GIRLS - My ex broke up with me six weeks ago, which of these options would you choose?

Question

My girlfriend of 20 broke up with me six weeks ago. I don’t know whether she met someone else or just lost interest. On the last day I saw her she told me that she'd been abused when she was younger and had Herpes, and that she didn't tell me before because she was terrified i'd leave her. She also behaved very immaturely in the last few weeks of our relationship. She’s come through a lot – several rapes, a drug addiction, 2 suicide attempts and a violent ex boyfriend and done amazingly well. I am proud of her but naturally very angry with her as I could now have Herpes. On the other hand I still care for her and really need to see her or talk to her again to tell her how I feel and get some closure on this, but she’s completely cut off. Bearing in mind that her birthday is in two weeks, how should I/would you go about getting in touch? I've text her asking how things are, but she didn't reply.

Would you:

a) Put you anger and pride aside, temporarily, try to be friendly until you can get to meet her, and then tell her how you feel and how irresponsible she was?

b) Send her an email explaining how you feel and how irresponsible you think she was, but that you still care for her and would like to see her again and stay in touch, and risk her not responding at all and never seeing her again?

c) Text her two weeks before her birthday and tell her that you’re over the break up and happy to be friends, then call her on her birthday to try to arrange a meeting – and then when you meet tell her how you feel.

d) Wait till her birthday and send her a card card telling her that you’re happy to be friends, and to call you sometime? (enclosing a CD of things she loved that you downloaded for her when you were together). Let her get in touch, and then when/if you see her tell her how you feel?

e) option (d) then if she doesnt call or respond option (b)

...Any help here would be really appreciated as this situation has been driving me crazy for months…

Answer 1

they all sound really good. Do you wanna be with her if so you no were she lives? Go by and talk to her tell her you wish she had told you sooner but at least she did it and tell her if we cant be together lets just be friends and hang out once in awhile. Really i wouldnt choose B because she may not reply and you will not be able to tell what she was really thinking or how she feels. A sounds good but dont be to harsh on her when you talk to her ya she may have been wrong but if you sit there and put her down she may never talk to you again.. C sounds good as well but what if she does not reply? Really you need to go to her house or her job with some flowers and tell her how you feel. That will show her you care for her no matter what. Well hoped i helped. Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

She has cut off from you and doesn't want to give you closure.  But you are still wanting the attachment to her and living in hope it will change.  In the relationship she kept things from you and just dumped you - it's the character she is.  You don't care for each other equally - you wouldn't keep secrets, act immaturely or dump her.  She would do that to you.

Option f. Don't expect anything from her or ask her anymore.  You will prolong the hurt I'm afraid.

Answer 3

i would do c. if she wants to just be Friend's, start all over and just be friend's. mabe somday you will come very close and be together agian

Answer 4

Option A.

This girl needs some sense talked into her. She can't just go around giving people herpes because she is too scared to tell them. This isn't a STD that you can just take a pill and have it be gone. If you have this, you have this for life. Sadly, I went through a similar situation with my ex. He had it and didn't bother to tell me that he got it from his ex. One night the condom broke and that was how I contracted it. I know that feelings that you are having right now. It's like your being pulled in a million different directions. You care for her, but in a sense hate her at the same time. This is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your like. It makes any future relationships for you ten times more difficult. Her using the line 'I was scared to tell you' is not justifiable. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me. Good luck!

As far as a having a relationship with her in the future, I don't see that happening. How could you be with someone after they did something this horrible to you? How would you ever be able to trust her again? What happens if she found out that she had HIV and used the same line. What would you do then? I think you are better off talking to her, explaining how you feel, and leaving it at that. If you chose to be friends with her after that, that is your choice. But I can't even see a friend being that self centered about something that serious.

Go get checked out at the doctors. Unfortunately males have less/ to no symptoms at all of herpes.  

Answer 5

option D

Answer 6

Wow... your ex sounds exactly like i used to be (except the herpes and drug thing). I think option D would be the best way to go, for now. I wish i had an ex like you lol. She sounds terribly messed up, and its really nice of you to care so much as a lot of men will (honestly they do) when that much baggage comes up. She doesn't realise what a gem you are. When people have been through what she has they can be very self destructive and it sounds as if she is. The amount she has been through makes me believe that she has got stuck in the role of playing the victim, and if you get used to playing the victim and ae self destructive it becomes very hard to relate in any other way. Your relationship obviously didn't allow her to play the victim so she became confused and ended up pushing you away. Try option D but please be aware that unlessshe has sorted out the issues for herself she may never come back. Also please be aware that 'victims' can be quite manipulative, so look after yourself as well. And if she gave you herpes (which you now have for life) can you really trust her on anything? Best of luck

Answer 7

Option E

You should go to your doctor and get tested for herpes ASAP.

Answer 8

Do you know when she found out that she has herpes? Do you think maybe she just found out and doesn't want to infect you if you aren't already?  You need to write her a letter and ask her to please contact you, as you have some questions you would like answered. If she doesn't contact you, write a letter telling her your feelings, and then move on.  I do hope you have contacted a Dr. to find out if you are infected, and take steps to make sure that no one else could contact this.  

Answer 9

you sound like you really need to get this off your cheast

I would go the email telling her how you feel but also let her know you still care for her and would like to remain friend

but you need to tell her how you feel even if you do get no answer  

Answer 10

Option D sounds better for me.

You dont accuse her being immature and tell her how upset or offended you are because if she wants to cut the contact with you, it must be because she is stubborn and persistent that something or someone else is wrong, not her.

Try to approach her as a friend who's understanding and care about her and this is about what she feels, not what you feel. Then she'll open her heart for you again and let you step into her life.

Answer 11

She didn't reply to you so I wouldn't bother contacting her again.

Also, go get yourself tested.

This girl had an STD that is a VIRUS that does not GO away EVER and didn't even bother telling you about it the entire time  you were together. To me, that's unforgivable.

Herpes can be treated but it never goes away.

Please go see a doc asap so you can get treated if you have it.