Foster Parentng: Which Age Range?

Question

Hello, DH and I will be starting the process f becoming foster parents soon and must make this decision. We suffer from infertility and hope to eventually adopt but I'm just dying to have kids here ASAP--whether they stay long or go back to their families. Infancy is my favorite age and it would be a dream to be placed with an infant. However, I don't want to have to wait forever to be placed with a baby which is why I'm considering the 0-10 age range. Besides, we aren't getting any younger(me-30, DH-36). But I worry that I'm just being too impatient...but I've been waiting so long!!! I do think it would be quite unfortunate to grow old and to never have cared for a baby...unless I can wait for grandchildren?? I'm very confused. I don't want to have to wait long. I know that in my county there are about 100 foster children and 45 foster families. I don't know how this ratio compares to other counties. (BTW, I am able to be home all day) What to do???

Answer 1

I understand your desire to get on the ball but make sure you have taken the time to get therapy for inability to have children. Its better to face it know instead during/after fostering.  I'm not trying to be mean but personal issues should be resolved before bringing the children of other people into the home of a stranger.

Answer 2

ALL I KNOW IS YOU CAN ONLY BE UNDER THE AGE OF 68& THAT PROBOBLY DOESNT HELP!!

Answer 3

If you are interested in fostering infants, there is a high demand for foster homes for kids born with drugs and alcohol in their system.  These are called "medical foster homes".  You will need to take extra training so that you will be prepared for the special issues these kids present.  The parents will be given a certain amount of time to get clean, and do whatever else needs to happen in order for them to be considered fit to parent their child (this wait time varies by state - in Oregon, it's 6 months).  After that time, if the parents have not completed the list of expectations, the child will most likely be placed for adoption.  In most cases, foster parents will take precedence, after a search is completed for suitable relatives.

Please keep in mind that foster kids/adoptees do not have the emotional resources to fulfill your desires.  This will be really, really difficult for them, and they should be your main focus - NOT your desire for a baby.  Please do your research on what it's like to be an adoptee/foster child.

Answer 4

Any age is great!!  I think that it is wonderful that you want to not only help but, love a child who needs it.  Just know that my favorite time with my children is when they were learning how do to things on their own.  Like cut paper, color pictures, dress themselves, etc.  I know by what you have said says you will be dedicated and caring.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

Hey.  I think this is great and I think you should consider 0-10 as your age group.  You might think that 10 is too old, but the truth is that alot of foster kids are emotionally younger than their "real" age.   So, things like reading to a 10 year-old will still be exciting.  People often forget that the children come from homes where they weren't able to be "normal kids" so they have alot of growing to do, no matter what age.  

A 10 year still might want to "cuddle" (once trust is established) because it might not have been something they never did.  They might still need to be around you all the time, like a 2-3 year old as they learn to attach and separate healthly.

Also, you need to recognize that many children might also have behaviors that are hard to accept like, wetting the bed, hiding food, not using the bathroom, stealing completely insignifcant things, etc, etc.   Some of these will get better with time and your caring and patience.  Getting a 4 year old does not guarentee better behaviors than a 10 year old.  In fact, a 4-year old might act out worse because they might not have the language to express themselves yet.

Foster kids need ALOT.  In some cases, they need complete re-parenting or partial re-parenting from birth depending on where they came from.  "Real age" does not equal emotional age.

It sounds like you have the time and interest.  Perhaps consider sibling groups.  Sometimes they are hard to place together.

Answer 6

Foster parenting is a good option for couples still trying to concieve.

If you want an infant then get an infant, depending on what city and state you live in, you probably won't have to wait long.  People have babies everyday that they don't want.