Genital Herpes. . .Who to point the finger at?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We recently got engaged a 6 months ago. In june I had my first outbreak ever. I just couldn't understand how this had happend. He has never had an outbreak before and I have been 110% faithful in my relationship. How could it be that this is showing up now? I've asked my fiance to get tested, but as soon as I revealed that I thought he gave it to me he got very offended. He said he has never slept with a woman that has these symptoms and he has never had them himself. He says he does not want to take the test becuase if the results come back negative then that only means that I cheated on him and he would have to leave me.

I'm so scared... I KNOW I didn't cheat. But I don't want him to leave me for absoultly no reason at all. I don't know what to do or how to make any sense of this.

Please Help!!!

Answer 1

sorry to say, but it sounds like your soon-to-be husband is a jerk! You need to be worried about yourself and not him leaving you. If he leaves you over this serious of a situation and won't get tested you need to open your eyes; something is fishy here. He needs to get tested, he sounds guilty to me. He either cheated on you or knew he had it before and never told you. You need to figure this out before you marry this guy!

Answer 2

I cant help you, but yeah, if you had a cold sore you could have got herpes that way.

Answer 3

just because you haven't had a outbreak doesn't mean you haven't had it either of you could have had it. you can go years without having symptoms.

Answer 4

Answer this first:  Have either of you in the last two years ever had a FEVER BLISTER or COLD SORE?

Answer 5

the guy who gave it to me flipped out when i asked him to take a test, this is NOT a good sign that he wont take the test.... its kind of incriminating on his part... but like the person above me said, it can be dormant for years and most people who have it don't even know they have it. if he loves you, he will take the test. if you didnt cheat, then you could have had it for years from previous partners or he could have had it before you and didnt cheat, just didnt know he had it. there doesnt have to be an outbreak for someone to have it... good luck!  

Answer 6

I don't know much about Herpes and have learned a lot just from reading these posts...and I don't have it. I guess that it's important to remember that this is YOUR health, YOUR body, YOUR life and that YOU are important. So if he wants to get mad, or run from it,let him. Take care of YOURself.

Good luck.

Answer 7

There are quite a variety of ways that you and/or he could have gotten herpes.   As you know, it can be spread when no symptoms are present.  It can be spread from having recieved oral s*x.  It can lie dormant with no symptoms for years.    Without clear cut testing that prove that neither of you had herpes before you started dating, there is simply no way of knowing where this disease came from.    It's a hard truth, but there it is.

Herpes can do such difficult things to relationships.   The consolation prize for you is that you are going through this BEFORE you got married, instead of after.   Now you get to see how he deals with this sort of situation (suspicion of cheating, STDs, etc.)     In my book, his unwillingness to believe you (or get tested himself),  his arrogance in thinking that he knows the symptoms of any woman he's ever been with, his lack of concern for you in this stuation, his total denial that he could possibly have herpes,  all add up to a guy who is not worth keeping.  

For more info on genital herpes, I suggest the website below.   But if it were me, I would seriously think about leaving this guy.   I'm sorry.

Answer 8

No need to point the finger at anyone.  Herpes can lay dormant for years...in fact, some people have it and have NEVER had an outbreak.  Please have your fiance get tested as he may already have it. It does NOT have to come from cheating.  

It's also possible to spread it through oral s*x.  If your fiance has HSV1-cold sores it is possible to pass it to the genitals. I hope you two work it out without accusing each other.  

Answer 9

First of all, beware a man who angrily refuses to take STD tests! My ex husband acted offended that I didn't trust him when I asked him to get tested. Finally I let it go and he gave me herpes two weeks after I gave him my virginity. Turns out he was angry because he was guilty. He'd been doing that to women for over 25 years!

Second, it is possible to have it for a while before an outbreak shows up which means either you or your fiance could have had it for years. BUT, if you get tested right after your first outbreak, you can sort of place the timing. If your blood doesn't show positive yet, that means you were just exposed. If it does show positive, you've had it at least a couple months and can't get the timing any closer. Same with his blood. So, if you KNOW you didn't cheat and your blood isn't positive yet, you can be sure you just got it from him. If his blood doesn't show positive, you can be sure he just got it and had to have cheated. If his blood is positive, he's had it a while. If both of you show positive, it means both of you have had it a while and you can't know who gave it to who.

Third, just because he and his partners didn't have symptoms doesn't mean they don't have it. 90% of people with herpes never have noticeable symptoms. In fact, most STDs don't show symptoms, so a lack of symptoms is never proof that you don't have anything. I got herpes and HPV from my ex husband when he wasn't having symptoms.

Answer 10

If he refuse to take a test, then he knew he got herpes, maybe he had been taking valtrex daily but u didn't know. person on valtrex never had any breakout. He's a jerk, dump him, seem like he didn't really love u. What u need to do now  was go see doctor an take a blood test, not just for herpes, but also all other std. Make sure don't get herpes in your eyes, always wash your hand with soup after u had touch the infected area. take care of yourself, find a better guy who will love u and care for u.

Answer 11

80% of people that have herpes do not have symptoms and are unaware they are infected. It is COMPLETELY possible that he was infected prior to his relationship with you and didn't know it.

It is also possible, though less likely, that you have had the virus since before, and only just developed symptoms.

So if his results came back negative, it wouldn't mean you cheated.

It sounds like he is being horrible about it which is suspicious. It may be that while he has no symptoms he can pretend to himself that he definitely doesn't have it, while if he got tested and found out he had it he'd have to deal with it.

I was with my boyfriend for seven years when I caught it, and at least he was great about it and really supportive.

Do you know which type of herpes you have? I found out I had actually caught genital herpes hsv-1, which was because my boyfriend caught cold sores on his mouth as a child. 8 out of 10 adults have hsv-1 orally.

Just remember:

-no woman he slept with would have had to have symptoms to have infected him

-he wouldn't have had to have symptoms to BE infected

-he wouldn''t have to have had current symptoms to infect you

Sounds to me like he is in denial. Is he ok with sleeping with you? Shows no concerns about catching it?

I'd be thinking either he always knew he had it and didn't tell, or he realises deep down he must have infected you but isn't prepared to face the truth.

I wouldn't be happy to go on that way. I would demand that he got tested, saying I needed to know for my own peace of mind because I just wasn't comfortable having s*x with him until I knew whether I could infect him or not.

Answer 12

Look at Rochelle's answer........

Cold sore/ Herpes

Herpes/Cold sore

SAME !!!!!!!!