For working moms (full time)

Question

What goes through your mind when you hear a sahm or a mother who works only part time comment that "I stay at home/work part time so that I can raise my child. I don't want a stranger to do it"?

What is your visceral response to it?

Answer 1

I don't work anymore but when I did..............."If only you knew"

nfd♥

Answer 2

I usually think back in history.  It was only the last 100 or so years women actually had the luxury of focusing on raising children.  Look at "little house on the prairie"  that mom wasnt raising the kids, the older kids were.  If you had money, you had a governess.  If you didnt have money, you were doing other peoples wash.  

And any parent who stays home, likely isnt devoting their full day to the raising of their child.  They are doing a lot of housework, errands, etc.  And that wears on you.   If it was purely to MOM Id far more consider staying home.  

Answer 3

I get offended by it but I also don’t let it bother me…if that makes any sense at all.

The SAHM vs working mom war has to just stop. It’s SO annoying that it’s such a  big competition when all we’re BOTH trying to do is be the best d**n mom to our children.

If they want to believe that someone else is raising my child, then by all means, let them. But I couldn’t disagree more with that statement and I won’t satisfy anyone by trying to defend why.

I’m a great mother to my son and I do anything and everything for him. If that means working full time to keep a roof over his head, then so be it. If that makes me a bad person, well, hey, rock on. My son doesn’t judge me for it, so why should any of you?

Answer 4

well i work 1000 times harder as a single parent that has to not only raise my children, but make the money to support them ALL MYSELF! i truly think daycare is a great opportunity for kids, i will admit that at first i was nervous about it and i do miss my daughter all day long, but i really am happy she goes to daycare. she has great people skills and gets to be around new people and play with children her age.  

Answer 5

Since I've seen that alot I'm use to it - so I don't have that animal response anymore.

Now, I try to stay calm and to realize that the people that make these comments are completely uneducated - uneducated in my family, my circumstances, my children, my living situation, etc. etc.  They know nothing about me, nothing. As I know nothing about them.

Strangers don't raise my kids.  My MIL is hardly a stranger and the sitter we've come to love and know dearly is certainly not a stranger to us.  So, no "strangers" as you or other people say, do not raise my kids.  

Answer 6

I'm sure most of us mothers would love to be able to afford to stay at home and raise our children. Not the case for all of us. Some of those mothers that do get to stay at home still put there kids in day care and do their own thing. It doesn't matter how much time you get to spend with your children its the valuable time that counts. I think it makes me a better parent because I cherish those few hours a night that I do have with my daughter and its all about her. It doesn't make us any less of a mother that we have to work to provide for our family and any woman who sees it that way is probably some gold digger that only married for money.

Answer 7

I did go back to work full time after my daughter was home.  My husband and I just worked different shifts so one of us was home with our daughter.  I left and started to go to school full time.  I respect working moms, its a very hard thing to do.  And if I was in that situation I would prob say something along the lines of "well at lease Im providing for my daughter so she has a roof over her head and food in her tummy."

Answer 8

My visceral response doesn't go public, since it would serve no purpose. Or I restrict it to a chilly stare.

What I say is "Congratulations for having the luxury to stay at home." And when they protest about all those sacrifices they make, I point out as a single mother, I make all those sacrifices *and* must still go to work to support my family.

Answer 9

I would stay at home too, but we all can't be that lucky.

Answer 10

I would say to her "so what am I a bad mom because I work full time to put a roof over my kids head and clothes on their back and food in their mouths?"

If she is rude enough to say something like that and down working moms - make that comment back to her and see how she likes it....

Answer 11

To each her own. I have had experience in both being a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. What I learned is it is not quantity it is quality. I found I appreciate my family more as a working mother so when I do get time to spend with my daughter it is time well spent. I think if you are financially able to stay home for the first few years (or as long as you can) it is a wise decision, however if working helps support your family it teaches your child(ren) a valuable lesson. It is also important to dedicate family time when the children become teenagers. As much as one's life changes when kids come into the picture, the need for income will never change.

In respect to the line "I don't want a stranger raising my child" I hope the parents who use this statement learn to be a bit more flexible. As much as parents want to shelter and control what their offspring are exposed to, it is good for their development to interact with different types of people and explore different places, it will make for a more easy-going, well-rounded child. I am very picky on who cares for my daughter (who is 6) but as long as I know she is safe, cared for and well fed, I trust my own judgement.

To answer your question, my visceral responce would be that that parent is too uptight, untrusting and needs to stop sheltering the poor child. Children are learning sponges and can learn so much from other people and seeing new things and new places, not to mention the life lesson of a good work ethic; work is necessary. I try to teach my daughter to work hard, play hard. I work to live, not live to work.

(Sorry I rambled on)

Answer 12

I did both. But when I was working full time 5 days of the week. I would be in stress. Coming home and try to do things cleaning the house and so on. But I use my time of work with my kids not anything else but it was hard for me. I have two special need children that I take off work a lot. Now I am stay home mom and hardly not in stress. I was planning to go back to work 2 or 3 days out of the week. Just to get me a break from the kids. But I am pregnant again. I do have learning disability. But I do have a job coach. She told me to continue to stay home because of pregnancy and I still dealing with a lot of doctor appointment. I do take credit for all those working moms out there. They know want best for them and their children. My mom worked and went to school and take care of us while my dad was in the hospital. My youngest son is much better now. When he was in daycare he would get sick a lot. He not in daycare anymore he not getting sick that much. He goes to preschool and loves it. But he loves his mommy the most. Right now I would like to keep my baby out of daycare so it wouldn't get sick like my youngest son did.