any way you try to spin it.  

I am not saying that I've seen those statements coming from you personally.  But try not to mistake anger at those implications/statements with derision at your decision to have a relationship with your first family or to support adoption reforms.

Answer 8

I had a happy adoption, as in my aparents were great parents and have supported me during my reunion with my bio family.

My aparents are my parents, but thankfully they understand that my bio family are still important to me and have supported me throughout.