Frustrated and have no idea where to go with it.?

Question

My mom is terminally ill and is now home under hospice and home health care with nurses stopping by for vists. She is getting stronger and is able to walk without the walker now but needs help with meds and changing her colostomy bag and maybe with cooking and bathing. I have a 3.4 & 10 yr old children to tend to cook for wash clothes for and make appts for... but my two sisters dont have children that are small. Each sister has a child who is grown in their late 20's. They do not have resonsibilities that I do. I have been there EVERYDAY fom the time mom went in th hospital I always spent the night with her.. I have been at moms house every evening as my time allows and my sisters both stay with mom to help take care of her . They spend the night I CANT. I have kids that go to school, need baths in the evening,have to be cooked meals and clothes washed you know all the responsibilities that come with kids. My sisters expect me to put my children on the backburner so they can hang out at the mall and get pedicures and what not. I have pulled out of my college classes to help out everyday over there for 5 hours a day running off of average 3 hours sleep a night. But that is not good enough. They dont trust nurses. I have offered friends that are willing to help come over to help out but all other sugestions are rejected. Mom being sick doesnt feel like having the 3 & 4 r old running around while I give her snge baths and chang her colostomy.. trying to keep the kids from peeking in the room and keeing an eye on them at the same time is next to impossible. Sisters dont care.

Today, I got a call from my son saying he needed picked up from school at 2:30pm... so I hurry up get the girls ready and go pick him up. Earlier about 11:00 am I had to go to my college and do a photoshute for the scholarship that I was awarded for. Even though I pulled out of school, my scholarship still stands and in order to keep it, I had to go to keep it for the SPRING semester.

3:10 pm I had to call the pediatritions office to make an appt for my 4 yr old for a physical for her school next week. THEY SCHEDULED ME FOR TOMORROW at 3:00pm. I also called the health Dept to schedule an appt for their immunizations we do them there because its 10.00 a vaccination as to 135.00 a vaccination at the pediatritions office. Both girls wil be getting 4 shots a piece.. so if you add that up now ya see why I am getting it done at the health dept.

At 4:00pm I had an appointment to meet with the director of the preschool to get my 4 yr old daughter into a spot for preschool which starts NEXT WEEK. Still following me ?.... There is a reason why I am explaining this to ya.. but youll see in a sec........ OK I was with the director for about 45 minutes doing ... I get home, its about 5pm ish NOW the kids are hungry,... I have to fix dinner keep in mind I am still severely sleep deprived from not geting ANY sleep from the night before.. yep.. literally. I am having dizzy spells as I cook dinner... after dinner my husband sugests that I lay down and take a nap until he has to go to bed which is 11pm. SO I graciously accepted and took a nap. I sooo needed that.

Before my busy afternoon started, I text my sister via computer to let her know that my day was completely full and I would not be able to make it over this evening. I also asked her if mom was awake ( I dont want to ring her phone if she is sleeping to wake her.) so that I could call her and talk to her to see how she was feeling.. Patt never gave me an answer back as to if mom was awake or anything letting me know she received the message. I waited for a message as long as I possibly could before I had to leave for the preschool visit yesterday evening.

I just woke up about 10:30 and hubby went to bed and I checked for messages on the phone and online. Patt, my sister left me a message online. This is exactly what she wrote. It is copied and pasted.

" An advanced notice wud be nice. Mom is up. U know I just don't think u are aware of the responsibility and effort it takes to run this house. You don't even care that mom is sick and I sont care what responsibilities you have, we have responsibilities ads well. I have to fly back this weekend to Portland and Karen & the nurse cant do it alone. someone needs to be here at all times and kids or no kids whatever you have going on that you are probly lying about anyway as an excuse to not be here. No nurse is good enough to care for mom the way we can. You dont even beging to realize that THIS is more important than WHATEVER you have going on. So chew on that and think about your priorities and what comes fisrt. Get it together Val, and do it quickly.

OK ... I have steam comming from my ears. But For mom I must keep calm. My sisters do NOT have children the one she has is 28 yrs old. she no longer has responsibilities with him. He tales care of himself... I mean for God's sake what do she want me to d

Answer 1

Your sister's are taking advantage of you. They care more about what they are doing then anything else. I have the same thing, but my Dad 80 lives with me. And any time I have asked for help maybe with the cost of his med etc they were to bust to help. I would sit your sister;s down and tell them hay I have been helping but with my kids and my responsibilities  I am only getting 3 hours of sleep a night. You two need to do more. Write up a schedule that divides the work load.

Answer 2

go with what you think is right.

your sister is a bytch

Answer 3

i see why your frustrated you really need to have a good talk with your sisters and tell them exactly what you said on here dont get your mum invoveld it will make it worse but be careful your sisters could be saying something to your mum about y your not there just relax your doing everything you can.. you do care but you also have a family to care about and i dont see why they dont rust the nurses the nurses are there to stop this conficlt from happing just sit down and have a long hard chat.. hope i helpd!! xx good luck

Answer 4

did you write all this.

do what your mother wants you to do.its that simple.tomorrow you will  have childrens too.its a give and take life.

Answer 5

first off I'm sorry you are going through so much, and I'll be sure to keep your mother in my prayers.

Secondly, it's good that you kept your cool for your mom's sake, you should however, talk to your sister...and let her know the days and time you will be able to make it (set a limit) I don't even think you should explain yourself that way it'll seem like you feel like you're doing something wrong, just sit her down...let her know you can come certain days a week at a certain time, and if she's not able to accomodate to that then you'd be happy to hire a nurse, and if she feels a nurse isn't good enough then she can spend all her days with your mother.

Feel better, and remember; when it rains, it pours. Keep your head up high and the storm will pass :)

good luck!

Answer 6

Your sisters don't want to have to PAY for nurses, you mean. Why would they? They have you.

Find some excuse so that you can't do it for, say, about a week. Or just dig in your heels and say my children need me, you don't have kids, you help Mum. Get shirty with these b*****s! They have no clue .... you can't put kids on a backburner like that.

Once they realise they have to actually do something for your mother, they will change their tunes about the nurse. Nurses are there to care for people, they also have to be paid.  

Answer 7

   wow..you are carrying a heavy load. seek a grief counselor- i know- everyone says to, but really..it helped me a lot when c**p got to heavy to deal with. sometimes they do come up with stuff that can really help. and it 's an opinion that isn't related to you and can give you a better "view" of what you seek.