From the time you got info (address & phone #) of your Bio family, how long did you wait to contact them?

Question

i have the info, & have had it for about 2 weeks, i have drafted the letter, but cant quite drop it in the mail box...

Answer 1

If you're worried about the letter and what to say, just put your phone number and your information on a card and let them contact you. Just do it. I wouldn't wait another second.

Answer 2

i called the same night i got the info. at least for my birthmother. my bfather, well we searched, backed off, then searched again. i think i had the right number once, i waited months. then it came up missing-back to square one.

my bmother (lori) actually called my bfather. she joined classmates.com and contacted friends that still had contact with him. if i know her, she called within minutes of getting the info.

Answer 3

I love Heather's advice.  I used the genealogy scenario when contacting my sister for the first time.  I contacted her as soon as I had her information.  

With my father, I had no phone number, just an address.  My husband said that we should drive up and see him.  So, we did.  It was awesome.  It was a big, big risk, but it worked out perfectly.

Anyway, it can be scary, but knowing is always better than not knowing, ultimately.  

Have you taken one last look at the letter?  That way you can be sure it says what you want it to say before you make the last step.

Answer 4

I found my son shortly before the Virginia Tech massacre and chose to wait a couple months after that.  Glad I did, the timing was just bad.  Good luck!

Answer 5

Yeah - I waited awhile.

You'll know when the time is right.

Grab all the support you can get behind you - it's a roller-coaster ride this search and reunion stuff.

Also - make sure you send it registered - so that the receiver (the one you want to get the letter - not any random person) - signs for it - and then that receipt is sent back to you.

Then you will know it's been received.

The waiting for a response is hard - but at least if you have word that it's been received is helpful.

You must have a million things running through your head - and probably over-thinking absolutely everything!!!

You are NOT alone.

If you feel the need - please just email me through my profile here - or come and visit the BEST adoptee forum on the web -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

You'll find the best support from others that have gone through this same journey.

My fingers are crossed for you - and I'm hoping for the best.

Answer 6

I sometimes wonder if I should answer some of these questions because I am a birthmom and not an adoptee, but I found my birthdaughter on May 6th 2001. I sent a letter to what I thought was her address and it ended up being her aparents, they were not happy, but called her and read her my letter over the phone. In the letter, I gave my name, address, phone number and email. We went on vacation out of state for 3 weeks and we had been home a day and even before the phone rang, I knew it was her. She sounds just like me. It wasn't until July 28th that we set up a meeting, part way between our towns. She and her mom came and we had lunch. It was very awkward for us all. Her mom was mad that we had found them as she was told that could never happen. Surprise! We did exchange a lot of letters before the meeting. We brought a lot of pictures of us when we were young, but her mom said she didn't have any pics of her daughter when she was young. Eventually she found some. Even now after 7 years her mom wants nothing to do with us and doesn't want to hear about us either. We respect her wishes. When I sent the first letter, I included some info and left out some info that I thought only we would know. Like the name of the hospital.

Send the letter, but be prepared, you just never know how things will end up. She said she never would have looked for us because she felt we thought giving her up was in her best interest.

We don't have a mother daughter relationship, but we do have a friendship. It's worked out pretty good and we are both happy I found her.

Answer 7

Awesome advice from Heather!

I waited a month before I sent the letter. After searching for so long, it took a while for it to really sink in. Also just finally knowing who I was - that was a huge thing for me. So it was just about 4 weeks afterwards that I felt I could mail my letter.

You'll know when the time is right. Good luck!

Answer 8

Less than 5 minutes for me to call my mom after 21years.

One of the first things she said to me was that she knew i'd call her that week.

ETA i was talking to my dad that same day too - he also thought i was a telemarketer

Answer 9

Heather's advice is great, but I didn't follow it.  This was before the Internet, and all I had was her name.  I would have had to call information in every area code in the country (hard to imagine nowadays).

I called her brother.  I was worried that it was her father (they have the same name) so we had a cat & mouse chat for a bit, until I realized he was not moving.  I thought this man sounded too young to be her father, I then said, "I think I'm her daughter".  He sort of made a small gasp, and said, "I'm so glad you called!"

I wish it worked out that well for everyone.  Good luck!

Answer 10

I'm not really qualified to answer this question because I'm still in the dark about my family; I just wanted to give some moral support

Let us know when you've done it, fingers crossed for a positive outcome!

Script for Making the phone call - take a deep breath!

The idea is to find the person, you wanted to talk to.

Do NOT reveal anything, to a third party.

Its between you and the (birthparent) party you want to reach.

It is not good to talk to

a third party and have them break the news ever.

1) if this is a relative of the person you are trying to call,

Hello, my name is xxxxxxxx., I am working on genealogy on

the name of xxxxxxxx.

Do you know xxxxxx, of xxxxx(city, st.) age(xx) ?

pause......... and see what they say.

If they say they don't know that person, say thank you,

and that is it. No explanations ever.

If they say, oh yes that is my sister in law, what is this all

about, "I would like to speak with them."

Or you could say " she is a friend of my mothers, and I was

having a party and I wanted to invite her.

See if they then give you the phone number. If not,

just say " oh would you please give her my number, to call me.

They might reveal her married name, so be prepared to write down

anything they say. they might reveal where she lives,

Oh she doesnt' live here she moved to xxxxxxxx, back in xxxx.

So you might be able to track the person that way.

**************************************...

********

If you think you have the phone number of the person ,

ie b/parent you are trying to reach,

1) Hi, my name is xxxxxx, I was looking for xxxxxxx?

(if its not xxxxx), then do not say what this is about.

Just indicate you wish to speak to xxxx.

If it turns out to be the person you think you were

trying to call, then ask certain questions,

Is this a good time to talk?,

Is this xxxxxx, of city, state, born in Month, day, 19xx,

if they say yes, then ask them, (if it differs from where you were

born, )

Did you live in xxxxxx, (city, st.) 19xx.?

pause and see what they say,.......................

If they say yes, (by now they might say" what is this all about"

Say " I think we maybe related.

Does xx/xx/xx mean anything to you?

Give them a chance to process what you are asking them,..... pause

a little after the questions, so they can speak if they want to

share information. Always take notes.

Write this script down, write down what exactly the questions are,

in the right order.

As they say yes, to more identifying info, you can

be more sure you have the right person.

Practice the script so it

flows a bit, and then make the call.

Remember to write a script, Practice it, and makes sure it flows

okay.

You can always fine tune it, to work for who you need to call.

Answer 11

As soon as I had the info, I wanted to call but the agency had arranged for us to call each other the next day to ensure that we wouldn't miss each other's call.  I was so excited that it was all I could think about for 24 hours!!!!  There is no other feeling like it in the world!!!

I just say that you need to take your own pace and do it when you feel ready in your heart.  This is a very delicate journey that will take alot of prayer, patience and understanding on everyone's part that is involved.  Get support from your family and friends.  It helps.  I wish you the best!  (This questions gives me flash backs of my first conversation with my birth mother  :-)  Congratulations girl!!!

Answer 12

I think that I would call, don't you want to hear their reaction? If you send a letter you won't get to know their reaction. Good Luck!!

Answer 13

About 2 minutes.  I found her on a registry.  She was looking for me.  I called her. And what a conversation that was.  At first, she thought I was a telemarketer and she yelled at me.  

"Is this important?!  I'm busy!!"

She changed her tune when she realized who I was.

Answer 14

Good Luck! Wish you all the best.