Funeral visitation etiquette?

Question

We are going to a relatives funeral, we will be going to the visitations as well as the funeral the day of. My question is, we have a toddler child and I am not sure what is proper, do we bring our child with us, or find a sitter for that day. I don't think its proper to have young children there, as they are a bit more aware of what is going on and those that dont could run around and be loud, not a very nice thing, but a child who is under 2? I think its off but I have been to funerals where there was infants and toddlers there and they arent immediate family. What is your views or opinions on this matter. Bring the children or leave them home

Answer 1

If the child is a calm . Sometimes it's it reminds people about youth and life.

GOD BLESS

Answer 2

I don't have a problem with taking a child of any age to a funeral OR a wake, but the poor thing is going to be very bored if you take him to both.  It's hard for a little guy to be still and confined that long.

Answer 3

First of all, my condolences to you and your family.  

If your child can sit for long periods of time and understands what a funeral is then I suppose it would be ok.  I would make sure you sit close to a door so you can exit with the child in a hurry if he/she gets fidgety (which all kids do).  I would also make sure to have a talk with the child so that they're not freaked out by the sight of a deceased body.  He/she may think the person is only sleeping.  

I'm sure there are children's books out there than you can get to read to your children about this subject.  I seem to remember the other teacher I work with telling me about them and how useful they were for her.  Good luck with it.  I know eventually we all have to learn about death and dying.  The debate about how early a person can learn about that goes on I suppose.

Answer 4

Leave the very young ones....but sometimes at a funeral young children are a nice distraction from what's going on...Hhhmmmm....tuff call.

Answer 5

If you have to go to a funeral it would be best to leave  the child with a sitter or with  relatives .Funeral are not a place to bring young children to .

Answer 6

LEAVE THE CHILD AT HOME!

Answer 7

I think the visitation is okay to bring a young child to if you don't keep him/her there for too long...and if they start to get cranky or fussy just leave...the death of a person usually comes up unexpectedly so it is understandable that you may not have time to find a sitter...if you would like to spend a little more time there visiting with people, it may be wise to find a babysitter...but, like you say it is different if you are close family or whatever the relationship to the deceased person is as well...it is a tough decision.

As far as the funeral...it is kind of up to you...if your child is generally pretty quiet, contempt, and can sit happily with a few quiet toys - I think you can bring the child...if your child is a little more tempermental and outgoing (like a lot of little boys especially), you may want to find a sitter or at least sit close to the back...

I have a cousin who (at the time) was 2 years old and we were at my great grandpa's funeral...well the ''moment of silence'' wasn't so silent as my little cousin was talking jibberish the whole time...but you really can't be mad - with little kids you never know what to expect, you can never guess how they will behave or act.

It's kind of the same with going to a wedding - you take the same type of risk.

Answer 8

Take him to the visitation but not the funeral. Kids have to learn about death sooner or later. Better when they're still young.

Answer 9

I think it should be up to your discretion. From what you have said you feel it is inappropriate. If you feel you child will be disruptive to others in the visitation and funeral then it would be best to get a sitter. A young child is too young to really understand death and what it means. I never went to funerals as a child, but only if they are close and can behave would be good to take them.

Instead of taking them to the visitation and funeral you could talk to them about it. Children have a different understanding of death, and your child may have questions. But do what you feel is best for the situation.

Answer 10

I was doing funeral escorts for the military.  Here is my perspective.  If you can have your child sit for 30 minutes to 1 hour, sure take em.  If not NO!!!  

Point in case I stood at attention next to a casket for 1.5 hours.  That's long time to stand at attention.  The sister of the deceased had a child and let her run all over.  She was at the level where when she ran into me it racked me in a sensitive area.  I WAS MAD.  She wasn't rapped tight anyhow.  She came up to view him (Mind you i am there to ensure he has treated with respect.) She stated "I wanna l**k him." I dunno what the heck she was thinking.  I stated to her "You l**k him and I am going to have to rip your tongue out!"  I really was PO'd and didn't know what else to say.  Sorry got off track a little.

Answer 11

For your own sake and that of your child, do your best to find a sitter.  Most people wouldn't mind the presence of a child, but all it takes is one nasty look or snide comment to make you feel like you've made the wrong choice.  The child will invariably have more fun with a sitter though, that's for sure.

Answer 12

Infants and toddlers are different. An infant will most likely fall asleep and will be taken out without much fanfare if they start to cry. Toddlers can get very fussy and are sometimes hard to immediately control. I might take either to the visitation since you most likely won't be there too long and one parent can keep the kids in the back while the other visits. For the funeral I would try to find a sitter if at all possible.

Answer 13

Funerals and weddings are places that I would think twice about bringing children that small.  They are restless and want to play and often get hungry and tired easily. If you are able to afford a sitter, leave the child home.  You don't want to 'fuss' with a toddler during a funeral.  It can be a long day for them, particularly if you have to sit for a long period of time.

Answer 14

Death is a part of life and I believe that children of all ages should attend all family “life-events” – weddings, funerals, christenings, naming ceremonies, other people’s birthdays etc. from a very early age on up.

This teaches them to have a healthy outlook on life – it begins (christenings) it has a middle – birthdays and weddings etc. and it has an end – funerals.

It also teaches children that the world does NOT revolve around them and that sometimes other people’s needs are more important than their desires.

Of course, you, being the good and responsible parent, have taught your little one manners. and are attentive to the needs of those around you - in that you make sure Sweetums is well-behaved - and supervised...

Answer 15

I vote for a sitter.

The child won't really understand what's going on except that people are sad and crying. However, small children do pick up on emotions and are likely to start crying or become fussy.

If this were a 4- of 5-year-old child, I would say it depends on what the child has been told about death and funerals, but since it's a toddler, I think the best idea for everyone concerned is to get a sitter.

Hope this is helpful.