Funny jokes contest =)?

Question

Whoever posts the funniest Joke gets 5 stars.

GL <(^_^<) <(^_^)> (>^_^)>

Answer 1

how do you make a hormone?

don&#039;t pay her

what did the may say to the ketchup?

don&#039;t look I&#039;m dressing

what did the sock say to the foot?

you put me on

Answer 2

well i dunno if its good but here goes xD

so a mom tells her son he has a gambling problem the son says he doesnt the mom says yes you do! the son says NO I DONT I SWEAR TO GOD the mom goes ya sure.......(sarcasticly) and the son goes YOU WANNA BET!

Answer 3

THIS IS FUNNY!

One day a rabbit, buzzard, and turtle ( all friends ) were looking for a home. They finally found a nice piece of land and decided that would be good enough. They built a home out of stick, beds out of straw, and planted a garden for food. But the garden wouldn&#039;t grow. They all talked it over and decided they needed compost. So the rabbit went to get some. A couple weeks later the rabbit came back, and there was a mansion that was gated! There was a man standing at the gate. Rabbit went up to the man and said &quot;were&#039;s buzzard?. The man said&quot; Mr.Buzzard is out in the yard ( say buzzard to rhyme with yard). Then Rabbit said &quot;were&#039;s turtle? The man said &quot; Mr. Turtle is down by the well ( say turtle like &quot;Ter tell&quot;). The rabbit thought for a minute and said &quot; tell Mr. buzzard, and Mr. Turtle ( pronoune it like the man does) that mr. Rabbit ( say it like &quot;rab it&quot;) is here with the sh*t!

Have a good laugh!

Answer 4

ok so..

a boy comes home from school and tells his mom he has a drinking problem. the mom gets all worried and starts to panic, so she calls her husband or him come home. the mom tells the boy dont worry we will work this out. so the dad comes homeand they both sit the boy on the couch. and the dad says ok son... how did u get this problem?

the boy says today... the teacher gave us this math worksheet and this is the problem...  one man drinks 2 glasses of  water and the other guy drinks 9 times that much and another guy drinks 2 times that much...how many glasses of water did the last guy drink?  

hahahaha!

Answer 5

A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, &quot;What&#039;ll you have?&quot;

The duck says, &quot;Got any pickles?&quot;

The bartender spits and says &quot;We don&#039;t have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!&quot;

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, &quot;Got any pickles?&quot;

The bartender, irritated, says, &quot;I told you yesterday we don&#039;t serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!&quot;

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.

The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: &quot;Got any pickles?&quot;

The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. &quot;I told you two times we don&#039;t serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I&#039;m going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!&quot;

With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.

The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: &quot;Got any nails?&quot;

The bartender, puzzled, said &quot;No.&quot;

The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, &quot;Got any pickles?&quot;  

Answer 6

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

lol Someone told me that joke and I laughed so hard!!

Answer 7

A student walks into her young professor&#039;s  office.

&quot;professor,&quot; the student says. &quot;I&#039;ve been so nervous about the big test coming up and i just know that I&#039;m going to fail, an i&#039;m  willing to do anything;&quot;

she lowered herself down to crouch next to her sitting teacher.

&quot;i mean, i&#039;m willing to do anything to pass the test&quot; she said, with a suggestive wink.

&quot;your willing to do anything?&quot; The professor said, his eyes widening.

&quot;yes,  Im willing to do anything.&quot;

&quot;Are you willing&quot; he said

&quot;to study?&quot;

Answer 8

GirlPowers joke is HILARIOUS!!

Answer 9

what do you call a cow with no legs?

ground beef!..

haha i know it&#039;s corny but it still cracks me up.

Answer 10

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on the floor?

Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

Art

What do you call a lady with one arm and one leg?

Ilene.

What do you call an asian lady with one arm and one leg?

Irene.