Foster care question?

Question

I was watching a show where parents' rights were terminated due to abuse. There were sets of four and five kids without a home anymore, taken away. How can a parent or parents just leave their kids like that? Don't they care? I know I love my daughter more than anything, I couldn't live without her. Sad.

Answer 1

Maybe the parents are struggling with cancer, alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness or they were abused as children and teens or sometimes adults by their husbands. You will have to be more specific about the show.  I don't want to be ignorantly judgmental and stupidly self righteous. It would be such a bad influence on my christian based church and a disservice to our society  as a whole.  I agree though it shouldn't be tolerated but at the least we can take the time to find out the cause so its not repeated.

Answer 2

I don't know the specifics of the case, but I do know that many people who are abused (mentally, physically, or emotionally) wind up being abusers themselves. There are many more people who, when struggling with extended stress, depression, an addiction, etc., don't know how to properly respond/react to their children.

I have found that most people do care. Our child's mother cares deeply for and loves her child. She simply wasn't and isn't able to make healthy decisions for her child or herself. Our life experiences make up who we are. While your home and my home may have been filled with love and support, that isn't the case for all people or even most people. If someone isn't shown how to handle stress, shown how to properly deal with their problems, shown how to be a mother or father, then how could we expect them to suddenly and consistenly deal with their children in a loving, supportive way. I do not condone child abuse. I simply believe that most people are a product of their environment. While you can overcome it and successfully parent in the future, I believe that a lifetime of wrong behaviors/choices/beliefs....isn't something you can just fix overnight....Even when you love your children. Generally, parents of foster children are given 15 months to seek the required care for whatever problems they are having that caused the removal of the child. I5 months to completely erase every negative thing your parents did and taught you, 15 months to completely rid yourself of any addiction, get a job, go to counseling, visit your child, visit with counselors who are pushing you to give up your child, etc etc etc. I don't know that 15 months would be enough time for me to accomplish all of that.....not to mention the fact that every day that goes by is one more day that my child is bonding with his new family, one more day he doesn't remember me, one more day I am told that it is 'in his best interests' to be adopted. I just think someone who is already having problems with stress, depression, anxiety, poverty, addiction, etc., would have a far more difficult time making herself a fit parent in such a short time. It can be done....but many will try and fail and many will give up trying when they 'recognize' how much 'better off their child is' in someone else's care.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

Answer 3

You keep saying that the parents abandoned their children.  I don't see it as their abandoning their children as much as their violating a sacred trust between a parent and a child.  That being that the child will not be abused and will only be protected by the parent.  Once that is proved to have occurred then society, through the courts, must step in to deal with the situation as it sees fit.  In that case it was to sever the parents rights and place the child where they would be safe.

Answer 4

OMG for the first time EVER I agree with Independent lol!

In all seriousness, I had a good mother who became addicted to adivin when it was prescribed by her doctor. It changed her for a period of 2 years. During that time she hit me and ignored me. She left twice, leaving me with my then 16 year old sister. I was 8 at the time. It was neglectful and abusive, and even abandonment... When she got off the Adivin she became herself again. She spent the rest of her life trying to make up for those two years. Things are not always so black and white.

Answer 5

It takes someone who is very screwed up psychologically or just plain sadistic to abuse or neglect their children. A lot of those people, when their children are removed from the home, claim to love their children, too.

Answer 6

Parents who abuse their children don't NOT love their children.  Most of these parents were either raised the same way they are raising their children and think it's normal, it's the effects of drug / alcohol use / abuse.  They do love their children and always will, but sometimes find themselves in a position where they can't take care of / raise their children.  Drug use / abuse is very controlling of a person and can make you do things that you wouldn't normally do!

Adopting a son whose first parents made bad choices - yes - but doesn't mean they don't love him unconditionally!

Answer 7

When parents are abusive, it's often because they've been abused.  The cycle keeps repeating itself without intervention.  Many times, the parents are addicts, which is a disease just like diabetes and heart disease.  Some are strong enough to make the sacrifices to overcome it, and some just don't.  Often times, the parents involved suffer from severe clinical depression, and other mental illness.  Many others don't have a clue how to get out of the cycle.  They don't know that there are programs to get them help.  That's one of the reasons foster care is around, to give some parents a second chance, and to be able to be good role models for their kids.  It's a very imperfect system, a lot of flaws, mostly because the people making the laws haven't ever lived truly poor, they've had advantages that some never dream about.  There aren't enough volunteers to be foster families, nor are there enough families to adopt teen kids.  Also, it's hard to take the classes when they only teach them a couple of times a year in your area, and you can't pick the time of day that they teach them, which can make it impossible for many to take.  There needs to be more information on who can be foster families, and how easy some of it is.  A lot of it's not easy, however, the rewards of seeing a child blossom because they're getting a little help, and getting confidence, and moving ahead in life is soooooooooo worth it!

Answer 8

I was a foster kid in that exact situation.

And the answer is, yes, they are selfish people who chose their behaviors over their children.  

In most instances, it takes over 15 months for parent's rights to be terminated (TPR).  During that time period, the parents are supposed to be working their case plan, so they can get their children back.  The plan usually involves things like parenting classes, job skills, addiction counseling, mental health counseling, etc.

All kinds of help is made available to them.  But when they fail to follow their plan or simply abandon the children, the kids wind up in care indefinitely.

I don't know if I would say the parents don't care about the children, I think they just care more about themselves or are so disturbed, they are incapable of understanding.

Yes, there is a cycle of abuse.  BUT, the parent's make that choice.  The truth is that the majority of people who were abused DO NOT abuse their children.  But, those that do abuse, were probably abused themselves.  Is that an excuse?  NO WAY IN h**l.  There is no excuse for hurting a child.  

The ramifications on a child in foster care are tremendous.  They feel lost for the majority of our lives, they feel no one cares, they feel like they don't belong.

Foster kids have 4 times greater rates of PTSD than combat veterns.  That is HUGE.

Foster kids are less educated than the general population.  Only 10% goto college, 2% graduate.

Foster kids make up the majority of the prison population

Foster kids experience periods of homelessness at much higher rates than the population

It is sad.  The choices that the parents made for their selfish reasons impact innocent children for the rest of their lives.  And in most cases when TPR does occur, the bio-parents never know how the foster system affects their children.