From among my poems, a homey one, your comments?

Question

The Cast Iron Skillet

The old iron skillet

Has seen many meals

And the older it gets

The better it feels

In over a century

It has often grown crust

After some washings

Shown occasional rust

But brought back to use

Being patiently seasoned

Has withstood abuse

Its surface well blackened

Polished smooth and non-sticking

By alternate cooking

Cleansing with salt

Used hot for cold meat

Simmered beans

on low constant heat

Used for deep frying

Then for baking cornbread

Without even trying

to a smooth polish lead

Marriage s a cast iron pan

Well seasoned in constant use

It improves with age

Relation of woman and man

With good use and correction

Lasts generation to generation

A little bit of salt,

a bit of sugar and butter

Gives meaning to life

and keeps folks together.

© February 10, 2008, Albert K. jungers. All Rights Reaerved

Answer 1

I thought the first part was excellent, but then you go into a completely different direction.  The change was too abrupt for me, you need to smooth it out.  Overall it is good, though.  You should submit it at http://www.coldcoldalw.com

Answer 2

I like it.

How is this poem that i wrote (I was sad at the time):

SHATTERED DREAMS

The full moon shines like a searchlight,

searching searching for her sunshine.

The stars gleam and shimmer

like ancient shards of dreams and peace

fractured by the cruel world of humanity.

A siren sounds in the distance,

the sound of glass shattering pierced my ears,

the unavoidable truth melting my heart and soul

and burning like cold iron.

The world spins,

Pandora's box opens,

and a tear runs down my cheek.

Answer 3

has a good texture to it (lots of imagry, especially gustatory), but the rhyme seems forced, and it distracts the flow of the poem. Try more natural lines, they don't have to rhyme.

Answer 4

its well written but it is too long and kinda just slapped together keep it short i even noticed u can make it two pems

Answer 5

what

Answer 6

Its a vauge comparison between a skillet and a marriage. It speaks to discreatly about the skillet leaving the reader no imagination. Vocab is rather lacking as well.  Check out Fairchild.

Answer 7

That was great. Your words can describe a scene so well, and the imagery was beautiful. I'm lucky to have found a poem like this!

From the first few sentences, readers can tell that you have very deep thinking and in a way, your poem can relate to everbody's lives which is what makes it so special.

My only advice is to tell you to relax a little. From your words, it seems as if you had tried too hard. I think you should just let the flow of your poem lead you.

Awesome job! Loved your poem. =D

Answer 8

Nothin' sez lovin' like cornbread in the oven!