Friends who seem to think that they can pop by whenever, since we're homeschooling...?

Question

My son attends a charter school where he goes to school 2 days a week and is homeschooled the other 3 days. He is very persistant, and needs to have a consistent daily routine, otherwise, we get nothing done. I love my friend, her hubby and her 2-year-old, but they'll call my husband in the early afternoon, he'll say "Come over," then they stay for HOURS. This messes with our bedtime routine, which causes problems in the morning.

The wife will say gently to her husband many times that they should really get going, but the guys are busy watching sports and just give her an "Uh-huh..." Many nights, they are here until 9pm (our normal bedtime routine starts with dinner at 5:30, then a short TV show, baths, etc. and the kids are asleep by 8:15 or so). They have a tiny place, so I understand why they want to come over 3 or 4 evenings each week. However, the husband does not seem to understand why we need to stick to our usual routine, even when we have guests.

Answer 1

I don't see the problem unless your kids are younger than 7 years old.

It is now being understood that 8 hours sleep is too much and it should be more like 7

9 pm + 8 hours = waking up at 5 am

I'm assuming you wake up at 4:15 am?

If your kids are sleeping more than 8 hours, you are introducing fatigue into their systems.

When someone is tired they sleep through anything, even a Abomb blast.

When they can't sleep it indiacates they are not tired.

Answer 2

um...it sounds like your problem is YOUR husband,.

not your friends husband. friends husband is there late by invite of your husband. you need to tell your husband that hes a jerk and that he knows the kids schedule and he needs to stick to it and stop acting like a childish brat by insisting on watching the game with his friend while you struggle with HIS kids to get them to bed.

your problem is your own family. stop outsourcing it. no one forced their way into your home. you invited them in, especially because youre expecting THEM to e able to read your mind, and obviously are asking yahoo strangers how to control your friends instead of being an adult and controlling your husband. What is he, a big kid you cant talk to?

hubby needs to have his visits limited, lay down the law to him.

Answer 3

went through the same problem with my sister in law you just have to be firm an loving and tell them look i have a schedule i have to keepp for the sake of my child  please adhere to it. my main problem with her was i'd invite her over for dinner giving a time of say 5:30pm and she wouldn't show up until 7:30 and bed time was at  8:00pm, and when you have a child, plus in my case a child with adhd you have to keep with the schedule and you can't have any interruptions in your schedule. but sometimes talking doesn't waork so i would tell her instead of dinner being at 5:30 would now be at 3:30pm

she still would not show up until 7:30pm with no reason at all no apology. she finally got the hint when one day i met her at ther door with a shopping bag of food with her dinner and told her good night "your nephew is in bed and no you can't go say goodnight" she was a little hurt ,but when i broke it down that it also hurt my feelings that she couldn't abide our house rules she understood. point is if they are trully your friends then if you have to be a little blunt  when the sugar coated hints doesn't work there shouldn't be any problems because as parents they should understand the difficulties with having children. Also too talk to your hubby and ask him before he invites his buddy over is willing to fight with your child in the morning when they don't want to get up, is he gonna do all of the entretaining running bsck and forth getting drinks and snacks, and does he want to sleep and the couch for not be considerate with your feelings with out asing.

Answer 4

Seeing as how homeschooling isn't REAL school no its not u have all day to do ur schooling and the same teacher every year!

Answer 5

3-4 times a week? Omg, I'd go nuts having people over that often. I can't imagine going over to someone's place that often--I'd feel so much like I was imposing!

You really, really, really have to talk to your husband about this more. Tell him the two of you need to come to some mutual agreement. Make it something very specific, like every Wednesday or once a week--non-negotiable. Even have him sign a contract. ;) "I will not invite so-and-so over each time he calls."

If you aren't doing this, I would also simply stick with the bedtime routine--keep dinner at the regular hour, do the baths, have the kids in bed as they should--and even offer the other mom to go through a routine with the toddler. I would do this ESPECIALLY if your husband can't seem to set some limits. If the other husband can't understand this, just say you've read a lot about how routines are very important to have healthy, happy children and some children, including your son, really need to not skip the routine or they get all out of sorts. "It might not seem important to you, but I'm the one who's got to live with the effects of it tomorrow! And the day after!"

Good luck with this!

Answer 6

I think mainly your issue needs to be with your husband... have you talked to him about not inviting them over so much or saying "no, sorry, we're not up for company today" if they ask?

I have had a couple of friends in the past that I got to a point of telling them, "you're not a 'guest' anymore, you're more like part of the family, and I need to go about my business," which usually is not taken as an insult. Then tell them just help themselves to coffee or watch tv or something because I'm going to take a shower, a nap, have to clean my bathroom, or just drag out our books on the table in front of them and start our homework-- I can't play full time hostess to people, they've gotten the message and would come over but just take care of themselves and don't expect to be served or entertained (unless I invite them for a dinner or for a party or something, then I'll treat them like 'guests' a little more).

Answer 7

It sounds like in order to get your friend's husband on board, you must first get YOUR husband on board. If you two are not united as a couple and set boundaries for company, your efforts will be un-successful.

Answer 8

You have to step up to them and tell who's boss. First you tell them firmly but gently that they need to leave. If they dont respond, get louder and even firmer. This should do it. You have to tell them to understand that you have a kids that need rest, and so do you. Tell them that they can come over on weekends. As for your husband, you know what to do.

Answer 9

Is the question what you should do? If so, I would have your hubby take the initiative and tell his friend that you have the routine and that he has to help out. Does your husband understand the issue? It sees you should start there. If he won't say anything, then nicely tell the wife you need to get back to work and you have to have the kids down by 8:15. Ask her to take her kids to another room away from yours when it is time for them to work. You sound like you are trying to hard to be kind.

Hope that helps.