Frustrated?

Question

I've posted a lot today - sorry! Like I said in my other posts, I'm doing more research in preparation to start the adoption process probably within the next year or so.

I don't know if it's like this in the US, but in Canada I'm starting to see that adoptive moms and biological moms are treated differently in terms of paid maternity leave. Moms who give birth get 52 weeks of paid (by Employment Insurance) maternity leave, while adoptive moms only get 35 weeks.

I know you get a lot less mat leave in the US than we get. I'm not complaining about that because I know we're lucky here! But I'm frustrated that just because I'm adopting and not giving birth, I get 17 weeks less. It doesn't (normally) take 17 weeks to recoup from child birth!

I want to complain to... *someone* about this. How do I start to fight for equal rights? Should I write to my MP, or find a group or..? Does anyone have any experience in this area? Anyway, I'm just venting, but it's not fair. Thank you!

Answer 1

Wow....my company is giving me 10 weeks paid leave when I adopt dd next month. I explained to them it was not unnecessary because this was a formality.....we have raised her for seven years. My boss insisted. So it will be nice having so many weekends off!

The outrage here should be why American mother's are not getting the same maternity leave as their Canadian and European counterparts.

Answer 2

I'd really like to get a $10,000 tax credit back on everything I spent on my daughters for the first part of their lives.

Answer 3

But at the same time it is fair.... i understand that there are fertility issues... because i have them also.... but the woman has to grow for nine months... puts ALOT of strain on her body in more ways than one...you won't have complications and possible death by adopting.... why not sit back and just be thankful?? why does everyone want to start these big uproars on not having equal rights??? when there is no comparison between pushing a watermelon from a tiny hole and adoption... I think you should worry more about finding the perfect child and adopting him/her and raiseing them in a wonderful environment.... noone says you can't try to take more time off it just wouldn't be labeled under maternity leave.... go to work part time until you feel your family is ready for you to go back full time... there are other ways of making it work.... you just have to find them...

Answer 4

Well Thats Outrageous

Absolutely Outrageous

I mean gosh we get 12 weeks PAID maternity leave here, I'm not really sure whether thats for giving birth or adopting but anyway 12 weeks is what those poor working mums get

I on the other hand have given birth Twice VAGINALLY and had the pure luxury of staying at home, yup and my husband supports another family 3grand a month, so you can imagine how well off we are, well actually we are not, because it all goes to that ex witch of his, but still we are better than lots, prbably I'd say based on your *venting* although I think I would call it something else ? anyway I would say you probably would feel entitled to be in my shoes ? right ?

Well with my first baby I had a business online that just grew and grew and grew, so I couldnt stop working but no one gave me even 12 weeks off, or any help to run it...but I couldnt abandon this up and coming flourishing little venture of mine

And then a few years later I had my 2cnd baby, well goodness me and let me tell you being pregnant at 40 is d**n hard work, of course I dont look 40 though more like a early 30's kinda gal, but anyway I guess you probably feel entitled to that as well ? But anyways I had a somewhat difficult PG and issues after , and I was lucky because my husband took 5 weeks off, BUT THEN gosh it was so dam hard because I had issues from the pg, a baby with reflux and a business, well I had to shut my business down...

I must say just dedicating myself completely to my babies is just heaven....

But geeze it sure would have been nice to have had 52 weeks h**l even 35 weeks paid leave

Gosh I really do hear your pain, and I feel so very sorry for you, not only do you have the indignity of being infertile but you also have to bare the shame of only being allowed 35 weeks because you couldnt give birth

Tsk Tsk Send me your countries Rulers details and I will send a letter of complaint herewith

Answer 5

The difference in the amount of EI weeks is most likely due to a number of things. Partly because adopting doesn't require any lost work time prior to the birth and partly because there can not be any medical complications for the mother after the birth. I am sure there are other reasons but it is after midnight and I just got my own babe to bed. *yawn*

EI is generalized. With my last pregnancy I was written off as unable to work at 13 weeks. I was given the max allowable time off for medical, that ended when I was 27 weeks meaning I had another 5 weeks before I could receive maternity leave benefits. You can't take your mat leave before you are 32 weeks. My daughter was a week over due so that cut 9 weeks off my "year at home", it also left me with 5 weeks with NO income before her birth. This forced me to seek out welfare funding for those 5 weeks. Fair? Nope. Fact of life while receiving government funding? Yuppers.

Be thankful you are in Canada... I don't see any American's cashing their $100 Harper pay off checks today (otherwise known as the universal child care benefit).

Answer 6

I would give anything for 35 weeks of leave. In the States we get a big whopping 12 weeks UNPAID leave.

But I understand your point because we get the same amount of time if we adopt or actually give birth.

Answer 7

You have NO idea how exhausting a pregnancy, childbirth, and the aftermath are.  

Will you bleed for 6 weeks after adopting? Will you be so bloated that you can't wear your wedding band or a proper pair of shoes?  Will you have b*****s as large as melons (and hard as rocks that drip all the time) attached to your chest?  Will you have hemorrhoids so painful that you can't, well you know.  Will you be taking a sitz bath 3X a day to recover from your episotomy from the adoption?

Women who have cesareans get the same as women who give birth vaginally--that's not fair either.

Answer 8

So you think giving birth is so easy, huh.  I say don't judge something you have no experience with and be grateful for what you get without having to do any of the hard work of carrying and giving birth and the hormonal aftermath

Answer 9

Hmmmmm... bummer. I can remember after I got pregnant with my daughter, I got fired because I let everyone know that my boss "F*^%$" me while I was passed out. I have a sleep disorder and have to take major tranqs to go to sleep. Then when I went to school, where I had received a special grant / scholarship, I was in a freak accident and broke my leg and loss the use of both arms. I had to leave school. Then after she was born (c - section) I went to stay in a hotel all by myself for a week. No help. That same week I went on a job interview, looking really bad. In 6 weeks, I had a c-section, relinquished my daughter, surgery on each arm, and found a job. I couldn't believe they hired me, but I do have determination and they gave me a couple of weeks to let my arms heal.

With my son, I communted to my job an hour and a half away, right up to the night I went into labor. No help with that one either. Got home on a Friday, and Saturday I had to go on with business as usual.

Best wishes. Sorry about your bad luck. Sometimes you just have to be thankful for what you have.

"Lauren's" first mom

Sam's mom

Answer 10

I feel your frustration.  I was in a similar situation in the US when we adopted.  My company (due to the state laws) offered birth mothers 10 weeks PAID maternity leave (because it was disability) and then they were allowed to take an additional 12 weeks of unpaid leave under the state's family leave law to care for their new child.  Since I was adopting, I was only entitled to my 12 weeks of UNPAID leave - and I was required to use up all of my vacation time first (something bio moms were not required to do).  I tried fighting the issue since infertility is considered a disability, but trying to fight the battle while becoming a new mom of a child with special medical needs, was impossible.  Fortunately, my boss worked with me and allowed me to work part-time on my family leave so that I could stretch out my time longer.  

Good luck to you.  I wish I had better answers for you but unfortunately, there aren't many out there.

Answer 11

i guess you can't have it all, can you?

Answer 12

I'm infertile, so I've never had a child vaginally, by c-section, or any other means.  I've never adopted, either.

But, Honey, as an adopted citizen, I know all about unequal treatment under the law.

Answer 13

Actually here is how it is broken down in Canada:

Biological mothers are given 17 weeks maternity time, which is time for them to heal from well giving birth and that extra little bonding time.

Then mothers, bio fathers, or anyone adopting get 35 weeks parental leave.  So then a bio mother if she took the whole thing gets 52 weeks but really the first 17 are completely differnent reason.

I am also adopting and do not see this as a discrepancy and don' t see this as an equal rights issue. Everyone is entitled to the same 35 weeks parental leave, and bio mothers have a different entitlement for giving birth.

I would not suggest, out of all the issues in adoption that this be the one that is the one to complain about.   Email if you need more information.

Thanks,

jenn

Answer 14

On a side note, my wife is pretty upset that, simply because she doesn't have children, she doesn't have access to extra benefits that mothers have access to.

Answer 15

Oh how rich. A privileged adopter complaining about life being unfair.

As adoptees are so often told, you need to get over it.

Answer 16

My personal opinion?  Those two numbers should be SWITCHED!  AP's should have MORE time to bond with their child(ren) before returning to work, if they even DECIDE to go back to work (which isn't neccessarily always the best move for a *possibly/probably* grieving child who just lost their mother/father/primary caregiver).

Just my two cents.

Answer 17

Wow!  Canadians must be genetically inferior.  I am in the US.  I went back to work 6 weeks after the birth of both of my children.  My daughter went back to work 3 weeks after the birth of her child.

Bonding?  No problems.  Maybe you all try too hard.

ETA - Hey, Gershom!  I feel that I am entitled to that $10K tax credit too!  I am tired of being discriminated against because I had two vaginal births.  Who do I complain to??