Free verse poem??????

Question

This is my first attempt at free verse.

You leave me breathless

That’s how good you are

Like two turtle doves

We belong together

Our love is eternal

I want to make it official

I see you looking handsome

In your gorgeous tuxedo

As I walk toward the altar

I find that I can’t move

No matter how much I try

I just can’t get closer

I break down in tears

And realize that I

Can’t marry the man I love

Yeah....it was tough to write. I'm fourteen, so any help is greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

This is free verse, where anything and everything is doable. The last two lines are strong. If you are fourteen, then what you do is most adapting. Perhaps read more books and find poetic language within, then, write a mini-novel or a short story?

I am sure reading or writing weekly short-stories will inspire. The promise of using skills gained from such an experience, who knows, the poetic-path? The cross-over to written narratives is worth the challange. Meaning, there is promise in a poem, as all.

The above poster recommends John Donne, I concur.

Lord Byron and Alexander Pushkin, I recommended.

Answer 2

This is a very good first try at free verse.  It is difficult to make the switch from rhyme and meter to the freedom that is here.  You are still maintaining strict style, try to let that go; let the line be your complete thought or carry it down the page in a zig zag pattern.  Free verse is very free.

First love breaks your heart over and over, but it's part of growing.

Keep writing.

T.

Answer 3

To be frank, this poem sounds like it was written by a fourteen year-old, which isn't a bad thing.  Sure, you don't have the life experience to invoke mature love, but how could you?

In terms of your craft, I would assess specifically diction and form.  Your choice of words, of images in general, is a bit stiff.  Two examples that betray your age are "That's how good you are" and "gorgeous tuxedo."  Both of these selections, these choices, are emotionally vague and, yes, a little inexperienced.  As for your form (and this is something you can do even at your age), I would study, study, study.  Learn meter, dissect the craft of masters.  Free verse is a luxury of the knowledgeable; you have to first establish an understanding of how iambs interact, how punctuation governs time and space.  Get the basics under your belt, experiment within the context of form, and then explore the possibilities of free verse.

To inform your writing, I would check out the seventeenth-century poet John Donne, who does amazing things with form and continually touches on love as a subject.  He's a great read for aspiring poets, and I think that his craft and content pertain directly to your development.

Thanks for writing and keep it up!