Friend is mad at me PLEASE HELP!?

Question

*changed name

is this a good reason to be mad at someone:

*Hannah invited me and *Grace to her sister's grad party (friday) on monday and i say i can go but *Grace says she might not be able to/*Grace confirms she cant go (*Hannah isnt upset b/c she said she might not be able to) she is going to an amusement park (*Grace invites both me and *Hannah on thurs. but obv. *Hannah cant go b/c of the party. i was left to choose between the two and *Hannah says she understands if i want to go to the park even though i was invited to the park after i was invited to the party so i pick out of a hat and choose the park. *Hannah says it's fine and i tell her i will pay her back somehow and she said she will think of something

-the next morning *Grace calls and says i cant go to the amusement park with them anymore (there's a reason why and i understand) so i call back *Hannah and tell her i can come to the party now if she hasnt already invited someone else later on i hear she is mad at me.

Answer 1

She has a point, but I do the same thing, It is hard to choose, I just did that to a friend to go to the movies.  We just want to have fun!!

Answer 2

Of course "Hannah" is mad at you.  She was the first one to invite you to the party to begin with and you chose "Grace" over her.  And then when things didn't pan out exactly as you wanted you actually expected her to allow you come to the party.  In terms of etiquette you should have not even called "Hannah" back and said anything.  If she had found out through other circumstances and "re-invited" you it would have been different but for you to call in "re-invite" yourself after you "humiliated" her by choosing someone else over her if a very selfish and unkind thing to do.  You should call her and apologize and tell her that you were wrong for even asking her to even "think" about her letting you come to the party.  Let her be the one who makes the choices from them on.  Good luck!!!  Remember...you cannot have your cake and eat it too!!!

Peace & Love  :)

Answer 3

Well, first of all, Grace KNEW about the party, had ALREADY given her "MAYBE" and then made a choice to go to the AMUSEMENT PARK, and knowing you were also invited, didn't care enough to let that STOP HER from inviting you, knowing you had accepted.  Now Hannah has been a good sport, since Grace started from the beginning with she might not go, but you, you ACCEPTED, THEN declined when something MORE FUN came along, then when that didn't pan out, you wanted the invite to be extended YET AGAIN.  What if something else more fun came up at the last minute?  Would you jet out of your promise to come to the grad party?  Grace and you have both behaved poorly and in etiquette terms, are poor choices for an invite in the future.  Your friend, while expressing "I understand", doesn't mean it felt any better getting dumped the first time then the last.  Just because she was kind enough to keep her disappointment in Grace and you to herself, initially, doesn't mean she has to eat crow endlessly with the two of you.   I'd say, at the least, you owe Grace a sincere apology and if she is really your friend, and you hers, you will NEVER be silly enough or thoughtless enough to accept, decline then try and get re-invited EVER again to hers, or anyone else's party.  Once accepted, invitations are declined only for a death or illness.  Anything else is poor etiquette and bad manners.  Hope this helps you!  Good luck!  I hope the party is a BLEAST!

Answer 4

Hannah was upset from the start.  She was just being nice when you said you'd rather go to the amusement park.  Now that the amusement park plans fell through, you are using Hannah as your back-up plan.  Personally, I think you should have went to the party from the start.  Grad parties don't happen all that often.  (High school... college... grad school perhaps...)  You can go to the amusement park any day of the week for the rest of the summer.

Answer 5

I agree with what Jennifer said, but I do want to add something:  you asked "is this a good reason to be mad at someone?"  My answer to this is that it doesn't really matter if it is a good reason or not.  The fact is, your friend feels hurt.  As a friend, you should care more that she is hurt than if she has the "right" to be hurt.  Just apologize to her.  Tell her that you realize that since you already told her you would come, you should have stuck to your word, and that next time you will.  Also, gently tell her that since you two are friends, she shouldn't tell you something is okay with her when it isn't.  Tell her you want to always respect her feelings, but it isn't fair of her to expect you to read her mind.  

In addition, having a word with Grace is appropriate too.  She shouldn't have even invited you when she knew you had plans with Hannah, especially when it obviously wasn't certain that she would even be able to take you.

Answer 6

Wow, that's messed up.

Kind of sounds like the situation i was in a couple of days ago.

At first, I thought "hannah" was a good friend, you know, understanding that you might want to go to the park more, even though she invited you to her grad party first.

Hannah sounds like a jealous person, like she doesn't mean to be, but she truly is. If she is going to get mad at you over that, I say that you should just move on. You dont want someone like that in your life. A true friend would be completely understand and not get jealous of you going somewhere else.

Answer 7

Well, I think Hannah is angry, because she feels you were being wishy washy with your choices of where to go and now that Grace won't go to the park, it's like Hannah is the second choice. She may have SAID she didn't mind if you chose the park, but like most women, she didn't mean it. She wanted you to choose her initially and when you didn't, she became pissed, and has now been stewing....

I think it would be a waste of time trying to remind her of what she said, because she won't care. I say give her time...keep in contact though, but you need distance between this situation and her. Keep in mind, when you do become friends again, she will remind you every so often of what you 'did' to her. lol