g*y but pretending I'm straight?

Question

I've always been g*y but had to pretend to be straight to be *normal*. Now i am engaged with two kids but I am miserable every day. I fake it during s*x and avoid any sexual contact as much as I can but you can't always so no. I don't want to hurt the guy or my kids but I feel I have no choice, I have no support system on this subject and no one would help me if I said I was g*y. What can I do about this situation? The guys not a bad guy and my kids are still babies...

Answer 1

a friend of mine her mom came out .she got a divorce from the husband and he moved out but she is happy for her mom .you should be happy im sure your husband suspects something my partner knows im bi and he is ok with that .you should do what makes you happy .you know what you have to do xx

Answer 2

I don't have any sympathy for you at all.  Getting engage and having babies does not just happen overnight.  

The fact that you lie to yourself everyday is one thing but to lie to another just b/c you don't want to hurt his feelings is sad.  Who are you to play with others feelings, living under false pretenses?  

You think you would hurt peoples feelings by telling them you are g*y in essence what you are doing now is even worse and you are just digging a deeper grave with each day that passes.  Own up, stand up for what you believe in and come clean.  Stop the insanity!  You owe it to your children and don't you want to be a good example and mentor to them as they grow up.  I would be embarassed to have a mother who is not confident in her beliefs and mislead my dad to think that you loved him!

Answer 3

I would say that you should just follow your heart. You maybe unhappy for the rest of your life if you don't speak up now. Just let your spouse know how you truly feel and hope for the better. Just go out one day and just think. Try to figure out what it is that you really want. But most of all weigh your options and see what's the better decision!!

Answer 4

well I think your nuts for pretending and now u have started this family with this man who your gonna end breaking it off with and tearing this family apart. What were you thinking? Id get out now while your kids are little so they arent messed up in the head when they get older! wow!!

Answer 5

Just tell him. You don't want to put your children through that.

Answer 6

Stop pretending.  There is nothing wrong with being g*y.  Just tell your bf that you need to stop faking your life.  You need to live as a single mom with your kids until you find a significant other to share your life with.  Once you come out, you will hear about a lot of other people who are also g*y.  they will be your support.  I think you will be surprised how supportive people will be.  

Your kids will love you for who you are.  If you are happier, it will also help them to be happy.  Good luck.

Answer 7

First off you can't spend your life being someone that you are not.  There is nothing wrong with being g*y, although there are still very closed minded people out there.  Second, whats going to hurt your guy more, finding out now, or after you have been married.  I would tell him even tho it might be the hardest thing you have ever had to do.  If your kids are young they will be able to adjust better. Them growing up knowing you are different will be better then telling them when they are older, they might then wonder what else you have hidden from them.  I wish you the best of luck, You only have one life to live so might as well be happy.

Best Wishes

Answer 8

girl do what ur heart says! NOW!! GET OUT AND DO IT KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOUR SELF WITH THIS stress and your kids will have to suffer your missery. get out of the relationship before its to late. just say im not happy things change from when we got together, and you cant keep going! good luck

Answer 9

My friend has two kids who are preteens and was married for almost fifteen years and has just come out of the closet. Do you really want to put them through that when they are old enough to see the change? There are plenty of support groups out there for you. I say, tell the world, if people loved you straight they will still love you g*y or they never really loved you anyways. In my family," if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." So let them be happy. Your children will feel your pain and notice that you aren't a happy person. And, for the life of me, I don't understand why people care so much if you are attracted to guys or girls. If I love someone or am friends with someone it's not their sexual preference that made me their friend, it's their personality. Get rid of the people who don't support you and find ones that do. However, I think you will be surprised. It will be tough at first, but people will come around. Good Luck

Answer 10

Unfortunately you aren't doing anybody a favor by hiding who you really are.   I think you should give honesty a shot.  But you have to start with yourself.

Answer 11

Why would you even put yourself in this position...or your kids?  You need to seek some counceling.  You can not keep lying to yourself.  Your kids will get older and be able to sense something is wrong.  And if you marry him...that will just cause way more havick on this situation.  But I wish you luck!

Answer 12

Oh poor you.  

You've led this guy on for years, you've given him what he thinks is the beginning of a family and instead he's going to end up with visitation and partial custody?

You've always had a choice...what you haven't had is courage and honesty.

You don't accept a marriage proposal from a man if you're a L*****n.

You don't get pregnant....twice....if you know you aren't in a happy relationship with some semblance of permenance and stability.

I'm not going to tell you what you "should" do...that's for you to figure out.  

But I can tell you that dishonesty and irresponsibility aren't going to get you very far.  

And I can also tell you that marrying a guy that you have no intentions of staying married to (because you've "always been g*y") is cruel and dumb.

On the one hand, you have an obligation to your children.

On the other you have the responsibility to be honest to yourself and to this guy.

You need to figure out what's more important in your life...but first things first....grow a pair...and start taking responsibility for yourself.

Answer 13

stop pretending, you are just going to kill yourself inside

you are not going to damage your children if they know you are g*y.

just be yourself.  in the long run, your children will thank you for it.

be honest with your fiance, he will eventually understand.

Answer 14

leave the guy, tell him your confused, since your children are young it won't be as difficult as if you'd wait untill they where older.

Answer 15

You can't live your life that way! You will never be completely happy.. and you could never make anyone else happy!

Answer 16

I think you have to be honest, or you will be really miserable not being able to really be who you are.

Answer 17

You have to be honest your kids will pick up on your misery, and be unhappy because you are unhappy, When you tell your fiance you have to make sure you tell him you have always known you were g*y if not he will hate you and feel like it was his fault. Good Luck

Answer 18

You must start planning a better future for all of your family.

1. Can you enlist your fiance to help you?

2. Can you plan for the children together?

You may be in a very lucky position and not realize it. Try to look at all your assets and advantages and work from that perspective.