GIRLS, has this happened to you?

Question

Well I've been with my fiance for 4 years and were getting married this November, anyways how do i explain this. His family isn't the greatest i mean they all love each other and stuff but his mom has lied, cheat and taken advantage of him financially, physically and emotionally and i believe that is why he is soo attached to me and my family, because my family treated him like a son. He is in boot camp and he has not called no one but me, i had received 10 letters and his mom only got one. His mom has hated me because she thought i was taking him away from her when he was actually leaving her, you know. he rarely sees his dad because there divorced but hes ok, no problems with him, but still i guess what i am trying to say is that, is it my fault that he's with me more than his family like today he had called me from boot camp and i told him to call his family and he refused to. So I'm feeling bad a bit cause i feel its my fault. We had more major problems with his mom but im not going into all that. So has anyone been through this??

Answer 1

You have to let him deal with his family!  I had to do this with my husband and he had to do it with me.  If they want to blame you, that is their character flaw, not yours!  My parents blame my husband for us living half way across the country from them, but if I got to choose, we would live as far away from them as possible (New Zeland sounds nice!)  So when they treated him badly and it started effecting my son, I stopped talking to them altogether!  My husband is a grown man and can handle ugly comments, but my baby would not understand and I will not let their uglyness hurt him!  Anyway, take a step back from his family (don't hang with them and don't call them, answer their calls, but hang up if they start to get ugly or whiney!) and tell your man that your family is hurting your feelings!

Answer 2

as a nurse I would say emotionally his mom has replaced his father with him. she sees him as the man of the house who should be there for her supporting her  like a husband  but he is only her son. she needs to deal with this and he needs to say to her I am not your husband I am your son and although I move you mom I am gettting married I love her and you either learn to except it and us both as a couple or our relationship will be over. she will snap out of it and realize how wrong she has been hopefully

Answer 3

I am lucky with the in-law department but I can tell this is defiantly not your fault. They had these issues long before you came along and now that he has something positive in his life they are trying to bring him down. You are an easy target because you're his everything. I think it's great that you are trying to get him to call him family but maybe you should write his mother a letter explaining everything about how you feel. If you are going to be family soon you mine as well put it all out there. Sounds like you have nothing to lose and at least you know you were the bigger person and did all you could!!

Answer 4

I think you should be happy he is depednet upon you like glue! and not his mom, You should stop telling him to call his mom, he'll call his mom when he is comfortable, obviously she treats him terrible. So enjoy the love you get and I hop she isn't a lunatic or dangerous.

Answer 5

Your situation is very similar to mine. Except, I am the one with the distant family and my husband is the one with the great, supportive family. Do not feel guilty or take blame for this. I choose to not have contact with my mother, and my decision had nothing to do with my husband or his opinions on her. Growing up she was an ok mom, definitely not the best, but I guess not the worst either. But she was very hot headed and never thought rational, and this would come out at my teachers at school (which was VERY embarrassing for me)  or her temper would be taken out on me. As I got older, she became more controlling. Calling the police on me at the age of 16 saying I ran away, when really I was a few blocks away hanging out with my friends (which she was well aware of) she put me through h**l in my teenage years. When I turned 18 she stole a check from my check book and over drew my checking account while I was struggling as it was to live on my own, just so she could cover her own account. I got married very young (at the age of 19) and our first son was born that same year. My mother would tell my family lies or manipulate things that she saw to make me look like a bad parent. I may only have been 19, but I was and still am an awesome parent. So I would have my aunt or whoever try and call and give me "tips" on parenting, which was very offensive when I KNEW I was doing a great job. She would lash out on me in front of my son and talk down to me and manipulate me. I finally had to eliminate her from my life. She caused me more headaches and hurt then anything else, and I knew I couldn't allow her to do these same things to my son, as she had done to me during my childhood. My husbands parents live in California and are as involved as they can be, but absolutely LOVE us and their grandkids. My mom would get very jealous and make rude remarks when she would see a birthday card or something from them to me. I think she even stole this hat my father-in-law sent to my son that said "Grandpa's Side Kick".. I haven't seen it in since she helped us move, and I have looked everywhere.. so I am assuming out of jealously she did something to it. She definitely resents my husband and tells the other members in my family this is all his fault, when really he has nothing to do with my decision, aside from support my choice. There are a time for a few months where my marriage was rocky and I was going to move out, my mom was the FIRST person to invite me to live with her and had nothing but bad things to say about husband and his family, which again is VERY manipulating. Once him and I were able to patch things up and decided to stay together, she wasn't very happy and made comments towards him trying to make me re-think this over.

I give you props for dealing with his mom! Its not easy!! I am glad its me and not my husbands family.. I don't think I would be strong enough to handle his family treating me or feeling that way about me. Just be happy you AND him have support from YOUR family! His mother is the one who is missing out, and until she can realize she needs to treat YOU with respect AS WELL as her son, you 2 don't need that in your life. If she ever confronts you and tries placing the blame on you, I would just tell her your sorry she feels that way and to take care. You will never win a battle with her over this topic. She needs to do some self evaluation and realize her own faults. Just work on you and him and your happy life that lies ahead of you, his mom chose her decisions in life, and well, now she has to pay for them.

Congrats on getting married!! Stay focused on the 2 of you and don't let her get in the way. Move away if you have too, whatever keeps the BOTH of you happy!!

Answer 6

Hay im 13 and  the only thing i have done is kissed a boy and he loves me and his family loves me! All i can say is 2 talk 2 his family and tell them how you feel!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I'M ONLY TEN, but i'd have to say, if u have a bad relationship, dont get married! or u can try to get closer 2 his mom, then, wen u get married, u will have a good relationship with his family. well thats the best advice i got 4 ya! GOODLUCK!!!!!!!!!