Funeral ettiquette question?

Question

Tonight is the service for Lamar. We're pretty sure he didn't have life insurance so we would like to make a cash gift to help with expenses. Is it tacky to put cash in a sympathy card? I'd like to write a check but I know his mom is re-married and I'm not sure what name she's using. I don't want to bother her with what seems such an unimportant question. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I do not think this makes any difference, what so ever.

Have given and received either way.

Answer 2

I'm sure the sentiment and the donation will both be much appreciated. I'm certain that the last thing on her mind will be how "tacky" something is.

Answer 3

I don't think it is tacky at all. We did the same thing when may Grandma passed 2 years ago. All the grand kids put money in a card and gave the money to my mother she was handling the arrangements. It saved about $1000 on the funeral expenses.

Answer 4

It's fine to put cash in.

Answer 5

I do not think it is tacky, and I am sure that all the help they get would be appreciated.  I would use cash, and skip the personal check/money order...

Answer 6

why not send flowers to his mother at home and put in a little purse with a cheque marked "towards your need."

Answer 7

What about getting a money order?

Answer 8

I would contact the funeral home or church where the service is being conducted and find out her full name. When you say expenses - if you are referring to funeral expenses, the family may have already started a fund at a bank and they often list this information in the obituary.

Answer 9

hey buddy!

If he didnt have life insurance and they dont have a spare $5,000 dollars or so rolling around in there pocket they'll appreciate anything and everything that people give them. M cousin died without insurance and his family dont have that much money. The only way they could afford the funeral was with the donations of the people around them subsidizing the bill!

The grieving family aren't going to be thinking of it as charity or rude or anything, they will just see that you were trying to help and that you care!

How did you know Lemar?

Hope you werent too close to him, dont want you getting upset!

Answer 10

Cash works well.Thanks for caring...

Answer 11

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.  If he were laid out at a funeral home, there would be envelopes for that.  

As far as actual good manners go, sympathy cards are out (though I admit I use them, if I didn't know the person who died).  You are supposed to write a brief note, for example --

Dear Lydia,

I was so sorry to hear about George.  I will always remember the jokes he loved to tell.  Our thoughts are with you at this very hard time.

Sincerely,

Charlotte

However, a sympathy card is certainly better than not getting around to writing at all, and many people find them a comfort.

Sure, put some money in it. (My father was cremated, had no viewing, and it still cost over $5,000.  Argh.)

Answer 12

Not tacky at all.

I just recently buried a friend & was resposible for the bill & I received donations in a sympathy cards.

Sorry to hear Lamar has passed.

Answer 13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzhiKpmqv...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijk7y06SO...

Hope this helps...I know someone that had family that tried to collect on a large 6 figure policy within a week of signing the names of beneficiaries...so afterwards he didn't keep one listed to them.

It's a shame that sometimes that's all some people have at times like these. My friend made other preparations as a result.

Live your own life

Answer 14

It is quite common to put cash in a sympathy card.

Answer 15

Memorial contributions can be made in the name of the deceased at any time. In a nice sympathy card, write a personal note of comfort, then write a line asking the family to 'please accept this memorial contribution in Lamar's name, please use this for anything you and your family need at this time.' (The implied message here is that it be used for expenses related to the funeral, without coming right out and saying so.)  Sign off with your affection or best wishes, and it's done. It is kind of you to want to help out.