Gave up baby 7 years ago, is it okay to ask for pics?

Question

the way the adoption agencys policys were at that time was you could only recieve pictures up until the 3rd year, and the adoptive parents were very open about that. (He knows all about me too) now the policys have changed and any exchange of photots are allowed as long as both sides agree. I havent seen a picture of him in 4 years, although we keep in contact. would it be wrong to ask the adoptive parents for a picture of him now?

Answer 1

I don't see why not, especially since you have kept in contact with them.

Answer 2

Good for you!

I think you should see a photo of him if you'd really like to and they are open to this (AND SO HIS HE).

I would ask fo just a photo of him, no one else it in. This will make it easier on yourself.

Remember, this was your child, you should be able to see a picture, but this isn't your life anymore, so don't pressure.

They might feel very proud that you want to see a photo of their son!

Best of luck

Answer 3

no, it sounds like its an open adoption so go ahead and ask!!!

Answer 4

I don't see how asking could hurt.  I would definitely try.  The worst that could happen is that they say no, right?

Also I give you tremendous credit for putting your child up for adoption! What an amazing selfless thing to do!

Answer 5

if your talking to them there is no reason not to ask what is the worst that happens they say no

Answer 6

I don't think it is wrong at all.

Answer 7

You can always ask, however you have to make sure you are ready to stand by whatever they decide, even if it no.

If you are very open and honest with them, they should have no problems with it if thy were so open before about it. All you can do is be honest with them, and simply ask =)

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 8

I am afraid if you do you might wish you went back in time and stop. Or maybe it might make you happy to see him with someone who could take care of him. idk just ask them....

Answer 9

I don't see why not.  I just recently placed my baby girl for adoption a week ago, and the couple actually WANT me to have some involvement, which I have heard is really rare.  But I feel uncomfortable about it.  I have told them that I am unsure of my feelings about being involved, but we do send correspondences back and forth via lawyer.  They plan on sending pictures and understand if I want to just sort of view from the sidelines.  I feel my presense might confuse her.  But they are a wonderful couple and I do not want to step on any toes.  She is their baby now and if they even send me one photo in her entire life, that would be more than enough.

Answer 10

Wow, this is a tough one. I think it would depend on the relationship you have maintained with the adoptive parents. IF it was my adoptive child, I might feel threatened if they parent suddenly asked for pics after 4 years. When you say you have maintained contact, is it once a year, few times a year, etc? I think if you explained to the adoptive parent that you posed no threat but were just curious then perhaps they would give pics.

I don't know if I would be willing to share with an adoptive parent though unless it was a really open relationship.

Good luck.

Answer 11

You don't lose out on anything by asking.  Prepare yourself for all answers, ie they might say no.

Good luck.

Answer 12

Yes it is wrong! Leave the child alone. You gave it up so it would have  better life. Let these great people raise their baby.  Maybe when the child is older he or she will want to see you, but until than you have no right to interfere. Sorry, thats just the way i feel.

Answer 13

I recomend that you do ask, there should be nothing wrong with that if you'll are keeping in contact.

Answer 14

it is always okay to ask questions! go ahead and ask.  after all this baby is your own flesh and blood

Answer 15

Sure!

Answer 16

i dont think it would be wrong if you are still in contact with them... i mean the worst that can happen is they say no right!? i mean yeaaah they could stop being in contact with you, but if they were open about it back then, why wouldnt they be now?

just ask....if you really wanna seeee him, i would ask.

Answer 17

I think it would be fine.  Though, it might make your heart a little more sore.  But then again, it might make it as peace also.  I don't see asking for his picture is offensive or anything.  And if they feel differently (which they do have the right) then they would let you know.  =o)

Answer 18

Ask for the pictures.  The worst thing that could happen is that they simply say no.

Answer 19

Ask for pictures. They will most likely be glad to show your your beautiful son. It will probably hurt to see him, but it will also make you feel better.  

Besides, if they do say no, you are in no worse place than you are now right?

Answer 20

If you have been in contact with them, I don't see any reason why they would not give you a recent picture of him.  Although they might see it as a change of heart of sorts.

Answer 21

I agree with linzer all the way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to see your own child! Yeah you made some mistakes in the past, but you are human. But you probably will want to be reunited with him after seeing photos. They may not mind you visiting him tho. You should ask them. He may want to know who his real mother is anyway. Good Luck in the future. I hope they let you see him :)

Answer 22

You don't suck! in response to that post above.  You probably made the best decision in giving your child to a loving family to be adopted.  With that said, no it's not wrong to ask for pictures, but be prepared for a "no" from the parents.  And if they do allow it, that should be the only contact you have with the child, through pictures.  Your presence would really complicate things.  Asking can't hurt, just make it clear for them that you are purely curious, want to see him, not trying to get into his life.  Good luck!

Answer 23

No way, I think that it is perfectly fine for you to ask for pictures.

Answer 24

knightanais (the second person to answer this question) is probably also pro-life.  I would bet my life on it.

Those people have no answers for life's tough decisions, they just like to judge and blame.

Answer 25

If you are in contact anyway, I see no reason not to ask for a recent photo. This is assuming you have a reasonably respectful relationship, and that they aren't wacko people who will see that as a threat.

I'm surprised they haven't offered.

Answer 26

I am an adoptive mother and I exchanged pictures with the birth mother for a year. I offered to continue but she did not respond. Now that my daughter is older and asking questions, I wish I still had contact with the birth mother. I have the deepest respect and admiration for her and only speak well of her to my daughter. I believe that many adoptive mothers feel this way. Please ask. They may be afraid at first, but they may be happy to accommadate you. Good luck!

Answer 27

Regarding your comment about getting criticism, if a teen is faced with a pregancy, it doesn't matter what decision she makes - she will ALWAYS be criticised.  Example:

1. If you aborted people would say 'oh your murderer etc'

2. If you adopted people would say 'how could you do such a thing, your own flesh and blood!'

3. If you kept the baby people would say 'your too young! you're a child yourself!' and sneer at you and call you names while you push the pram....

Anyway, the point I'm making is, you made the decision that you thought was best for you and your child and if people don't like it, it's their problem.

In answer to your question, go ahead and ask for pictures, especially since your child's parents are open about it.

Best wishes, Penny xxxx

Answer 28

hi, i think if the adoptive parents are okay with it it would be find. just remember that you gave them this precious gift and now its theirs so if  they don't mind then i see no problem with it  as long and child doesn't either.   i would ask the parents first .. good luck

and i compend you on giving up for adoption   some people would not have done it and the children are the ones who suffer..   god bless

Answer 29

Sure you can ask for pictures!  I'm an adoptive mom, and if my daughter's birthmom asked for pics, (I send them to her anyway...we have an open adoption) I'd be happy to send her some!  The worst thing that can happen is they could say no, but I doubt it.  Especially if you still are in contact with eachother.   They know how much you love your child.

Answer 30

I won't.  As long as I know, that my baby is okay.  It might trigger something and I might want the baby back.

Answer 31

I don't think it would hurt to ask, just be mentally prepared in case they say no.