Friendship was better before I got married...?

Question

My former best friend of 13 years and I had broken things off. Well, I broke things off with her because the relationship was one sided and I was being used.

We had a lot of fun together, as long as being serious wasn't part of the equation. We shared a lot and we talked about anything and everything. We took trips and went clubbing, etc.

Things between us got bad when I got married. I would go out with her on occasion....but she would only go out if I provided the transportation and gas money. (which was typical)

She was never there for me when I needed her. She never kept her promises, so I decided to break things off with her after several years. It was one of the hardest decision I had to make. She never even showed up at my wedding or helped me move when she said she would.

I am very independent and we are both in our 20's. I have been out on my own for 8 years, full time steady job, my own place and recently married.

She still lives with her father and bounces from job to job. She hasn't gotten her license or car because everyone carts her around for free. We live in the middle of nowhere and a car is a must. She seems like she is waiting for a man to marry her and take care of her.

Anyways, why do I keep thinking about her and our friendship when it really was one sided? Why do I feel upset that she never tried to contact me back or even attempt to sort things out?

Answer 1

You obviously cared  about her so it's natural you would miss her and some of the good times you had together. It's too bad she is so self centered maybe one day she will grow up and see her mistakes. In the meantime you will hopefully make some better friends that aren't like a one way street. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like you grew up and she didn't.

Sadly, it is not realistic to think that we will always be with the friends we had when we were teenagers.  I was in my mid twenties when I started drifting from my teen-years friends.  The amazing thing was that I started becoming friends with people I barely knew in high school.

I think your feelings are normal, and based on the friendship you once had that was great when you were at the same maturity level, but has unfortunately grown apart as you've outgrown her.

Answer 3

The answer seems clear to me, she is one of the sponge type, will suck up as much as she can from people, until they either remove themselves from her life, or she removes herself. The reason she never contacts you, is because as you said, it was one sided. She doesnt have the same goals or lifestyle that you do. With out a car, and still living with dear old dad, her life is completely different than yours, and she most likely doesnt care to compete with your husband for your time and attention.  You filled a need for each other for a time, as the old saying goes, People come into your life, for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. She was a season or a reason, not one of your lifetime people. You no longer fill any need for her, so she moved on with out a blink. Dont beat yourself up over it, or think you were a bad friend. I am much older, and several people I was close with at times in my life have moved on to other lives. People NEVER STOP GROWING until we die, and for one reason or another, we often grow in different directions away from people who we were close to at one time or another. Enjoy your new hubby, and life, single freinds rarely stick around long once we marry.

Answer 4

You know what...my ex wife was JUST LIKE HER. I was the giver and she was the taker. You should feel upset, but like me, you feel upset because the true friend (if you can call her that) in her showed up. You're upset because your suspicions about her were true. Some people care only as long as you do. When you stop showing you care (or giving) then they stop. Classic man, I'm telling you. I wouldn't take it personally though...from what you've explained, it sounds like she is irresponsible with no self esteem or confidence whatsoever. She was lucky to have you in her life...you were the example for her. Look at all you have done with your life and you have been friends for 13 years and she has managed to accomplish nothing? None of what you have done has inspired her to do better? She's a user...maybe she'll come around or maybe she'll be with daddy for the rest of her life using him.

Answer 5

It sounds like u are very reliant on her to have fun with. Learn how to have fun without her and your troubles will be over and you won't have the dead weight around.

Answer 6

you probably keep thinking about her because you loved her, or she was your first love, and she just isn't ready for a relationship.  she just wants to have high school type relationships. you should feel upset hat she never tried to contact you after such a long friendship. but ,maybe that's just how she is. she might not have felt the same way you did.  i hope i've helped:)

Answer 7

i know how you feel the same thing happened to me my best friend of 15 years was the same way. i Finley let her go it will be hard for a wile but you will make better friends. people grow apart and grow up and others stay the same childish people.  

Answer 8

You mite think of her because you wonder what would of, what could have. The reason she's like that is cause no one ever helped her stand on her on two feet. My brother was like that till he met a person who push him to make something out of himself. Now he's in New York and on his own. You can think that you could have done it for her. Thing is you still can. Be her friend but never give her anything help her see there won't be a knight in shining armor to give her everything she wants.