For those who think adoption is beautiful....?

Question

Are you having children intentionally to surrender them to adoption?

Answer 1

I am not, however I think that those THOUSANDS of infertile couples in America are able to love and care for a child that otherwise, they could not. Also, it is better that children can have an opportunity to grow up with parents, instead of a single parent drug addict, teenager as a mother, or grow up in some other unfavorable condition.

Answer 2

not only india, but many south american and asian countries.  for those who don't understand, it's because most in the US have never had to live with the choice of selling a child so that your other 6 children can eat.  

a friend of mine from the philippines said it best, "americans have so many d**n opinions about the rest of the world; yet most of them have never ventured beyond their back yards."

word.

ETA: i'm still trying to wrap my mind around the whole surrogacy thing.  i'm a member of a UK surrogates' board as a "person trying to learn." and i tell you, as nice as these women are to me, i just don't get it...  

and the whole getting knocked up by squirting dude's j!zz inside with a syringe is a bit too freaky to me.... ewww!

Answer 3

My sister asked me to be a surrogate for her and her husband.  They had been trying for years to have a child of their own and couldn't.  It wouldn't have been my child though.  We were talking about artificial insemination of an embryo.  We talked about it on and off for a couple of years, but never decided to go through with it and then after 10 years she got pregnant.  And the child turned out to be profoundly disabled.  Her husband abandoned them.  Fifteen years later, which was one year ago my baby sister dropped dead of a massive heart attack and stroke.  So, rather than me giving her a child, she ended up giving me one.  I have her child now.  So I don't know how I feel about being a surrogate now.  I look at this child that I love so much and wonder if I had gone through with it and this child was the end result, how would my sister have felt about me then.

I wish I could give you an opinion one way or the other, but I truly don't know how I feel.  I know selling babies is and always will be wrong in my opinion.  But carrying a baby for someone else is something totally different.

Answer 4

What's worse are women who may or may not be pregnant and string prospective adoptive parents along. They bilk the parents out of money and gifts and in the end, don't present them with a baby.

Answer 5

Who does that?

I don't think that's anyone's first choice. People put kids up for adoption for very valid reasons: they aren't ready for children, they don't feel like they can provide well enough for a child, they no longer have a partner's help, etc.

No one (let me specify: in THIS country) is just farming out their uterus to make babies for adoption purposes. There are plenty already out there who need homes!

Answer 6

Why would anyone do that?  Unless they have already been asked by a family member or friend who cannot have children to be a surrogate for them??

Answer 7

I'd rather see a child be adopted to a family who can love and care for the child than for the mother to have an abortion.

Answer 8

Sick, all of it is just sick.

Womb farming, surrogacy, intentional pregnancies just to place... SICK! These are human beings being created here! Not a salmon for the BBQ!

Answer 9

LOL.  One of what I can now consider one of my low points in the grief just after relinquishing my son for adoption was the though that I should have another for his parents because they had been so unlucky/hurt by others who had not followed through with adoption with them.  This was a wonderful thing, why shouldn't I do it again just for them!  They are the best ever.

Sigh.  I was so mixed up from the messages I was getting about being a birthmother back then.

Answer 10

I sure hope not, there are enough kids right now that are in need of homes or an improved living situation.

Answer 11

That sounds like an awful idea. I think adoption is beautiful however, there are enough babies and children in the world who need parents that people do not need to get pregnant for the purpose of giving the baby away for adoption.

Although there are more parents who want to adopt than babies to adopt in the United States, in the world, the babies outnumber the parents who want to adopt. Knowing this, I think people just need to look beyond their own borders if they cannot find an American baby.

Answer 12

I refuse to do surrogacy or fork out thousands of dollars when there are children in the foster system without security, comfort and a place to call home. Or children living in an orphanage missing out on a family, attention and fulfilling their dreams (basketball, piano lessons, dance, football, whatever they may want to do) Why on earth would I pay thousands of dollars to force another being into this world when there are millions here with no family! That is beyond SELFISH!! There are poverty stricken countries that cannot even afford their next meal, let alone care for a baby. I'm not gonna sit on my fat *** in front of an idiot box eating junk with my 40k car in the drive way and trow money left and right for a blood child. ERRRR no way in heck!!

Answer 13

I wouldn't describe adoption as beautiful, but it is a positive for hubby and I.

To answer your question no, I am not "Paying it forward" because I'm what YOU call a "Desparate, Infertile."

Answer 14

Everyone this is what Gershom is talking about..

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22441355/

I don't think she is saying that adoption is wrong or isn't beautiful. This was a real news story on T.V in the newspaper and on the web.

If you do a search on india/wombs or renting out uterus you will come across these news articles. So before you condem Gershom in making this up, get your facts straight first.

Answer 15

I hope people don't think that way. Children may love their adopted parents but there's always a part of them that question it... Like "Why didn't my parents keep me?" and "Who were they?" If that's how people think these days, they're very stupid.

Answer 16

Wow, now I can add "farmer" to my resumee.

Thanks for the heads up. They make it seem so nice for everyone.

I have to say, that everytime I hear someone say that "adoption is beautiful", I would like to tell them to put up or shut up. Being adopted or having adopted children doesn't mean you know what it's like to be a first mom.

EDIT:

I would like to thank "Tish" for what she said. I had never thought about it like that. It's all about learning....

I can not pass judgement on those people. I do not know what they are going through.

I stand by my comment for the people in this country.

Answer 17

sigh.....I'm so sick & tired of people on this forum only ever talking in one extreme or another.  Adoption isn't ALL beautiful, light, & roses.  Yes, we GET IT...or at least I do....so stop hitting everyone over the head with it!!!!  Do you realize the more people try to club people over the head with how much adoption sucks, the more they will close their ears?  The TACTICS, not the message, is what stinks in this forum.  It's great some of you are able to speak your mind, educate people in a kind way, which would would encourage people to actually LISTEN.  But those on here who do nothing but speak rudely to people & STILL seek to marginalize people into various "groups" are the ones who are ruining it for everyone else on here.  

For the record, I know adoption comes at a loss but it CAN also come with positives.  I'm tired of people on here bashing adoption left & right but never balancing that out with ANY positive statements about adoption.  And then, people like this go on to wonder "geez, why does everyone think I'm ANTI-adoption?"  Well,  hmm....let me think about that.  If a person ONLY ever speaks negatively on a subject, then is it not an intelligent conclusion to think that person is against it?  

People need to STOP talking in extremes: adoption is horrible or adoption is beautiful!!!  Because guess what?  NEITHER of those statements is correct.  Adoption circumstances can range so greatly.  There can be many positives with one adoption & many negatives with another.  Yes, there will always be an underlying loss but there can also be overwhelming gain for the child and the family that is lucky enough to have him or her.

Answer 18

This is going on in India as a way of making money.  Sadly, these women hide from their families for nine months then have to give away their children just to get the money their families desperately need.

In the United States, there is surrogacy.  Surrogates to have children for the purpose of relinquishment, in order to be paid.

Answer 19

I am not a birth mother- I am an adoptee and have 2 adopted children- and I would hope that women are not having children just for the sole purpose of surrendering them for adoption- however I know that some people intentionally keep getting pregnant and then use abortion as a birth control method- that is FAR worse.

Answer 20

After 25 years of working in Adoptions, I have yet to meet one person who is touched by adoption think that adoption is ONLY beautiful.

It is not only beautiful, but also involves sadness, gratification, loss, fulfillment, crisis, regrets, responsibility and hope.