G.F. feels guilty, when its not her fault, her little autistic brother put a pencil into my car seat?

Question

G.F. feels guilty, when its not her fault?

I picked my gf younger brother up from school, the kid is autistic. As we were driving he stuck a a pencil into my new leather seats (2007 mustang, 1 month old), basicly destroyed the entire cover, it going to cost 1500 to repair.

So the problem is my gf feels extremly bad and wants to pay me. We have been going out for close to a year, but she feels extremly guilty about the seats, how to make her understand and let her know its ok??

Answer 1

Just give her a small gift (ear rings etc)  with a nice card and say material things have no cost compared to my feelings for you and my understanding that her little bro did not mean it, accidents happen, Hey it could have been worse, like in someones eye and blinded them or in an ear and made them deaf. And stop going on about the price and your new car it just sounds wrong. I am sorry it happened to you but having a child with autism myself we deal all the time with incidents with other peoples belongings. Sometimes we replace but most times they just do not want anything because it was an accident. Be understanding of your girlfriend having a sibling with a disability is difficult for the whole family and she has had to deal with this for a long time.

Answer 2

Tell her that it's no big deal, that you'll take care of it AND then take care of it. It's hard to believe that you have $1500 worth of damage from a pencil puncture. There are ways to FIX the damage without replacing the entire seat. It might not be perfect but it will demonstrate that you're not an obsessive-compulsive and this is not a big deal.

Answer 3

well dont let her pay if you like her alot. that sucks tho, i hate when stuff happens to my new car too (scion tc)

Answer 4

I think she feels like what her brother did is her problem to deal with, she hasn't yet realized that you are going to deal with it with her. It sounds to me like you accept her for her and everything in her life and that is awsome! She just needs to know that. Your a great guy for being very nice about this situation!

Answer 5

I'm the parent of an autistic child too.  Things like this do happen, and it is hard.  Your gf is embarrased and pretty much humiliated by the event.  It is something that she has always had to deal with and when it comes so close to her personally, as in her personal relationship with others...it is really hard.  I have also been the sibling of a special needs child...so I know that side too.  Many times there is shame associated with it.  She's dealing with some deep down stuff.  Try getting her to talk about it more and let her know that in dating her, you accept the whole package, her and her family...what ever comes.  Knowing that you accept her brother would mean alot to her.  She isn't responsible for the seats...make sure she knows that.  I know she feels bad for it, but she didn't do it.  If anyone should pay, maybe the parents...but not the child or your gf.  If you are willing to pay for this yourself, just do it...and never bring it up again.  :)  Good luck....it's tough, I know.