Foster adoptoin. Are all the kids from foster care that hard to care for? Or are some?

Question

of them just older? I want to adopt an older child like 3 5 years well I guess not to much older but are some of them just older and not necessarly special needs?

Answer 1

some are and some are not. It depends what they have been through that has brought them to foster care. No doubt they  need love and attention and parents though

Answer 2

yes pretty much. well i had a couple friends at my school who were in foster care. they were there because their mothers basically didn't want them so they just gave them up , and no one ever came to adopt them because they got too old.

Answer 3

having parents who have worked in foster care, and myself being adopted i can tell you truthfully. most of the children do have issues. by issues i mean trust issues, self doubt/worth, anger.

Answer 4

You have to keep in mind -- there is a REASON they are in foster care!  And it is NOT because they have wonderful, stable, caring and loving families who are doing well!

They have, most of the time, loving but misguided, dysfunctional, unhealthy, stressed out, and/or ill families.

These little ones have been hit, pinched, left alone, ignored, sexually violated, screamed at, called names, and schlepped around from pillar to post.  The WORST thing anyone can do, is take the attitude that "All they need is love!"  This is not true.  Most of these precious but very hurt kids need lot of therapy and the patience of Job!  They are, of course, sweet and loving children underneath the pain.  But they have been put through, in many cases, adult issues, adult trauma, adult pain.  You just can't snap out of that!

The BEST thing a foster/adopt parent can do is be realistic.  This is best for the child!  Then you do not have these idealistic expectations that this child will be transformed from a very hurt and angry and needy child into a little Shirley Temple.

Answer 5

My sister and I have been foster parents for 18 years.  She worked nights  I worked days.  Nights I took care of them then on to day care and  and in the after noon she had them. We have had alot of children and have adopted 3 { so far }   .  We keep saying no more but if parental rights are terminated  { we have first option to adopt  }  We have had alot of preemies that parents have been on drugs.  We keep them till families trained to care for them come forward then a back round check.  We  have open adoptions as at least one parent has gotten their life together.  They all have some problems, but you have to realize that the apple does not fall too far from the tree.  the parents even if they get their life together,  it has done some damage to them and their children.  We have a 16 year old that mentally challenged,  a 9 year old one who has attachment disorder,  and the 4 year old who has had 2 strokes so far.  I do not regret one of them. They say we foster parents do it for the money, We received $225.00 a month,  plus $150.00 a year clothing allowance.  It does cover all medications and Dr..  We could not do it otherwise . Try to raise children and make money on that

Answer 6

After doing 'Foster Care' for nearly 8 years and having over 65 children in and out of my house was an amazing blessing for me and my family!  I probably would have adopted all of them if I had the means!  Although they were amazing children and touched our lives in many ways; they all seemed to have 'problems!'  Some of them more so than others but there is usually a 'tough' reason they are in the system!  To me, it was easier having a foster child brought to you from the hospital right after birth and caring for them long term.  It was much much harder having a 2 or 3 year old and caring for them long term.  The older children usually already have their own routine and are much harder to adapt in to your families routine!  Not that it coudn't be done; just harder and took much for patience as care givers!  

I wish you the best of luck in your quest for foster adopt!  It's an amazing thing to do and the children will surely bless you!  This has just been my opinion and how I feel!

Answer 7

There are very few "normal" children in foster care.  At the very least they have been traumatized by whatever circumstances landed them in state custody.   Parents that have lost their children have not exposed them to the best of experiences...  therefore most of them have some sort of special needs, even if it is just counseling.

Answer 8

Of course the children are going to have issues, but as a foster parent, I haven't run into any issues that I was unable to handle.  However, my agency had us fill out an extensive list of behaviors, disabilities, etc. that we were willing or unwilling to accept.  (For instance, our home is not handicap accessible, so we cannot accomodate a child in need of a wheelchair.)  So, I'm sure we have probably avoided some difficult situations just by our answers on that form.  You need to be willing to admit to yourself and your agency what you are able to handle.  You won't be doing anyone any favors if you take a child that you think is beyond your ability to care for.  

Also, in my state (Pa.) they refer to most of the foster children as special needs.  While that may sound scarry, they define special needs a number of ways.  For instance, any child over the age of 5 is considered special needs simply because they are more difficult to place in an adoptive home.  Also, sibling groups are considered special needs, for adoptive purposes.  If you look into adoption from the foster care system, you need to see what your agency defines as special needs.  

Foster parenting is difficult but rewarding.  Just keep in mind, if you are planning on getting a child that is adoptable right away, that may not happen.  My husband and I have been doing fostering for over a year and still have not been able to adopt any of our foster children.  Best of luck to you!