Found out my bf of 3 years dabbling into drugs. What to do?

Question

In the early days of our relationship I have been upfront about my "Say No To Drugs" stand. He told me he used to party a lot in UK but has now mellowed down.

Fast-forward..now its been 3 years, we are soon to marry and I found out that he still occasionally takes it. E, Coke, 420 on top of chain smoking and alcohol. He told me these and I reiterated that I condone drug abuse, that it is a home wrecker. He said "but I like it" and mentioned that his close friends, a few close members of his family uses it. I feel that he is giving them as an excuse that it is ok to use drugs. I said it makes me sad that he cant, doesn't even want to fight his addictions/demons.

I am soon to move to UK from USA this month when I found out about this. He comes from a family with money, is mild mannered, has a stable job & is currently updating our UK house. Before I learned of the current drug use, I agreed to give up my American dream so I can start a family with him in UK. I cant compromise my morals and my future! Am I wrong?

I have never done any illicit drugs.I can never be happy knowing that addictions stand in the way. They will detach me. And I feel sooo sad to learn that he is resistant to therapy.

Any decent insights on this matter?

Answer 1

Admit him to some drug rehabilation centre and make him understand it wont do any good for him, but will just kill him slowly. If he doesnt listens to you, speak to his parents or freinds and take their help. All the best.

Answer 2

leave him..

nothin turns out good with drug..

Answer 3

leave him, in the long run he is gonna become a hassle for yourself.

Answer 4

Oh hun, don't move to the UK to marry this guy.  Your life will be very unhappy with him.  He knew your views on what he's doing and did it anyway.  He has no respect for you.  You deserve better.

Answer 5

Im so sorry that he feels unable to give up his addictions in order to have a happy life with you.

I had a partner who also dabbled in drugs and was an alcoholic. The pain I went through in that relationship was unbelievable.

I was lied to constantly about his drug and alcohol use, he would suffer extreme mood swings due to come downs or hangovers and we had no money whatsoever as it all went on his substance abuse.

He also thought there wasn't a problem as lots of his friends did it and his father was a heavy drinker.

I broke up with him 5 years ago and have never looked back. Being in a relationship with him was an awful experience and I only wish I'd left earlier.

Ultimately whatever you decide to do is your decision but if he's making you this upset now how much worse will it be when you move to the UK and no longer have your support network of friends and family to help you cope through all of this?

Answer 6

Good question, here's the thing, it's ok that other people have issues and you can try to help, but your can't let there issues become your issues.  If you can help and support without getting involved yourself then go for it, if not maybe back off.

You can't help somebody who doesn't want help.  If he doesn't want help then keep some distance, it could be dangerous for you.  If he does want help, and is sincere, offer it, that's what your there for, but i guess you have to decide what you want to?

I have a website that might help.

http://www.dream-life-coaching.com/relat...

good luck

  

Answer 7

Stop being soft and get some pills down ya neck.......

Answer 8

That's a tough one. One friend of mine got involved with a guy who became a pretty heavy user of coke and pills and green, and his personality totally changed! He became someone totally different, and they ended up splitting up. Another friend got involved with a guy who was into it already, and when he stopped using them (she didn't use at all) they split up cos she didn't like him as much after he quit.

He probably doesn't see his nights out as drug fuelled anymore, cos EVERYONE is doing coke! It's seen as just having another drink here, and so because he isn't spending the whole weekend out of his tree he doesn't see it as a major problem. There is a really different attitude to drinking over here, and it is seen as the social thing to do, and he probably sees coke in the same way. Drugs are never good (although they feel that way at the time) and if he doesn't see it as a big deal he is probably wondering why you do. It might be different when you move over there, but it seems his drinking and smoking are issues to you too. If you feel so strongly about it, you may wish to re-think, because you totally disagree with his whole social life!

Answer 9

Stay where you are. He had 3 years to kick the habit and he did not do it. You will have to dael with it for the rest of your life, Do you really want to do that?

Answer 10

He has chosen the drugs over you and it is time to let him go.

You say you are giving up your dream to move to the UK (it's not that bad!!) so don't sound too keen on the idea anyway.

There are lots more (sober) fish in the sea.