Foster Care what are the?

Question

What are the "cons" when adopting through the foster care system in your state.

Answer 1

Washington State,

Well, I have to tell you first of all... when I first thought  about fostering to adopt I always pictured getting a call at 3AM saying come pick up this healthy baby at the hospital waiting for you to love it... but this doesn't usually happen in the foster system.  You get a call... but it is usually at 3pm during the day and it will be the saddest story you have ever heard in your life... and you want to cry and do whatever you can for this little person and his/her brother or sister or sometimes all 5 kids.  

Keep in mind when you are considering going the foster to adopt route... keep in mind that they are NOT your kids until the adoption goes through!

More cons... yes you fall in love with your troubled little one, you can have all the love in your heart and still you can't even tell daycare that they can't have so much fruit because it gives your little person diarrhea (because they aren't your kids you don't get to make those decisions)... you have to get permission to cut their hair, you have to document every scrape and bruise for fear that someone will think that you are harming this little angel you are trying to protect, you have to have a letter from a social worker to do almost everything even though they live with you.... they aren't your kids until you sign the dotted line.  

Also... keep in mind that not all parents rights are terminated right away like in your dreams!!  You will more than likely have to deal with the birth parents!!! If you don't have visitations that you have to see them once or twice a week then you at least have to see them at court hearings.  This isn't an easy task (and OF COURSE not all of them) some of them are pissed off at the world and take it out on you WHY? oh because their kids are in your home loving you... letting you kiss their boo-boos and sing them to sleep.  They will say mean things to you, try to undermine every good thing you ever taught this child in your home.

There are lots of cons when thinking about this route... it isn't for the weak... however there is NOTHING in this world like taking care of and helping one or more of these children who need you more than they will ever admit (and some of them grow up to be bitter adults who are pissed of that you didn't love them enough!!).  And if you search your soul and are willing to put yourself out there and get a lot of critizism... then it is the best, most important role you can take on.  And absolutely NONE of these con's could ever outweight the pro's in my book.

Feel free to email me if you have more specific questions. Take care.

Answer 2

You always have the chance of adopting a child with emotional or physical problems. Most of the children in foster care have been removed from their parents for neglect or abuse. Or just abandaned for disblities. But, you could also make a difference for some these children.

Answer 3

There can be cons even when adopting a baby from foster care, if the mother used drugs and alcohol there may be an underline problem that will not come out for a few years, my husbands daughter was in foster care and she was only 1, when we got her out, we found out the mother had done drugs and alcohol during pregnancy, after pregnancy and around her, the child even had drugs in her system when she was first placed in foster care, she is now almost 5 and we face many challenges everyday as a result of her past.

Answer 4

I think the cons for the adoptive parents are pretty obvious... If you adopt post infancy- You miss out on the baby years, you miss out on creating a parent-child bond that begins before the child can rememember their original mother. You can never really feel that you are the child's "only" mother, because the child has memories of their original mothers (in cases of older children).

The kids have usually been through abuse, often been through many foster homes and will understandably have a heck of a time bonding.

The foster system itself has plenty of flaws, and it is harder to adopt an infant from the foster care system (though it is very possible!!!!)

So basically the amount of work at bonding, disciplining, creating a sense of safety and home, are all going to be a lot more intense with foster care adoptions (especially the older the children are and the more they have been through emotionally)

You'll have to learn how to describe a child's prior family in a way that let's them know the abuse was not ok, but also is respectful to the previous family (very hard, our natural insinct is to feel anger toward abusive parents, and it's ok to let your child have whatever feeling they do, you just have to take a step back and not project that yourself)

I think the cons for the CHILD are none however, (unless you send them back which you should never ever do!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I appreciate your previous response to me by the way...

I worked with the foster kids that didn't get adopted (and some who did get adopted) and it's pretty rough. Not to mention some of my friends have gone through that c**p.

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Answer 5

The cons are the child doesnt ever accept being adopted cause the state adopted them out,they are angry hurt and resentful and can have major issues with behavior or trama,you need to have god like patience and donttake that kid unless you mean to keep it and have solid good intensions they are not toys.

Answer 6

Possible future emotional problems with the child because the child most likely suffered, at the least, some neglect or lack of bonding with mother; or worse, some trauma regarding mother.

Answer 7

You just have to beware of making sure you don't get what is called a "problem" child or one that has been in and out of juvie a number of times. Some have seen or grown up on the streets and when it is that type of situation, it is hard to break that streak. It is what it is unfortuanately. May God Bless you for what you are doing! Other than that, God will take Favor on you for this, I'm sure! Many children need homes that are in foster care. Some have been abused in so many ways. Abuse is a BIG word and doesn't easily go away, no matter how much you love the child. I know, I've been there, in foster care, and abused. So be very careful with the child you choose. May God take your hand and guide you in making this decision!