Fresh poem, what do you think?

Question

Just wrote it. Got inspired because I told my boyfriend (jokingly) that our love was a fallacy. Its short, but I kind of like it the way it is. What do you think? Should I go longer?

Our love was a fallacy

Burried lies and

Burried lives

In a garden among the dead

The false flowers are stark

Against your granite grave

The freshly carved words

Mark your life and death

In a garden among the dead

Our unreal love rings true

The bell tolls as a wedding is through

And the widow stands alone

Answer 1

yeah! it is really  fresh and i like the way you write it. make some more!

Answer 2

"Fresh" is the correct term here, it was a nice read, perky and with lots of attitude, kind of gave me a feeling of "kitten with a whip", well done.

Answer 3

this would be a good short song. make it a tiny bit longer and then it will be great.

i am 11 and here is my poem

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

Good. I love the last line so I wouldn't make it any longer!