Future Sister Inlaw????

Question

My future mother inlaw thinks that her daughter (my fiances sister) sould be in my wedding party. I wouldnt have such a problem with this if she was a nicer person. My fiance and i have been together for 5 years, his sister has literally been the devil twords me. She is my age, we went to high school together. Not sure what i ever did to her, maybe because we were in different crowds of people? Even his mom hated me. We had to move in with them, found about 9 months, until we could find another place. It was h**l. His sister stole my clothes, makeup, wrote me death threats, would write **** in my bathroom mirror. His mom would never do anything to her. Just in the last year, both of them have been better acting. Dont know if its because they realize that i'm going to be part of the family wether they like it or not... Anyways, my fiance gave me heads up that my soon to be mother in law is going to talk to me about this. She thinks its only fair that his sister is in it, since mine is.

Answer 1

Most people believe that since it is you and your future hubby's wedding, that it is your decision.  I think the question is, what does your fiancee want?  If he wants her in the wedding because that is his sister, maybe you should consider it.  On the other hand, it is up to you to decide who you want as bridesmaids, not the future groom.  If she has been treating you with respect lately, why not?  Maybe this will be a way for you two to develop some kind of civility if not friendship, you are in fact marrying her brother and causing a union of two families whether you like it or not.  However, you are BY NO MEANS obligated to do so.

Answer 2

NO WAY!!!  Do NOT let that evil <insert bad word here> in YOUR bridal party.

Step up, honey! Don't let the IN-Laws think they can start running over you before the wedding even comes.  Put your foot down!!!

You are TOTALLY in the right here, don't budge, you're doing great, just hold stead-fast to this,  it'll be tough but you'll gain a little more respect behind their snide remarks.

Best of Luck.

Answer 3

Now is the time to be the better person, it does not mean you are giving in to the demands of your monster in law either, it will just prove that you are far more mature and don't fall prey to the sisters petty jealousy.

Or you can say my sister means a lot to me that is why she is in my wedding party and your daughter isn't. But I don't think that will go over to well.  

this has all the potential of being a great cat fight, but do you want that?

When the monster approaches you say of course she should be in my bridal party, I wouldn't have it any other way, but who will be her escort? Do you think I should ask my sister to step down to make room for your daughter? She how she responds to that. But one thing for sure if she does end up walking the aisle with you make sure her dress gets screwed the night before the big day.

Answer 4

I feel for you because I've been through something similar. But, is it really worth ticking them off and having to hear about it for the next 40 years? Don't make a friend drop out, just have an extra bridesmaid. Shock them by letting her. Kill her with kindness.

Answer 5

this is your wedding and you only do it once- god willing.  don't let anyone push you around.  I have a friend who wasn't friends with her husband's sister in high school, but the girl didn't act as bad as your future SIL does.  my friend did have the girl in her wedding, and now they're cool. on one hand it's a gesture on your part to say to this girl, you're hateful but I'm the bigger person and let's be adults.  on the other hand, it's tempting to be as spiteful to her as she's been to you, but she is family and you have to find a way to get along with her for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. My FSIL has been nothing but rude and hateful to me. If I so much as talk to her, she ignores me, and was horrible to my fiance' when she found out we were engaged. Apparently she feels that you can't find true love just on the other side of town, that takes world travel or something. The only time she was nice to me was in the beginning when we had college English together, and she wanted my notes. She is not in the wedding party, and fortunately my FMIL as not said a word about it. My fiance's brother is not a part of the wedding party either as he and my fiance' were never very close. FBIL will be our reception DJ, however, which saves us a bundle. Choose those you are closest to, and don't allow anyone to push you around. Attendant positions are for close friends and family who support the couple's decision to wed. Doesn't sound as if you FSIL applies. Make sure that your fiance' stands by you in this decision, because that is an important indicator on how your future will be, especially in regards to issues with your FMIL. If you feel so inclinded, have the sister do a reading, but don't cowtow to his mother, or she'll expect you to for the rest of your married life.

Answer 7

Just say....this is my day, and I am choosing the people who are important POSITIVE influences in my life to be in my wedding party.

Answer 8

Just be the the more mature person and make them part of the wedding party! I think your sister in law is just jealous that her brother found a magnificent person like you!

Answer 9

You should have her in the wedding.. Know that she has been a problem.. Just let her be part of the wedding, so she won't be mean to you about not having her in the wedding.. I hope she gets better.. Just ignore them though, you love your fiance don't worry about what they think.. Don't let it get to your head..

Hope I helped!

Answer 10

i think it should be up to your fiance. if he wants his sister in the wedding, then she should be. remember it is HIS wedding too.

and you wouldn't have to ask one of your friends to not be in it. it's okay to have uneven numbers.

Answer 11

Tell her its your wedding party you make the rules and you can invite who ever you want

if you invite her go to the spa or go shopping a couple days before the lighten the effect

Answer 12

YOU are the one that gets to pick your bridesmaids. if you're not close to your fiance's sister, you should not be made to have her in your party.

If you had a brother that your fiance didn't care for, i'm sure you wouldn't make him ask him to be a groomsman.

Answer 13

OK I will let you know now if you think she a pain in the but on normal occasion's the be worse during the wedding. I know first hand experience. Do not let her be part of any thing too important, let her be a guest book attend, pass bubbles or something that is easy enough if she doesn't do it will effect your day. I regret ever letting her be in the wedding party. We actually ran late due to her acting up, she insulted me that day several times that and my family and friends. She tried to change the date of my bridal shower so her daughter could come (and the girl is only one).

Don't give in, if you give in you will be expected to do it for ever. You don't want look back at pictures and think Why did I let that B*** in my wedding, she was a pain.  Be there done that and wish I had put my foot down.

Answer 14

I think you should say to her, I wish you told me this earlier but I already picked everyone like a few weeks ago.

The reason I say this is because his sister maybe really uncooperative and may not go along with all the things you ask her to do just because she does not like you. So instead of going through a whole but a drama during the time of your wedding  just stop it there.

Also, your mother-in-law is asking you to allow her in your party not her daughter. So if her daughter really wanted to be their she would would come up to you not her. To me it just seem like your mother-in-law is just trying to test and see what your answer would be. She wants to see how much control you will let her have. I can see this only being the begining hun.Next she probably going to be telling you what she thinks you guys should have your wedding.

I agree with you. The bride is suppose to have people around her who she trust and who cares about her. Being that your sister in law has been mean to you for years, obviously she does not fit that distribution for you.

Answer 15

You don't have to let her be in it. Just tell them that your wedding party was decided a long time ago and that you don't plan on changing it.

Answer 16

It's his family, make your fiance deal with it and then go along with what he thinks.

Answer 17

There's one simple thing to remember.

THIS IS YOUR WEDDING!

It's your wedding.  Do what you feel is right.  I wouldn't worry about doing anything his mother or sister wants.  This is the beginning of your life together with your husband.  Granted, this is his family, but they are not the ones you are taking vows with, he is.  It sounds like you and your fiance are already in agreement, now all you need to do is stick together.  Don't let the mother or sister get either one of you alone talking about this.  Tell them there you're sorry, but there is no room in the bridal party.  

I would sit the new SIL at the children's table (ha ha :) - Good Luck!

Answer 18

Your fiance needs to handle his family; his sister and his mother.  You do not need to be involved.  He needs to explain that they have treated you disrespectfully and therefore, treated him disrespectfully.  For this reason, she will not be in the wedding party.  Period.  Maybe she will learn to treat people more kindly in the future.

Answer 19

How does your fiance feel about it?  Since he's the only one who can complain about what's fair since it's your wedding not hers.

Answer 20

not all is fair in love and families...since the brides family usually pays for the wedding , SHE has the say about who's in and who's not...mother-in-law, not so much (unless she's paying for some of the wedding...) but since sister-in-law is such an idiot...give her something to do, like man the gift table (she puts packages on a table and leaves them alone...) or have her man the brides book (where everyone writes their names and something silly..that'll keep her occupied and if SHE writes nasty things, then it's a throwaway and no harm done..books are cheap).

or make her be the flower girl. (that'll put a crimp in her skirt..) she's your age, made to walk down the aisle throwing flowers, then she has to sit down with HER parents.

Answer 21

I say it is your wedding and if you don't want her in it then tell her. It sounds like you and your fiance feel the same way about this. I don't think his mother can have much to say about it if she is not footing the bill.Good luck!

Answer 22

Bottom line: It's your wedding. Do what you want. Unless they are paying for stuff they have no say- and you should be paying for it yourself, so don't worry about it. If they don't like what you're doing then they don't have to go. Furthermore, if they hate you so much, why would they WANT to be a part of it? Throw that in their face.

Answer 23

This is tricky because i want to tell you to keep them sweet by letting her into the wedding party but at the same time I want to tell you its your day so its up to you who you have in your wedding party  not your MIL.  T

he thing is, if you refuse, which you have the right to do especially after what you've told us about them both, then you could be making a difficult situation worse and make the two of them hate you more, and you do say they've been kind of nicer to you in the last year so do you really want to annoy them at this point?

Personally I'd tell your MIL that you cant have the SIL as a bridesmaid as you've already got as many as you want and dont want to let your friends down but you would love it if she could do a reading during the ceremony - this way she's included but not inluded in the main wedding party.  Its a compromise but it may be worth it just to keep the peace.

Answer 24

I would NOT use the "this is my day" speech. Its rude and tired. I would simply tell her that you already have picked your bridesmaids from people who have treated you with respect and that you get along with. And stare her straight in the face when you say it, so she knows that it is final and not going to be spoken of again.

Answer 25

Its YOUR wedding.  Who cares what your soon to be MIL thinks?

Answer 26

h**l nawwwwwwwww - are you sure you want to marry into this family - your fiance is taking sides with these hefers too.

Run for the hills and leave this dude - are you in love or in lust - evaluate it carefully.

No way I would put up with that c**p..

If you still want to marry into this psychotic family I suggest the two of you elope.

You can save money that way too.

Answer 27

Thats a tough one. I know you don't want all of the problems with his mom and sister to come back, and you feel like if you say no, that will trigger it all. But, in my opinion, this is completely your day, and to have someone you've had nothing but hard times with, in your wedding party, and having to replace one of your good friends for her to be in it is definitely not right. This is all your choice. But I can understand where you don't want drama with the family anymore, but this is where you have to stand up for yourself, and say you've had all of this picked out for quite sometime now, and you've already informed them all about being in your wedding party, and that you will include his sister as much as possible.

Answer 28

have her be your personal attendant instead of a bridesmaid.  you mother in law can stick it if you know what i mean.  and at least shed still be in the wedding just not the wedding party.  its your day not hers so s***w it.  especially since she is very rude.  

they will get over it in time so i wouldnt worry about it.  its your day your wonderful memory dont let them ruin it ok.  or have her be the cake cutter hee hee

Answer 29

it's your party and you can have whoever you want (or don't want) in the wedding party! tough sh*t for the sister, karma is a b*tch isn't it!

Answer 30

Does your fiancee kno all this because he should talk to his family! Maybe you guys should move....faraway! How r u guys getting married if his sister is saying she is going to kill u! omg! You should like idk talk to your fiancee about this! Oh and if thats all she's doing while your livng there you better keep a close eye on her at the weeding! who knos wat she will do!

Answer 31

i think she needs to understand that it's YOUR wedding and you should be able to decide who is in your wedding party