G'parent has legal custody, but child needs new parents. His are rotten and I am old. Can do open adoption?

Question

Grandparent has legal custody of 4 yr old-bio.mom in prison bio dad drugs, homeless, no job. I would love this child to have young parents that are good & stable. Want to force termination of bio. parents and put this child out for a better life. He has to still be in same town as grandparent. Anyone else doing this at age 60+???

Answer 1

contact an adoption agency in your area or foster care in your area and I  bet they will work with you to get everything good in your situation

Answer 2

What about other relatives?  Are they any aunts, uncles, etc. who could raise the child?

eta:

I also noticed you asked about an open adoption as well as having the child stay in the same town as the grandparent.  The potential problem with this is the open adoption agreements are completely UNenforceable under the law.  The adoptive parents can close the adoption at any time, and the grandparent will have no legal recourse.  Sometimes adoptive parents have been known to close the adoption after about a year, then move away.  Open adoption, then, is not necessarily a safe way to ensure that the grandparent can remain in contact with the child.

Answer 3

Oh, so hard. I feel for you as I have a 4 year old also and they can be exhausting even for younger people.

I agree with LaurieDB that it would be best to keep the child in the family if at all possible. You would miss him terribly and his parents really could reform--and the likelihood of their doing so would be greater if they have the goal of reuniting with their child. Even if the aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins aren't right in the same town, they would provide continuity for the boy and you could still see him and his parents could see him when possible.

The problem with open adoption is that it doesn't always stay open. Open adoption agreements are not enforceable legally, so the agreements can be and are broken. I would say this would be particularly likely in a situation such as yours, where the parents' lives are difficult and tumultuous. Even adoptive parents who start out really wanting to have an open adoption might "close" one with parents in jail and on drugs. They shouldn't, because they should go in with eyes open and make only agreements they intend to keep--and at the right age seeing what his natural parents are struggling with will help your grandson understand why he is not with them, but I think there is a decent chance that contact would be cut off or drastically curtailed, and I would not want that -- I can tell you love him and that connection is so very important for him.

And even with the very best of intentions and cooperation, economic and other circumstances might force the adoptive parents to move.

Perhaps you could somehow share custody with another family member? Or look into the local foster care system--NOT because you want him to go into foster care with strangers, but becaue there is often support for kinship caregivers, including respite care when things get to difficult.

Bless you for taking in your grandson. I wish you and him the best of luck in this difficult situation. Hug each other tight!

Answer 4

I think U can find sum1 to share Ur family w/ U....

there has 2b a family in Ur church or thru friends that U could arrange it with...good luck...would help U if I could....

Answer 5

I am so sorry you feel strangers would be better for this child than what you are able to provide. Here are a couple of sites that might be able to point you towards some resources that could be of help to you.

https://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

https://www.antiadoption.org

Answer 6

Are you this child's grandparent, or...?

Could you imagine the kind of trauma that sending this 4 year old boy to live with complete strangers would do??  Have you considered his feelings in this AT ALL??????  Could you imagine his terror in having to go live with people he has never met and doesn't know???

How about finding someone within the family, or a close family friend, someone that he already knows, loves and trusts, to become his guardian?  How would you feel if at 4, you had to leave your family, everything you have ever known, and go to an unknown place?  It would be the most frightening thing in the world for a 4 year old child!!!

Really, really THINK about this from his perspective.  He's old enough to know what is going on, and he has formed attachments to his family.  He won't soon forget being uprooted, and at this age it's already going to be hard to find a placement for him; most likely he'd end up in the foster care system for the rest of his life.

Talk to your family members, and see if something can't be arranged.  Don't send this poor little boy out of his family's love simply because you feel old.  Adoption is NOT a "better life"; it would be the most horrible, atrocious thing you could do to him at this point.

Answer 7

im sorry hun i dont know much about this. i just hope that you check out the family well. My husband was the child in a sittution like this and the family left with him and treated him really badly. but just check and make sure. good luck!

Answer 8

Go to a licensed adoption agency, and let them handle this case.  Or go to your state's Child Protective Services and let them untangle things.  This is more complicated that it may seem.  By bringing up this issue, the birth parents may try to seek custody.  Get the experts involved, and get support and counseling for yourself, assuming you are the grandparent.  God bless you and these children.

Answer 9

I'm sorry some people don't see being your age and trying to keep up with a young one as being a problem. I see exactly where you are coming from.

Family is important but being young enough to be a family is important too. I understand the problems keeping up with activities can cause. All the sports, plays, christmas programs, field trips, scouts. In 10 years when this childs social life is just getting started, God willing, you will be in your 70's and moving too slow to keep up with a teenagers needs.

If you could find a younger family member it would be beneficial to everone involved but if you can not you do what you have to do.

It is not unreasonable to think you will not be around this childs whole life. At some point you are going to be leaving them behind. The question is at what age is this going to be an easier trasition for them.

If there is no family member to take them now, will there be later, or will they end up in foster care at that less than cute and cuddley age? Maybe sooner would be better than later.

It saddens me to think about the position you are in, you do love this child and do want what is best for them, even if it means letting someone else take the lead and  you be what you were intended to be, a grandparent.