From a teens point of view how should i deal with with the concerns I'm having regarding my sisters friendship

Question

My little sister has befriended a girl suffering from anorexia. I know it sounds harsh, but i am having doubts about their friendship. In the past, my sister has, to say the least, suffered from issues concerning food. I am worried that her being friends with this girl is going to trigger those again. At 5'8 and barley more then 100 lbs, understandably, she can not afford to lose any weight. I have what i would describe as legit reasons for concern. They seem to be constantly in contact with one another. What is said between them is secretive. I have met this girl and her condition is clearly obvious. Another thing i am not particularly happy about is the way they behave when they are together. On the occasions that this girl has come round the house, they will dissapear upstairs together. As soon as i enter the room, they will go silent, which is unusually strange because my sister usually has no problem with me talking to and associating with her friends

Answer 1

thats really sad, I have had anorexia, mentally I am still there though my body is not anymore, it never leaves you, its something you need to be aware of and take responsibility for.

The best thing you can do for your sister, is just be there, if she needs to talk, if she needs support, maybe point out if your concerned or you feel that she is slipping, not in an accusational (sorry: spg!) way as anything like that would confirm what this other girl has been saying to her.

Being there for someone is actually far harder then it seems, its about not judgeing, not trying to sway anyones minds, not trying to force or stop anyone from doing things- even if its going to hurt them and you can see it comming, when someone makes up thier minds, it can actually make them want to do it more if you try to make them do anything- no matter how simplistic.

Try to take time with her, see if you can have just a day or evening or afternoon just the two of you, maybe make a schedual of it, like every friday night you do something together, if its arranged like that every week it may give her space to chat to you, and also ensures there is still some type of relationship there.

Ask her about her friend, what she thinks about her, is she worried about her friends anorexia? is she concerned about her own? does she worry?

I had to make the decision to want to get well myself, and ultimatly this is what your sister will need to do, if she is stopped or cant see it for what it is, it then will always be at the back of her mind, but if she is free to talk about it, there is still the risk she could become ill, but its less so then if there was a reason or something to rebel against- does that make sense? its not a clear way to stop her doing anything, but if she is free to make her own choices, she will be more likely to make responsibility for them.

Also, get some help for yourself, there are eating disorder support groups, if your in the UK, go to www.b-eat.co.uk and look up support there, there is also a message board there your sister may want to read through.

Goodluck, I hope it all turns out to be ok, but if its not, she will need you to hold her hand when she decideds she wants to change.

Answer 2

Tell your sister how you feel. Say you really care about her that you are just worried!

Answer 3

First of all,  can I just salute you for being an icon role model for other lads out there who have sisters but don't show the least bit of concern where they go, who they interact with, what they get up to etc - you sound like a lovely guy, and a superb brother at that.  So hats off to you my friend,  when you become a family man some day, you will make a great dad and your kids will be good as gold.

I read your question,  and sat here feeling nervous, twitchy and anxious.  Dude this sounds like something hollywood would use as a sad tragic donnie-darko meets means girls typo flick lol.

But I am not laughing, the lol merely to dilute the unnerving tension and anxiety built up in my mind having analyzed and looked at your situation at home.

How old did you say she was ? if shes in her pre-teens then you must step in and do something before things get bad.

Then again what if you are over reacting ? its hard to say. This girl has a serious health condition, which is psychological and manifests its results phyiscaly through her health.  When she comes round next time,  try to chat to her and your sister with your parents present - like if if theres a show on tv, make a comment about it so that you're trying to get an opinion from them both,  draw their attention.

Get into their minds basically.  I undrestand your concerns for your sisters welfare,  but your parents can't sit there idly and pretend nothing is wrong.

The secrecy and the odd behaviour of your sister when this girl is around is cause for concern and I would certainly do more than seek answers on yahoo! to find out what to do.

my cat is dying to go outside so im going to let it out.  all the best, i hope both those girls aren't up to any mischief for their own sakes.

all the best

t-d-w

Answer 4

How bout u take tha 2 of them out sumwhr. Sum place fun maybe like tha movies or sumthan. Show tha gurl u arent against her and that u want her 2 b a part of u and ur sisters relationship. Ur sis may even b a good influence

Answer 5

While your concern is admirable your taking the parental role is not appropriate. This is your parents call.

Try not banning the girl from your home but suggest to your parents that it is best if the girls do not close themselves in the bedroom. They can hang out in a rec room, kitchen or somewhere else in plain site only. In case they are enabling destructive behavior in each other but even if they are not. Your parents are responsible or supervision for any minor in their home.

The cutting you out thing is normal teenage behavior and would happen if anorexia was not part of the picture.

Answer 6

Have a serious chat with your sister and explain your concerns, it might be embarrassing but it's best to get it out in the open. Just tell her the truth about how you feel! I don't know about other teenage girls but I prefer it when people come clean about how they feel rather than investigate and come to the wrong conclusion.

When you're having the chat with her, say that you don't mind their friendship, as long as you're sure she's safe. She doesn't want you to tell her who she can be friends with, but she'd probably be happy to have a brother looking out for and protecting her.

Try to get to know the girl with anorexia, she's obviously insecure if she goes to such extreme methods of making herself "perfect". Ask your sister if she wants to go to the cinema with you and the friend, or something else they enjoy. Just try to make both girls feel at ease.

Answer 7

I think that is does warrent some concern. I'm 14 5' 5'' and about 105lbs. Now I have a good friend who I have know since I was 2 years old and he is now 15 and everytime I'm with him if I say I'm hungry or not he is always asking if I want something to eat. He is very concerned as much as I tell him I'm not the more food he gives me. He is an only child and will tell me, "My parents only have me so they don't mind feeding you also." And I just laugh. I suggest that you just watch her and see if she looks thinner. If she does and refuses to eat you can get a weight gain bar and tell her it is low fat!

Answer 8

It seems as though you are right to be concerned, but at the same time your sister and her friend could just be secretive because they are talking about boys/boyfriends etc...

If there is a real problem related to food, confronting your sister about her behaviour and her friend could be a mistake as she may deny everything and become more secretive or become better at hiding the situation. She may also start to trust you less.

Perhaps you could try spending more time with your sister on a regular basis - e.g. girly days out, visits to museums, play tennis, start a new hobby, course, or activity together. (You could say that you want her to join you as you don't want to do it alone - perhaps get her to suggest an activity you could do together). This might take her mind off her friend and any food issues and bring you closer together, so eventually she may open up to you more about any problems she or her friend may be having.

You should definitely keep an eye on the friendship and if your sister refuses to spend more time with you in this way it may be worth having a word with the girl's parents or any siblings she may have as she may need professional help.