Foster Review Board?

Question

Hi. We are attending our foster-to-adopt child's review board on Thursday. Our child will be attending with us....as they want to see how he is doing/adjusting. He is under 2.

We are NOT seeking to change their decision, as that is pretty much finalized towards TPR. We just want the review board to put a face with the paperwork in front of them,answer questions, etc.

We are a bit nervous b/c the meeting is taking place during his normal nap time. We don't want him to be fussy or irritable...typical 'terrible 2' behavior. Can we bring books or small toys to the meeting, or would that be considered rude. Does he have to sit in our lap, or are these meetings more informal? He would be much happier running circles around the room and making lots of noise...but in our laps, he may come across as unhappy, which we obviously don't want to portray.

This is not a court case. It is held in the DSS/CPS office...with only social workers and CPS management present.

Thanks for advice!

Answer 1

i would explain this to everyone in the room. surely they know how a child that age is going to act. he may suprise you and only have eyes for you. so try not to stress to much. just make sure you show them the love you have for this child.

Answer 2

I'm not familiar with the term "TPR" but just remember that these folks expect children to be children.  Do what it takes to see to the welfare and comfort of the child during the meeting.  They can't fault you for looking after the best interests of the child.  Not only does it make the meeting go smoother but it shows the type of people you are as well.  Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi.

A couple of thoughts.  One, when you go in to meet with everyone, say something to the effect that it is normally your child's naptime.  It could be a quick "haha" moment or a serious mention.  Just so they now his schedule and that he might be off alittle.

From my memory, when I had "meetings" as a foster kid at the CPS office, it was very informal.  Sometimes they even had toys and books, etc in the office...I actually remember playing with some dolls one time after being given a drink and some cookies while my foster parents were talking.  I was older to tend to myself, though.

I would bring toys and a book or two in a bag with you.  Because if he is sitting on your lap, he could play while you are listening/answering.  But, they might just let him be him to see what he does...like run around in circles, make noises, etc, to show that he is a happy little kid and adjusting well.

No worries.

Answer 4

Hi Tickled Blue,

As a mom of 5 girls, might i say bring FOOD!

Snacks like cheerios or raisins and have a juice box handy:)

Kids have a hard time screaming when they have a mouth full of FOOD. LOL  Yes, bring toys.  I don't think its rude its just smart.

Seriously,  good luck:)  

I agree with LT, just tell them its nap time.  If they have EVER been parents they'll get it.

Answer 5

Yes!  Absolutely bring whatever you think will help him, please him, make him comfortable.  There will likely be toys and books there, but *his* things will be the ones he favors -- or not -- I've seen it go both ways.  Better to have them available, though.  And, no, it's not rude at all.  I don't know too many people who work with/for/around children that would expect a 2yo to 'behave' like an adult for very long...or any time at all.

I agree that you should mention that he's normally napping at that time of day.  :-)

Best to you all!!!

Answer 6

Dear Blue,

I sat in on these meetings as the voice of the child for over five years and my advice is to be your child's mom just the same as you would in any other situation!

Try to give him a nap before you go but if he doesn't go down, don't worry! Explain that it is his usual naptime if he is acting tired or fussy. These people work with kids and hopefully at least a few of them have their own so they will TOTALLY understand!!

ABSOLUTELY bring books, toys a snack whatever you need to make your son happy and comfortable! It would be rude to your son not to do this. (Ususally these meetings are held in the "family room" which should be equipped for entertaining and interacting with children. There should be toys and books as well as "family room" type furniture and decor.) Don't force your son to sit on your lap and "behave" if he wants to get up and run around! These people want to see how you interact with your child. Acknowledge him and his needs - they want to see that! If the opportunity to play with him if you is available - do it as long as it doesn't interfere with the interview. If he gets too crazy, do what you would do if you were anywhere else and he were getting too rambunctious.

I assure you, these people want and NEED to see your family as naturally and normally as possible so they can make the best decisions in regards to the children they serve. They will be aware of it if you try to be too stiff or formal and it will be talked about after you leave. I have had several converstations questioning why a someone DIDN'T bring a bottle for their 6 month old and why someone didn't take a second get up and help their kids figure out a toy they were having trouble operating or why someone didn't correct their child for jumping one the couch. These people know its not like it is at your home and that kids sometimes act differently in new situations with strangers- it's their job! Don't stress it. Be yourself and let your son be himself. Good luck - I think you'll be just fine!! :)

Answer 7

While I never attended any of these meetings, they are simple and to the point.  Why wouldn't you want him to portray a normal / typical 2 year old.  They aren't looking to see if he is acting up as a 2 year old will be.  I would bring toys / books / maybe even a little snack with some juice and he should be fine.   With all of the attention, you would be surprised on how he will act.  

Sorry to hear that this has come to a TPR, as it is horrible to go thru - especially for the natural / first parents.  In our case the TPR lasted 1 1/2 years....we didn't miss one court hearing and the last visits for our son were something I wish he never should have had to go thru - but then again it helped him to say goodbye and his first parents actually owned up to the fact that they couldn't take care of him and admitted it.