Fostering 2 children for the holidays~ Need advice?

Question

We are awaiting final approval to foster 2 abandoned children for the holidays. I do not think we will get to choose but I have asked for older children. My only concern now is that with Christmas.. comes gifts. I have no problem supplying these children with the same amount of gifts my own children recieve but they cannot take them back as theirs. Now I am feeling guilty for asking for older children. It seems I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cannot not give them gifts but how unfair and cruel is that or give to them knowing that they will not be allowed to keep them. The only other option is to ask for babies who will not care and although I think every child deserves to be with a family for the holidays I felt older children would benefit from it more. I am at a loss here and if I need to change my request and my last minute shopping I need to do it FAST! What is your advice.

Answer 1

Can they keep clothes?  Nice gloves, hats, sweaters?

Answer 2

I'd encourage you to get things that are "consumables", so they can use them while they are with you, but then they are used up.  Food, treats, glow necklaces, nail polish, bubble bath, coloring or puzzle books, crayons and markers are all in this category (and I'm sure you can think of  many more!)  The other thing you could do is to think of experiences that they may not have had, and have your gift to the children be an outing to see Christmas lights at the zoo or caroling then out for hot chocolate.  

I think your plan to foster is wonderful!  Good luck!

Edit:

I had an 8 year old girl in a similar situation for the summer.  It was perhaps easier in a sense since it was not a gift-giving occasion, but I signed her up for swim team and martial arts, and she was able to keep ribbons she earned, certificates and photos.  Regular family life and keeping everyone busy worked really well for us, and it was fun for all.

Answer 3

is there a concert or theatre show around that time?? i know that there are a lot of kid performances out now (hanna montana, high school musical) that they might enjoy.  this way they can have a special memory, yet not have to worry about the communal part.  also, is it possible to give (in addition to the concert or special outing) a gift that all the kids can share?  something like a video game and small TV or some DVDs that kids would like...

i really hope it all works out.

merry christmas...

Answer 4

What a fantastic thing to do.  We have 'our' kids over from Belarus right now too and have already had 'tea with Santa' which was very exciting for them.

I think the 'consumables' ideas are great.  And the memories of a good christmas will last alot longer than any gift ever could

Answer 5

Take them places they never get to see or do.  New haircut or spa treatment. Spend time with them. Give them things no one has gave them the joy of a family. I would still ask for older children for they are always the ones left out. god Bless your family for doing this.

Answer 6

I like all of the ideas about giving them gifts they can use while you are there, as well as ideas about clothing or experiences... Is it possible you could get them gifts designed to "share" with others, such as board games? They couldn't play them on their own, anyhow, so sharing would be a good thing!

Answer 7

Hi Freedom,

Thank you for fostering the older children.  I'm sure that the memories of a happy holiday will stay with them for the rest of their lives.  You are right - they would benefit the most.

What I would recommend is giving them things that they can use and/or consume during the time they are with you.  That way there would not be anything they would have to leave behind.

I'm not sure I understand why they would not be allowed to keep gifts that you have given them.  That's sad.  Is there any way you could speak to somebody about changing that rule?  It sounds like a very unfair thing to do to a foster child.

Some ideas of things you could do include taking them someplace really fun such as an amusement park, taking them out to a very nice restaurant for a special holiday meal, attending an event such as the circus, a play, a sporting event, a concert, etc.  Even taking them out for a day of being pampered at a spa would be appreciated where they could get their hair & nails done, have a massage or a facial, etc.  Maybe you could let them help you bake Christmas cookies & decorate your Christmas tree and home while you listen to Christmas music.  Could you take them on a sleigh ride or go carolling?

Gifts like those do not have to be returned, nor shared with the others, and the child will have the fun memories forever.

Good luck,

julie j

Answer 8

Freedom - since the kids live in the orphanage I would imagine they are used to sharing everything. Would they understand that even though it's a gift that they will have to share once they are back at the orphanage? Could you explain that to them? It just seems that giving them the excitement of opening something could be worth it in and of itself. And they will still get to use or play with whatever you give them - just with the other kids too.

Answer 9

consumable gifts and memories are the best ideas. If it is girls you are taking in, stock up now and buy 'spa' items such as make-up, nailpolish, foot scrubs, waxs etc and rent out a couple  new movies that you think they might want to see and have a 'spa night' everyone can get all dolled up and sit around watching movies. You could even go out a buy a couple big fluffy robes and slippers for the spa night so that the girls can curl up in something soft and cuddly.

Hold off decorating your tree until christmas eve and let them join in on the fun and then everyone can start making a ginger bread house after decorating. Fill a stocking with thinsg they probably don't get at the orphanages like chocolates and candy, cookies and other sweets. Maybe you can get them new toothbrushes (I know it seems so little, but I can not see them taking away a toothbrush, this way they will have something that is THEIRS something diffrent than everyone elses and it's uniquely them).

I think it is a good thing that you are doing and it is true this is better served to the older children as the babies will not remember it. Just fill up your days together with memories. A big family dinner with all the fixings and having those crackers on each plate. Maybe buy some fireworks and sparklers to set off on christmas night.

Answer 10

Hey Freedom,

You are so sweet for doing this. (I'm sure I'll get thumbs down for saying that.) I'm sorry but I can't remember the age of your children. Is there any way that you could ask your children to either hold off on Christmas presents or do Christmas before the foster children arrive? If they are really young, you could tell them that Santa needs to come early this year.

On Christmas Day, could you do the stockings and fill them with fruit, nuts, & little candies and then have a family present like a new sled/sledge that everyone could play on? Maybe if you get another tree and let them all decorate them with ornaments they've made themselves or make a gingerbread house together? Then you could all get in the kitchen and make something wonderful and could go caroling in the afternoon or early evening? Will the orphanage let them at least have photos to keep or clothes/mittens? That's so sad.

As you say, babies won't really be able to appreciate Christmas, but it will mean so much for older children. I'll run a search for you for Romanian traditions and then send you the links. Bless you for what you are doing and bless these children's hearts.

PS: I don't know about you but I couldn't handle the "pig" thing. I do know that Romanian traditions are very similar to German traditions. There may be better recipes from there.

Sorry I wasn't any help.

Answer 11

I cannot believe that someone who would take in Foster children would not be willing to let them keep the things you buy them! This may be there only real christmas and you treating it like its all for show and they have to give everything back , I feel bad for those poor kids!