Gentlemen, what are your views about dating/marrying single mothers....

Question

The term "leftovers" has been thrown around in regards to single mothers. It also seems to be of popular opinion that the divorce must be due to a fault of the woman.

Are you able to view a woman as anything other than "leftovers" and consider the possibility that the woman may not be to blame for the divorce? Would you even consider having a serious relationship with a single mother, or is something you are dead set against? If the woman is able to financially provide for her children, does this change/help the view you have on dating single mothers?

Answer 1

Well my opinion on this question may be slightly warped because my mom was a single parents (parents got divorced before I turned 1), so I've never lived in 1 house. She also got remarried 3 times, and could never find the right person.

The 3 other guys...

1) Turned out to be a closeted alcoholic after they married... hid booze in closets and stuff, got very violent and emotionally unstable... was kicked out on his ***.

2) Was awesome, very cool. Very conservative and traditional, but one of the best guys I've ever met and known. They were engaged and in love but he couldn't stand living in the city, which is where my mom's law firm was. They split up but are still great friends.

3) Started off great, but showered her with money and then totally restricted her freedom. She couldn't do anything that he didn't want her to do because he controlled her, and that was the end of him.

So in my experience, it's the men who usually s***w things up... they're harder to judge at first too because they are more likely to hide their intentions and who they really are... generally women who aren't honest are easier to spot, so they don't get anywhere.

Answer 2

It depends on her personality, and the reason for the divorce.  

Answer 3

I would date a single mother.  It's really all a matter if she was able to move on with her life and look to the future.  There are a lot of great guys out there who are looking for a great woman.  Its got to be hard but get back on the horse, love your self and be confident.  Men find that attractive.  Don't let your situation or what others may or may not think run your life.  Get out there, be confident and s**y and you will find out that there are a lot of guys out there that will want to be a part of your life.

Answer 4

You know, I've seen them say that too. Another thing I see is, she married the bad guy who wouldn't stay with her, has his kids, then wants to move on to the good guy. Basically that good guys have to take care of her children.



I don't agree with this.  

Answer 5

As long as she is still willing to be s**y, I am still willing to date them. I have had good relationships with single mothers, but nothing turns me off more than when a woman falls into a "rut"

Answer 6

My take on it was that God brought me both a woman who needed a husband and a daughter who needed a father at the same time.  My view was and is that I was and am doubly blessed.

Answer 7

I view single moms as having alot of character (for the most part) in having to juggle alot of responsibilities.  And if the guy she was married to before was a jerk, then she'd appreciate and care for a good man that comes into her life.  Leftovers?  I think that's a term coined by women that look down their noses.  Remember the phrase "There but for the grace of God, go I".  

Answer 8

Well it worked out great for the Brady Bunch.  

Answer 9

First let me say my views are probably as close redneck as you'll find.

I'm not sure where you heard guys think it's the womans 'fault' I've never given the fault a thought, however there are stats that say women file for divorce at 2 or more times that of men.

Next, unless you're 12 years old , isn't everyone someones leftover ?

Lastly, as far as dating a woman with children ,there are 2 significant practicle problems to deal with.

The first is availabilty, with raising the kids as a priority, evenings and weekends are commonly filled with "kid stuff" , not always the best dating environment.A guy is going to want access to you.

The other is interaction with the kids, it can be a very sensitive area. Mom will eventually want her new squeeze to paticipate in "family" type of activities , but as less than a father ,he has no authority to discipline or input as to the kids behavior.Moms are ultra protective and this can be a source of tension.

**** Real world example****New squeeze visits mom and kids, one of the kids climbs up on the T.V.

New squeeze says " Hey ! what the h**l are you doing ?" grabs the kid and puts him back on the floor. Kid starts to cry !

Mom says " Who do you think you are disciplining MY kids ?!"

If you can trouble shoot these problem areas you will have eliminated the larger part of the negative aspect of dating a woman with kids.

Though the financial aspect is an issue, it's far less of one than you might imagine.

There is a category of guys who are very accepting of women with kids, they are divorced dads.

They will have a great deal of empathy for the situation and experience with kids.

Don't under value yourself, rather consider that your appeal may just be to a slightly narrower market.

Answer 10

Leftovers... what an ignorant concept .

Marry who you love , love who you marry .

Answer 11

I wouldn't. The reason I wouldn't is that when I was a kid I myself was 'the leftovers'. For some reason this makes me want to avoid the entire situation completely.

Answer 12

If she's a sweetheart you can't help yourself, it just happens.

Answer 13

Tough question to answer.  I did it and married the lady.  I was told not to by a family member but I did.  She loved her son more than me & many times I felt like an outsider.  I tried everything but in the end, and for all the time & money I spent, he doesn't call me.  It's as if I didn't exist to him.  He's a good kid but that's reality for some I guess.

Maybe it will work out for others.  

Answer 14

I would have to see why and in what circumstance she got the divorce before I make any judgment.  Anybody can get a divorce - no one gets married planning to get a divorce.

Answer 15

Doesn't make any difference, if you fall for the person you fall for the person.

Answer 16

Leftovers is a harsh term, wouldn't use it for anyone. Moreover, if you looked through divorce statistics, more than 2/3rd of them are filed by women. Seems they are not "left" but they leave.

But, to be honest I would look a little deeper. Why she was divorced even after a baby is a concern to me. Its a good predictor of her psyche and judgment. Though I must say unmarried mothers are not on my list. May be its not her fault, but surely to me it shows utter disregard for the institution of marriage and lack of judgment. But more importantly, I don't generalize. Only that at my age, early 20s , I won't date any of them. I can't handle two people at once.

I know same goes for men with a child.

Answer 17

Leftovers? No. Who would want anything to do with a man who would call a person that?.

If I was looking for a relationship I would consider an sm.

Her being independent and f/s would be a big bonus.

Answer 18

Guy's don't generally care if you have a child. I met a guy when my boyfriend and I split and he wanted to move in with me and pay most of my bills and he played with my son and told him he loved him and everything! I ended up making the guy leave though because I really wanted to be with my sons father, so now I'm back with my sons father and we are living together. But, even though you asked for a mans opinion, I can tell you that there are certain men who will love you and your child. You just have to find the right guy!

My neighbor downstairs just had his second child with a woman he met (who was a single mother of one when they met). They are living happily together and he treats her child the same as he treats his own.

It's discouraging feeling like you have "extra baggage" and feeling like you are someones "leftovers" but you know the old saying "one mans trash is another mans treasure" and that rings true, even today.

Good luck! Don't settle for any guy just because you have a kid. In fact, having a kid should make you aim for an even better man! Sometimes a stepfather can be 100 times better than a real father.

Answer 19

well for me it depends on how many kids if it was more than 3 I would feel awkward always being with other people kids, but I mean I believe that love has no boundaries but anyways my brother married a woman 3 weeks ago, she is 3 months pregnant with his kid and she has 2 others 1 boy being 7 and another boy being 2 and he has 2 I girl being 7 and 1 boy being 5 She is 28 he is 30, she is the manager of a grocery store and he is a doctor. But as in concerns to that My brothers to kids were from a previous marriage his wife died because she went into a diabetes coma when her youngest was 3, but his wife had 2 different boyfriends her 2 boys are half siblings, in fact one is black and one is Caucasian. Well that is what I have to say. And they love each other and their kids treat each other like siblings. They were together for 2 years before marriage he wanted to make sure that they were compatible.  

Answer 20

i definitely dont automatically assume that its the woman's fault that she got divorced. i would date a single mother. i dont prefer it though. because she will always love her kids more than me. and she will always be busy with them. and i am the type who wants all the attention on me. so i dont prefer it, but i would do it.  

Answer 21

The term leftovers?

I believe that is the term used for useless, worthless, meaningless loser guys with nothing going for themselves earning their living by panhandling off of charity organizations and then having the audacity to claim they " volunteered " for the organization.

Leftover garbage dump would be the term for each louse.

Answer 22

If she was strong enough to deal with it and move on from it as a responsible and stable individual, it would be shameful to call her "leftovers." The past is just that--the past. New relationship, clean slate.

Would I marry a single mother? Probably not. My relationship to her would take a higher priority than anything else. It's why I don't want kids. My commitment would be to my wife first, with everyone else a distant second. The kids would often play second fiddle to her, and would suffer for it.

Answer 23

This is the question that has the answer that referrs to single women as leftovers....http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...  Bhkberger I think is the answerer.