Four kids youngest only 16wks! pregnant again husband not happy wasnt last time either! what can i do?

Question

my husband and i have four kids we thought we couldnt have more than 3 because my hub had chemo so baby 4 was a real suprise i was over the moon he was furious because we were just getting our life back after kids grown up and recovering from cancer!!!our beautifull baby is just 16wks and my period hasnt come and done 4 positve tests. we are flat broke due to inflation we were convinced baby 4 was fluke so shocked to get pregnant this quick again!! i adore my kids so does my hub but says we just cant afford this baby im so confused what should i do? we are both 34 i suppose if i want to keep my family together i have to do what my hub thinks best???

Answer 1

Well the options are pretty stark - either have the baby or have a termination. You might get the left wing loonies here telling you that abortion is a sin etc but unfortunately they seem to be your only 2 choices. It's not an easy decision to make and I do not envy you. Good luck.

P.S. Make sure your husband gets the snip, you get your tubes tied or use some other extremely effective form of contraception!

Answer 2

contact me if you need a foster parent.

and next time be careful. be more careful. The is such thing we call "family planning".

Answer 3

Nope, you don't have to do what your hub thinks best. You have to do what you think is best, and while I fully support legal abortion, only the woman who is pregnant can decide if it's the right thing in her situation.

I suspect you want this baby and would like to decide that you'll carry the pregnancy to term, so I'll help you justify that decision. If you are "flat broke" with four, you will still be "flat broke" when you have five, but you won't be all that much worse off. And Medicaid will cover your prenatal expenses; our current administration is very solicitous of children before they are born, not so much after!

You might consider tubal ligation after your fifth delivery. It reduces the risk of ovarian cancer and has no known harmful effects. At age 34+ with five children, you probably would not be seeking to have any more.

Again, let me reiterate that I do not oppose the ending of a pregnancy as long as that decision is made by the woman who has become pregnant.

Answer 4

i'll be honest i think if you and your husband do not want any more kids the best thing is to look what you can do.you could have a abortion or you could give the baby up for adoption.you need to look what is best for the unborn baby and look at if you could cope with what you are doing or not doing.it is a very hard decision and no matter what me and other people say its down to you and not us.i wish you all the luck in the world and i really hope you make the correct decision  

Answer 5

He should've kept it in his pants if he can't handle the consequences. Tell him to be mad at himself, not you, he caused it as much as you did. Don't tolerate it.  

Answer 6

Blimey! Don't you have a telly?!

Seriously, I have three kids. All were accidents - three different forms of contraception people - it happens even when you really don't want it!

5 kids is a big burden and you don't give any indication of how you feel about abortion.

You know your husband will love the baby by the time it is born. But you seriously need to think about the practicalities. How will you cope? Financially, physically and mentally. I take it the first 3 kids are grown up but having two kids 13 months apart is gonna be hard work, but then if you already have a little one it isn't going to drastically change your day to day living (except you will be a zombie!). I think you and your husband need to do a lot more talking. It will all be fine y'know. Whether or not you have this child. You will get there. But you must listen and talk to each other. Just because the baby is in your body doesn't mean you are responsible for being pregnant - if he didn't want any more kids so much he should have had a ****!

Good luck petal. It'll all come good. You'll see... x

Answer 7

Obviously, since this baby (and the last one) had little chance of happening, you must be meant to have these children. I don't know if you are religious at all, but the only explanation I can think of is that God intended for you to have these children. Be grateful and excited! Congrats!

Answer 8

make him wear a rubber, if you are going to stick it you have to stick with it. Everything is a blessing at this point he could be gone, tell him to quit feeling sorry for himself and be happy he can still have some strong swimmers. There is always adoption. what a putz

Answer 9

Thing is only you and he can decide. If you want this baby and he doesn't someone is bound to feel hard done by. Perhaps the compromise is that you offer to, and be prepared to, get steralised after the birth of the 5th child. Either that or he offers to, and gets, a vasectomy given that neither of you seem to be prepared to use contracetion.

Answer 10

i just  wish you all the best .. and tell him to pull his head in .. he made the kid .. so he has to look after it i say ..

Answer 11

its sounds like you are having a tough time with it and some posts on here arent being very nice at all! i think you and your hubby needs to have a good chat and work out what to do, at the end of the day though its your body and your baby as well, dont get rid of it just cos your hubby doesnt want it you'll only ending up resenting him. Good luck with whatever you decide x

Answer 12

Were you careless with your birth control?

Your family is now looking on the large side.

I'm afraid only you can decide whether to keep this latest pregnancy or terminate it.  Sorry.

Answer 13

If he seriously didn't want more kids he should of had the snip! Well its abortion, adoption or keep. Each has mental or the latter a financial impact. The first two for him prob would be easy to handle as men can dissosciate themselves from it, but for you it will be hard im sure and there would be a lot of emotional pain.

Answer 14

I feel for you. How awful to be excited about being pregnant and your husband not feeling the same way. I can see things from his perspective, especially with the illness recovery but please don't think he  should have the last word on this. Its your body and takes two to tango! You need to sit down with him and have an in-depth chat about how you both feel, explaining those feelings where possible. Please follow your heart. I wish you all the best. x

Answer 15

Its the year 2008 -  Try looking up the word CONTRACEPTION in the dictionary.

Answer 16

Hopefully you have worked out what makes you pregnant by now?.  

Answer 17

use contraception? and no you shouldn't just do what your husband thinks is best - you should sit down and talk about what you both want and then make a decision based on that - but ultimately it is your decision not his.

Answer 18

pregnant again  husband not happy, what can i do?

       answer= do not listen to your husband and get an abortion.

               abortion is a sin,my advice is have this baby ,and after do everything you can to stop having more kids.

          sources=you already have problems with the 4 that you have,and not enough money .

Answer 19

II am sure  that you  don't  need to be told  that you and your  partner are stupid.  The fact that you are pregnant again with a  infant  just 16 weeks old  is  proof enough!.  You  have several options open to you which are ( termination)  (keep it) (have it and  have it adopted). once  you have made your mind  up  about you are going to do it would make  good sense to speak to  your MD about being  sterilised, which  will remove any possibility of  having  an unwanted pregnancy again.

Answer 20

Unfortunately your dilemma is self induced, so I haven't any sympathy. You haven't thought of what might happen, before you got pregnant 5 times - so I fail to see what your problem is now that it has happened.

It sounds harsh, but it is true. If you are happy bringing a child into a family that is broke - then that's up to you. If you husband doesn't like it then he ought not to have been having s*x with you.

If you AND your husband are unhappy about the situation then choose an abortion. That way your unfortunate existing children might actually get something for their dinner and christmas presents...

Consider NOT HAVING s*x - or this will just happen to you again and again. It's sickening that a baby has to be aborted because the parents are too stupid to avoid it.  

Answer 21

Just so you know, there's this new thing called birth control. It "controls" whether or not you get pregnant and "birth" a baby.

I understand where your husband is coming from. We have 3 teenagers and I have told my husband if I ever say I want another baby then punch me in the arm as hard as you can (jokingly but I DO NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN - I had my tubes tied BEFORE I left the hospital with baby #3). I love my children with ALL my heart but I can see the "light" at the end of the tunnel. Just like your husband probably did.

Now, keeping your family together by doing what your husband thinks is best isn't the answer. Did you talk about your positions on abortion before you married? For most people it's definitely one way or the other! I wouldn't be able to stand a partner who was Pro-Choice and there are others that are just the opposite but as firm in their beliefs.

You have A LOT to consider so take your time and have a LONG talk with your husband without distractions!

Good Luck!

Answer 22

Hi dont blame your unborn baby for this one, its both yours and your hubbys fault for not being more careful, so what if you hubby is annoyed he is part to blame as well, and I think that you should keep the baby and use your contraception properly, havent you both learned from the last time you got pregnant. anyways there is no doubt about it that you should keep this baby, weather you hubby wants to keep it or not, I find it disgusting wanting to get rid of it because you both would rather have s*x than be more careful.

Even people in worse situtaions than you have managed so its possible and you will just have to make do.

If you hubby has threatend to leave you or something if you have his baby then stuff him, you baby is more important or at least adopt your baby to someone who has been trying for years but dont kill it is not fair.  

Answer 23

My partner and I tried 3 years for a baby when it eventually happened. We now have a beautiful 21 week old son and by total surprise I am 13 weeks pregnant again. Unlike yours my partner is delighted. I am so sorry your husband feels this way, but if he was really that bothered he should have used a condom or got the snip before he jumped on top of you. You can't mess about with a baby's life like that. It's not fair on the baby and it's certainly not fair on you as it's obvious that you thrive on motherhood. If he made you get rid of the baby would you not just end up resenting him for it? I know I would. Good Luck.

Answer 24

The Bible tells us to go forth and multiply.

Answer 25

Follow your heart , don`t let him talk you round to termination .

Answer 26

you keep the baby, if he doesn't like it he knows where to go!!

sorry that is my honest opinion and I also dont believe in abortion,

Answer 27

Well my love you have three options:

- TOP

- adoption

- have the child.

Have a serious conversation with your hubby once he's had chance to calm down a bit. He's angry at the extra financial pressure it's putting him under, but he might come round.

Follow this up with a serious conversation about contraception.

Answer 28

emmmm, u should really be using birth control if you dont want to expand your family.  i think you should think about a termination...if you cant afford it then what kind of life is it going to have and the kids you already have?  go to the gp and look into birth control  

Answer 29

Why were you shocked? the doctor probably told your hubby that having the chemo would probably mean no more kids - the word is probably not impossible? You have 4 kids so another one wont make that much difference will it, do you not get more money for child benefit and tax credits etc. Do not do what hubby wants, do what you want or talk to each other, you are 16wks its a bit late to do anything??

Good luck on whatever you decide.

Answer 30

But if you do what your husband thinks is best and its not something you want to do then you'll end up regretting it and resenting him maybe later down the line. You need to sit down together, talk and come to a MUTUAL decision.  

Answer 31

How have you managed to have two 'accidents'? Are you deliberately trying to get pregnant even though you know your husband doesn't want another kid? Have you heard of contraception?

Like the other poster said, only you can decide whether to abort or not. Your husband has been seriously ill and I'm not surprised he doesn't find the thought of having another squalling baby all that pleasant.

Having said that, you are a couple and any decision you make should be mutual.