Friend and boyfriend help?

Question

right im going to give you a much detail as possible because i havent in past questions and got stupid answers, im 15 and i have a boyfriend, ben who was friends with this guy called ross but fell out because of something stupid but i cant remember what exactly (definately not over me though) and i used to like ross and he liked me at the same time but we decided just not to go out with each other and we still speak and have friendly flirt with each other like hitting each other and hugging when we see each other and leaning agaist him. ben is away in america and has been for 1 week, 1 week to go. i was at a sleepover last night and ross was there but because their rooms are quite small we seperate into different rooms. i was with ross and another girl but she got called out to see her gran who got taken into hospital (random info)so it was me and ross left. we were talking and we were a bit drunk but not that much and he moved closer to me and stroked my face. i just stared at him funnily and he laughed. he then put his face beside mines but i said ross im going out with ben remember. he said i dont care, hes a ****** (f word) i said no, im not doing this. so he said sorry and said that he liked me. i went okay but im going out with ben and im staying with him we are just friends. he said i dont just want to be that though. and put his arm round me touching my bum. i moved it and he went but babe i want you. i said im going to sleep. and he went ok. so i turned around and sat their thinking. he then came up behind me and said please just one kiss. and i went no. i sat there again. and must have turned and he snogged me and i snogged him back by mistake because i was half asleep. he went, i knew you would eventually. i went oops, im so sorry and went on a massive rant. then went to sleep. he woke me up by putting him arm round me onto my tummy and i just held my hand on it by mistake AGAIN. the morning after i woke up and he said i love you and went in for a kiss but i pulled back and pushed him away. what happened after that wasnt very interesting so i dont need to say anything about that. but i didnt speak to him.

i know i should have walked out the room but i just didnt think and im scared that he will tell ben and break us up. and its not that i can say i didnt because i did and he will say swear to god but i cant do that either.

i dont need a person saying you shouldnt have done it but as i said it was by mistake and i was tired because it was like at 3 in the morning.

sorry for the long essay aswell. (:

what should i do? with ben and ross?

Answer 1

Being so young, I think mistakes find you.  but with Ben and Ross, I think you need to distance yourself for a while from Ross, at least until Ben comes home from my side of the pond (America).

If you truly feel love or feelings for Ben, you need to be honest about what his "friend" is doing while he is away.

I don't think that is being a very good friend to Ben by touching and moving in on his girl like Ross did.

It is unfair for Ross to put you in this situation.

Distance yourself from him.  That does not stop being friends, but at least until Ben comes home you need to be as spot-on faithful as you can.  I hope this helps and also know that time goes on, and boys come and go.  Just make wise choices and never lose who you are sweetie.

Answer 2

Ross here

While in a USA storm, I joined Y/A

Think I'll go out in da rain again

Or tell dis lot:-

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

LOL

Answer 3

you need to decide what you want. Ben OR Ross? to be honest, Ross sounds like all he wants is your body not you. you didn't say want Ben's personality is like. but i would say, Ben was your best bet.

Answer 4

I am not sure you snogged "by mistake"  even half asleep you knew what you were doing and with who.  I love to snog and when dating was very flirtatious.  You made a choice...do you regret it?

I never did and if I was with another fella I usually told my main guy and we talked about it.  I was not a s**t and only went all the way with the guy I planned to marry, and did marry.  I am now a one man woman and very happy.

You have a choice now...talk to Ben, figure out who you like if either, was it just a play to upset Ben made by Ross, do you want more between you and Ross, and above all be true to yourself and your heart.

I found the love of my life and ran away because the feelings I had were to strong...but after a time we found each other again and all is wonderful and still overwhelming at times.  Be true to yourself and pick the one that completes you.  May you be blessed!  

Answer 5

give ross a piece of your mind! just say "ross, whether you like it or not, i'm going out with ben. if you can't accept this, please stay away from" and walk away. be firm, but polite. and if i were you, tell ben the truth. say that ross was hitting on you. i'm sure he'll understand. good luck!

Answer 6

how are you, Yeah, sometimes you just have to go for it..

Take a look at http://www.OneRush.com to meet Adrenaline Enthusiasts and http://www.MeJab.com to vent your anger.

take care

Answer 7

Well it depends one who you like more. Did you like to kiss Ross more than you do Ben? Who do you like hanging out with more? You need to answer these questions yourself to figure out who you should choose.

But either way, you should tell Ben before he finds out from someone else. It's better for him to find out from you than from some stranger or someone he's not friends with.  

Answer 8

just tell ben that it was a mistake and you like him not ross and that you dont have feeling for this other guy but will probley happen the thing will never come up but if i were you i would go to ben first and tell him and tell him that you like him not ben

Answer 9

There will be loads of people read this and think 'good girl'  But you had a lucky escape.

Most lads think that if they put a girl under constant pressure and she eventually gives in its because she really likes him.  Whilst there will usually be some truth in that, the crunch point comes AFTER you 'wake up' out of the cosy 'dream'.  If you can stop like you did then you can avoid the biggest mistake.  Once it gets any more physical it gets a lot harder to stop, or go back.

Your friend is hoping to win you over.  But like most guys he now thinks he has, or will soon.  He will now probably try to get you alone constantly.  He might even be really crazy about you, but he might also see you as a trophy to be won from his former friend.  You can see now that everytime you let him closer he came even closer.  He's made it clear that his friendship is not honourable, so stay away from him.  Don't make it a big thing,  leave that for him to do.  My guess is he'll realise eventually that he can't have you and even if he tries to cause trouble remember actions speak louder than words.  

Just because you were content to have a friendly sleepy cuddle doesn't mean you want him to replace your bf. but it seems you do fancy both of them. Lots of girls even get raped in situations like that.  All they want is affection, but letting a guy too close gets things stirring in both of you.  

Thats why the Law in most countries won't allow a girl your age to have s*x.  You can't consent to something you don't really have control over. Even if you say yes & feel all growed up enough.

The big problem is most lads don't understand it any better.  Some will say 'No means Yes' unless you slap him on the face.  A guy who is normally descent and kind can still make a mistake and pile on the pressure when his own hormones start kicking in.  Oh boy do they kick in when a pretty girl is lying next to him.  Expecially when she accepts his advances even a little bit.

If he really tries to cause you trouble, see him with at least two good freinds and tell him he took advantage of you, and you never wanted that to happen.  Make it clear that No means No.

As for bf, well once the story is out he might be very angry, or very releived.  But he probably will see two sides to the story.  A lot depends on how mature both the boys are.

Good luck

Answer 10

Sounds like you're hunting for approval. Even though you can't really kiss a person by accident it was wrong of Ross to keep pestering you like that when you kept telling him not too.

You may not want to, but i think you should tell Ben yourself the whole story as soon as you can so that he doesn't need to hear it off someone else.

After that it's up to him what to do but as long as you make it clear that you're sorry (you can't put ALL the blame on Ross even though it would be easy to) he should do the right thing.

I'd also suggest that even though Ross may be a good friend, you stay away from him for a little bit and make a conscious effort to stop the flirting.  

Answer 11

Ross is a sucky friend, and Ben doesn't deserve that. What you did, was obviously wrong, and what-not, but here is the thing, you should do nothing. Because it was a mistake, and you feel guilty. You need to tell Ross to p**s off, and as for Ben, when he comes back, wait a while. If Ross really is an idiot, then he would tell Ben, but if he's smart he'd shut up. Don't date Ross, if he did that to Ben, who's to say he wouldn't cheat on you? So ignore Ross, he's an *** whipe, as for Ben, like I said wait a while, if the guilt is still eating at you, and you know for sure that Ross is a horrible person, tell Ben what happened. Because you don't want him to hear it from Ross's mouth. Of course I don't know who they are, but judging from what you said about Ross, he might slip up, maybe to get back at you, or to hurt Ben, who knows. That's why when Ben comes back, keep it mellow and AWAY from Ross. Ben is your boyfriend, you shouldn't even be flirting with Ross in the first place. Eventually you should try to tell Ben at one point, because he has the right to know that his friend is an a*****e. hope that helps.

Answer 12

This isn't your fault. Believe it or not, you've just been sexually harassed.

Ross didn't take 'no' for an answer. Even if you sort of didn't fight him, you didn't consent him.

So here's what you should do. Explain exactly what happened, as you just told us, and tell Ben. Tell him about the sleepover and rooming and then what happened. You didn't do anything, remember that. You have done NOTHING wrong.

Being honest with your boyfriend is your best bet. Any relationship without honesty isn't any sort of good relationship. You want to be close with Ben, right? Tell him. You did nothing wrong.

Answer 13

the guy who kissed you in your sleep done a thing which is called sexual assault, as he did it when you were week and you had previously said no. so just tell your boyfriend that your talking to him because he kissed you in your sleep. Your boyfriend will/should believe you.

He will especially believe you if you tell him straight away and before anyone else can say anything, say it to him as soon as you see him back from america, well at least when yous get some private time. i wouldn't talk to that other guy much, he took advantage of you and betrayed his friend if ross an ben re friends i cant remember.

Answer 14

dangggggg lol. uh ? just forget ross. and if he says anything to ben, tell him that you said no to him & the stuff you did to him by accident tell ben that and say sware to god. :]

Answer 15

Tell Ben when he gets back what Ross tried to do. If you're the 1st one to tell him it will be better than Ross telling him & trying to s***w things up for you. Be somewhat honest & say "look, Ross leaned in & kissed me...I didn't want to & I told him I loved you but he kept trying it on...but don't worry, I set him straight & ignored him the next morning"

Hopefully Ben will understand. If he doesn't then there's not much you can do, although he shouldn't really be mad at you because Ross came onto you & was really persistant! You could also talk to Ross & tell him that you're not interested, although you're flattered that he likes you. Tell him you're going to tell Ben what happened...although if you trust Ross enough you could both agree not to ever mention it again & not tell Ben, but only if you're 100% sure you can trust Ross not to say anything.

Hope all goes well!  

Answer 16

who does your heart want.  remember you can't flip flop between the two.  and dont tell your boyfriend until youve made your desicion, he'll be mad that it was with his ex best friend.  good luck sweetie.