GIRLFRIEND PROBLEM please help its long but 10 points for detailed opinion/answer/advice im desperate.?

Question

ok had a girlfriend for 7 weeks, we've liked each other for ages she is 17 and im 18, shes very closed about her feelings, she admits it, shes not had many relationships and has never had anything serious or done anything intamite. she has made out with me once.. that was a week before we got together, she doesn't put kissess on texts and all the little things you'd expect once in a while .. i think she gets jelous easy, but i want her to feel for me as i do her, i mean i want to keep her guessing so she stays interested, i only see her once a week and stuff i want to see her more.. and maybe buld something up thats serious but i dont know what to do people say be mysterious .. dont be sensitive, be this be that do this do that, but i be myself.. i just wanna make it 50/50 she is interested i just want it to go up a level and it be a bit mre affectionate, ive only kissed her 'properly' once and she made sure all the lights were out and everyone was asleep i duno if she's self concious or what i asked her what she liked about a relationship she seems to not like much of it i said why be with me? and she goes 'its not that bad' she seems really shy and uncomfrotable when we go out her friends are always there. and its a bit like .. i dunno she hates PDA so i dont kiss her incase it makes her uncomfortable i dont know what to do .. yuou all say communication is the key well what do i say ? how do i say it ? and what if she finishes it ..

27 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

24 minutes ago

no sorry i am 17 she is 18 shes older. not that it matters much

24 minutes ago

she says she hides her feelings because her parents never did and they split up i dont know what that means i mean i am not gonig to hurt her .. if anything im the one usually getting hurt.. and shes very independant

Answer 1

If she does not like PDAs and that annoys her then then tell her about your concerns. All you can do is be yourself and tell her how you feel. It might just be that you two are not compatible enough to be going out or have a serious relationship. Some people just dont click.

Answer 2

Tell her it would help if she would trust you a bit.  She doesn't have to show her feelings all the time but once in a while letting you in is a good thing and helps both of you know where your at.  As for intimate situations, try little touches that let her know your thinking of her.  Ask her to take a moment with  you to let you explain that not being overly emotional is fine but you can only go so far without wondering whats going on.  She does owe you an explanation.  If she's shy about it, see if you can work out a little signal between the two of you that lets you know your thinking about the other one, something that no one else knows about.  

Answer 3

this is kinda how it is with me and my boyfriend. my boyfriend is very outgoing, and he's been with a LOT of girls before (believe me when i say A LOT!) and i'm really shy and i've been hurt before and so i'm not good at trusting ppl. i know how ur girlfriend feels. so trust me when i tell you this: just relax. So your gf how much you love her and care for her. tell her this. tell her "you know i love/like you right?" or "i care about you so much, [her name here]. and i love/like you." it always helps to be told this - it makes me feel better when my bf tells me this, and i have no doubt it'll make her feel just as good. it'll remind her how much u really do like/love her. But you definitely should talk to her. Tell her "If you don't mind, i think we should talk about our relationship if that's okay. There's just a few things I want to tell you and I want you to tell me some things just so we can understand each other better. You can trust me, and I trust you."  and just ask her (gently, of course) if there's a reason why she is so..shy..in your relationship and if there's anything you're doing wrong to make her feel uncomfortable. If you can talk deeply about things like this, it'll help. Me and my bf have had talks like this, and it has helped me feel better about being with him (i was always afraid of him hurting me since he's dumped a lot of girls before, and i told him about myself and my problems with guys and stuff and he's helping me by showing me that he really does care."

You guys should definitely negotiate, too. Ask her (again..very gently so u don't come across as a man ho or anything ;]) if she dislikes it when you kiss her or why she doesn't like PDA (some girls..like me...prefer to not show PDA because it's not special and when its in private, it just makes everything more intimate instead of showing the world..)

If you can do this, and talk to her like this, and be gentle and caring and understanding about it, eveyrthing will get better. If it has for me (the girl who couldn't trust guys who now can), it will definitely get better for you and your girlfriend <3

I wish you the VERY BEST of luck, and i hope you guys will work out SO good that you get married and grow old together and stay lovers for lifeee <3333333

OH! P.S- just remember- girls are sensitive, so this subject could be hard for her to open up and talk about, especially if she isn't very open already. just follow what i told you, and it should go pretty well.

Answer 4

just tell her you want to go get somthing to eat with her and ask if she could go alone with you.if she says no then shes not interested if she says yes then she is. if she says yes then after you go out alone with her if she lets you kiss her and hold her hand, then next time go with her friends and try to do the same thing and see how she acts, if she doesnt want you to do that cause her friends are there then either she or her friends talk c**p behind your back. if she is ok with it though then its all good.

Answer 5

Something must have happened in her life to make her close herself up obviously. but forget what everyone else says. There are no key or magical words to human emotions. Basically all you should do  is be real to her (be yourself). You cant make her love you all you can do is show her your love and if she loves you or start to love you over time she will open up to you. But be patient, becuase situations like these takes time. Let her move at her own pace becuase if you push her too hard she might just close up more. the best thing you can do is accept the way she is, love her and allow time for her emotions to show and grow for you.

Answer 6

wow what a pickle, from what you have told me she does seem very shy and closed, and i don't think that you will crack her shell in one blow.  if you really really like as much as you say you do you may find it worth waiting and just taking it easy and allowing her to warm to you. that way it all happens at her pace and not yours. im not saying im right here but that is the best i can do .....if you like her like you say its worth it dude

Answer 7

Just tell her how you feel

If she really loves you, she would understand

And if you really love her, you should let her know

Answer 8

Hmmm... she's definitely a very defensive sort of person. Not to be rude, but that's just how she is I know because I'm very similar. It can make things difficult. And the fact that her parents split up is a big deal, that can hurt a child so horribly and has effects just like this when they grow up. It sounds like you really love her though, and even though it's going to be hard I think you should let things go at her pace, with gentle nudges ya know?

Answer 9

Hey There,

It somewhat sounds like your girlfriend has some problems mentally. Maybe something that you both can get past but something that is really affecting her. If she says she does not like PDA and she feels that her parents split because of it then she sounds very young. You say she is 17 and no worries I believe you it just seems like she has no experience with relationships whatsoever.

It sounds like she is not used to having a boyfriend and it sounds like she is extremely shy. Maybe she feels like she cannot come out and point blank tell you that she is a virgin and has really no clue what she is doing. Perhaps she feels like she will get picked on if she shows PDA around her buddies.

The worst thing for you is if she has you as a boyfriend just so she can tell her friends she has a boyfriend but she never really wants anything serious with you.

What you need to do is give her time. If she is that insecure with her feelings then she needs time to find herself before she can find true balance in any relationship.

If you really want this to work out with her then I would say be there for her, talk to her, console her, and don't press your luck with s*x and all of that. One day if she is really "the one" for you then you will be really lucky because chances are you won't have to worry about SDTS and all that other stuff that comes with a girl (sometimes) who has slept around a lot.

She could be one of those girls who is saving herself for marriage and maybe that is something you are not interested in. If it is then you need to let her go. There is no point in trying to force someone into a relationship.

Just take it one step at a time, talk to her, get her to open up even more to you. Sometimes all it takes is a little more trust to go a long way.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

Give it up dude? U are done with this one move on , your only a kid what the h**l are worried about? U want kids right now? jesse man look on to the future worry about what your going to do in life and how are u going to make a living, then when u got your house and nice car then worry about girls, women can smell sucsess!

Answer 11

ummm.... let me think...

Well yeah shes obviously shy... PDA isn't always the best thing.. you've got to get used to it... Jsut talk to her like.. how you feel and stuff... try and have a private date... like dinner and a movir and stuff like that... have a good time.. talk to her. say how you feel. tell her what the problem is. if she dumps you then shes like my ex. not worth having cuz she cant handle a small problem.

Answer 12

wow jst one im 14 nd& wen ive done alot more then u hahve wow thtz sad u need 2 find sum1 how ready 4 u u kant b waitin on her 4ever time is tickin nd& u got college cummin up u need 2 get on it

Answer 13

just tell her u will always be there for her no matter what it works

Answer 14

Oh she sounds like a complete waste and i hate it how people say 'bla **** c**p... my parents got a divorce' So did bloody mine and yunno what im still alive. Ok... her parents wouldnt have split up for bieng loving... it would have been for bieng angry inside and NOT talking (like my parents) They stopped caring about each other and what each other did.

Yeh im sorry im such a slow typer so this is gunna take me foever and i want bloody 10 points man!

Yeh anyways... I realy think you need to see her more! I mean its a bit q***r you two having a relationship when you dont know each other. You should be soo comfortable and go to each others houses all the time... sleep over and watch movies eat food together and MAKE OUT.

But if shes not comfortable with it... you need to take it step by step (Paso a paso) WHEN you start going out more COZ YOU WILL. why?coz i bloody well say so! - You should start making more contact, cup the back of ur hand on her neck and comment on her soft skin... then move ur hand lower to her back and let it linger there...

Later... make more intimate contact like her leg and even hold her hand. Then hold her hand for a bit whenever your out.

Yeh then blah oiesghgjkd ... go in for the kill one night when ur both comfortable and alone and in a nice enviorment.

I THINK YOU SHOULD CALL HER NOW AND INVITE HER OVER FOR A NICE COZY MOVIE IN YOUR ROOM.

Make some popcorn and get under the covers. wear boxers and a tight top... =] mmm

TEN points is mine yeh?

Answer 15

Honesty is your best bet.  Tell her what you are thinking.  If she is the caring and intelligent person you think she is, then she will more than likely talk to you straight about what she thinks.  It is best to find out now if you have any kind of a chance before you get into it so deep that your heart is going to be broken, if a year down the road she tells you to take a hike.  You will really feel better once you know one way or the other.  Good luck!

Answer 16

You know that quote "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. " I think that's what may be happening here. It's possible that she cares for you, but her parents' separation may have inflicted a lot of hurting for her and she's afraid to open up to someone at the fear of being hurt by them. If that's the case then a lot of patience is the only thing that is going to help here. On the other hand, if she's only going out with you because "it's not that bad" then you could find someone that appreciates what you do for them and cherishes you. Also, just saying that some girls don't like PDA or a lot of closeness and it may take her some time to get used to it- especially if you're her first real relationship. Either way you look at it, you can either decide she doesn't care for you as much as you care for her and decide to finish the realtionship while both of you guys are on good terms, or if you truly love this girl that you talk aobut and see a future with her that may not include a lot of touchy-feely, intense kisees and YOU are fine with that, then prepare for a slow journey. If this is something jsut casual, then you can find someone that meets your needs. Besides those suggestions, the rest is up to you to decide. Good luck and I hope that things work out for you :)

Answer 17

7 weeks... slow down

Answer 18

there maybe several things going on. she may have a trauma like she said. in that case, keep talking to her and reassure her that she's not her mom and dad and keeping her feelings to herself is not good for her. be patient with her and try to make the relationship work. Find out if she really loves you or if that's just an excuse. When i went out w my husband i didn't like PDA but that was because i was too conservative. I got over it later thought cuz when u love someone u just cant hide it and u don't care who knows it. you can also suggest some time off and judging by her answer make a decision. hope this helps.

Answer 19

aww.. she's extremely nervous give her some time.

and everything your doing is great, continue to be yourself that's all you have to worry about. she'll come around eventually and soon enough she'll be kissing you all the time. i just think she's upset about her parents splitting up and she's afraid that if she gets close (like her parents did) that she'll end up getting hurt or that you'll leave her.

so just continue to be there for her.

and everything will be ok..

good luck!  

Answer 20

Okay. I definably know what your girlfriend is feeling like. She most likely is scared of physical affection, perhaps she was molested as a child or she just gave up too much too soon causing her to fear any intimate relationships. Ask her is my only guess. She also just might feel like your putting up too soon. The key object is fear. She's scared of something. Try and find out what it is, maybe ask her mom if something happened. As in for how your acting? I would just try and take her out to public places, surprise her. Find out what she likes. Say she likes nature, take her out to a community park that has a pond and a fountain with flowers and trees around it. Or if she likes baseball, take her to a game. Or maybe public places scare her. Try taking her out with your family, or hers.  

Answer 21

I think you should honestly just talk to her about it, you know like this whole long paragraph you wrote, say something like that you said to her. Like you said if her parents split up, subconsciously she might be pushing you not to get to close because she's afraid the same thing might happen to you guys. She might not even know it either. Just talk to her about it, what have you really got to loose? If your afraid of loosing her by telling her, well you don't seem to be perfectly happy with how you guys are now and if your not happy with the "relationship" well then something is wrong and you guys need to work that all. Seriously dude just tell her how you feel, if you like her that much than you are kind of obligated to do so.

A lot of girls don't like PDA and that's understandable to some extent you know like making out in public, but you should be able to at least hold hands in public. Just tell her how much you really like it and that you would like a seriously relationship. If she doesn't think the same well then your not meant to be, at least right then. Good luck dude!

Answer 22

Sounds to me she has issues with opening up and showing affection.Maybe even self consious.She might be a virgin and is nervous that the affection will lead to s*x.The both of you are young so maybe she hasn't had many boyfriends she has kissed or touched.She gets nervous so she has excuses on why she acts that way.But its hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't open up or show affection.I don't think u can make a person be more open if they aren't comfortable.

Answer 23

I was like that when I first started dating my boyfriend. I wouldn't push things on her too much, but I mean stay being affectionate towards her and maybe she'll come around.  

Answer 24

Relationships are hard. This is a new relationship and it shouldn't have so many problems already. This is suppose to be the easy part. You are young, this will not be your last relationship. I don't see this one working out. Sorry.Heartbreak is a part of life. It sucks, simple as that. But one day you will find the one that is right for you, when you are not looking.

Answer 25

I think you need to know what is in her head vertically before you know her horizontally. It is imperative to consider that we change about every seven years. I think it is important to understand that we are what we live.If we live in a loveless environment, it will be our normal not to express love. We never knew what it was when we were young, how are we going to know it when we get older. I see a lot that you need to really consider, her background, her fear of getting close, and above all her fear of not wanting to trust anyone. I think you also need to be honest. In all relationships, honest, integrity, and loyalty  will propel all relationships to a strong and lasting union. You also owe it to yourself to be as honest as possible with her. If she does not plant kisses on texts messages, you do it for you. If it  make you feel comfortable , why not. You are you. Do not be plastic and change for anyone.Remember, honesty goes a long way.

Answer 26

As a female myself, I can tell you that we don't like to rush things.  She wants to sure of your feelings and if you continue to show interest even though she's not getting too intimate with you, she will see that it is HER you like and not her body, or s*x, or any of that.  

Young people should spend a LOT of time dating and getting to know one another before ever taking a relationship to that next level.   The closeness that will become later on all depends on how much you can be friends in the beginning.  You never want her to feel like you rushed her into s*x or a commitment when she wasn't ready.

Let her grow to love you, and take it from there.

Answer 27

Well i think she is afraid she would lose you. because she as the superstition that if you guys don't hide your feelings, the same thing that happened to her parents will happen to you two. You gotta talk to her and say that you would be there for her when things are rough and that it is ok if she feels that way. relationships can be scary b/c things get confusing. You just got to let her know that you love her in a calm loving manner.  Do some romantic things like watch a movie (even if it has to be a teary eyed "chick flick" b/c that means you'll be there for the tears and help her wipe them up) and take her to a fancy restaurant like red lobster or olive garden. If you kiss her, just do it slowly and not too much public. reason why is that PDA may not be what everyone wants to see. She prob doesnt want to have people look and stare at you guys and feel disgusted. I mean an occasional peck on the cheek and holding hand may be fine publicly, but no frenching and groping. So just talk to her and keep the PDA mild. Plus, just hang out and watch a movie like i said either a chick flick or you can also watch a horror flick, so if she gets frightened she can be safe in your arms.

Answer 28

personally i have the same problem with the whole showing affection thing... some people show it differently. I'm with a guy currently who likes to be all over me and i have asked him to slow it down a bit... mind you we have been together about 2 and a half years now and have a baby. she could be hurt. with my parents divorced i feel scared to love again because your just going to lose it all over again.... its hard when your parents are supposed to be your biggest role model and it that breaks down in flames you feel more self conscious about who you let in even if you have known that person since you were born. i feel that you should maybe let her know that you are there and when she is ready to talk your not going to get mad or leave. sometimes girls get a little scared that guys will leave right when they feel safe, just be sure you show your feelings and hopefully soon she will return the favor. if she does decide to break it off then stay a close friend you never know she could come back and notice her mistake... this all takes some time.

Answer 29

ok 1.theres nothing wrong with closing your feelings up at first but if it stays that way for to long something is wrong.she keeps her feelings close because maybe she was hurt before you what im saying? she doesnt wanna feel that pain again so keep proving and showing to her that you will never hurt her

2.everyone is jealous at times so just let her know that your a tease your all hers that will make her happy for sure trust me!!

3.being that shes only been in a few relationships she may not be too into kissing or too much effection let her know that you are there for her whenever she is ready for that.make her feel comforterable cuz theres nothing worst being self concious about something

4and in the end it should all turn out right ask her questions like what she likes to do.before you get deep in a relationship you start as friend than lovers and when you can have both a lover and a friend than that completes it.

Answer 30

i was just like this with my boyfriend. I was so closed about my emotions it made him really angry most of the time and he just didn't want to talk to me. I used to hide behind my hair because I was so selfconcious and paranoid, but the one thing he did for me that no other guy did was have patience. He got angry, he became sad, he became needy, but he always sucked it up and stuck it through with me. Slowly but surely I started opening up and expressing how I really feel about him. It's not easy to open up especially if you're a shy girl or guy. I hardly told him how I felt about him even though I liked him A LOT. He always told me how he felt and made me feel so nice about myself and us but I could never get the courage to say it back until one day it hit me that he could be the one that I can finally be myself around. Just please have patience and good things are bound to come.

Answer 31

What I'm getting is that its time for you to be with a girl that appreciate you and can do things that make you happy because no happiness in a relationship is not going to work it will only cause heartache and pain in the end of it all .If its hard for her to show her emotions show her how because after ahile there is only so much that a person can take