Forgiving the bfather?

Question

My girl is an adoption and her B dad is not apart of her life by his choice. I got really angry with him last year and i told him he needed to decide what he wanted to do be in her life or not. Everyone got on my case about it saying it's not my choice and i shouldnt have been so mean. He kept playing games going back in forth oh i wanna see her then not even trying all he had to do was make one phone call that's it. I stick up for him even though my mom hated him and to the a parents when they really didnt know me i stuck my neck out on the line and he screwed me. I try not to worry about it but if he comes back into ari's life ( with a paretns ok) i dont know why i should welcome him back with open arms thanking everyone out there that he changed his mind. I know i am somewhat bitter and i'm still angry but if he comes into her life i wont say anything bad i'll treat him with respect but as far as friends or anything else i can never be that again.

Answer 1

We just finished our second adoption and the bfather wanted to maintain contact but we said no.  It's our choice as the legal parents of this child and we had the final say in the matter.  Thats an unpopular stance for many here and elsewhere but there are reasons we chose that attitude and we stick by it.  

If you want to make the same choice then as far as I am concerned you have the right to set limits.  The constant in and out will do more harm to your child then cutting off contact and explaining why later on.  IMHO anyway.  As a person, he has to be respected and you are right not to talk him down in front of your child but the fact of the matter is that the child is yours now and you are responsible, both morally and legally, for their safe and healthy upbringing so make your choices and stick with them.

Answer 2

Do what my Sis does if he calls take her to him for a lil while as long as it dosen't get in the way of planned activities .  If he dosen't call then don't fret. Keep a journal of his calls, requests & actions (& yours). NEVER talk bad about him to her its like insulting her they are blood.  Ony day when she is old enough explain even show her (journal) how you have tried to keep her incontact with her Father. The journal can also serve the pourpose of proof of his incompetance in court.  My Sis's X is gets blood clots (since we've known him)  & he calls looking for my nephew telling him to tell his mother to take him (out of town) to see him in the hospital. He lives in the same town as them & rarely see him so my sis draws the line with insane requests like that. So all I can say don't let his stupidity burn you up do your best for your daughter.

Answer 3

"My girl" is your partner?  your daughter?  

Yes, definitely protect your girl to the best of your ability!  Are you also prepared to explain to her what happened?  Why it happened?  How it happened?  Someday she will be a 40-something like me and want answers.  This is HER life you're talking about.  Ready to deal with that?

Answer 4

Obviously he doesnt want to be in his childs life because he would not go back and fourth he would fight to see that little baby and fight hard.(I heard that from a movie always wanted to say that )but seioulsy he would fight if he wants to see that little baby so what you do is tell him that he si not aloud to see her and thats final