Get dad to shape up...

Question

My fiance and I decided to ask his dad (not really that involved after the divorce) for a little help with the wedding. My 'rents are paying for most of the $20G wedding, his mom is handling the rehersal dinner, and we asked his dad to chip in to help with the bar tab. We didn't expect him to take the whole thing (we're doing an open bar and a wine pour with dinner), but to chip in whatever he thought was appropriate. He offered 2G, but put up a fuss about the bar, saying he doesn't drink that much, he didn't wan to be liable, etc. My parents asked him to just send them the check then, and they'll apply it elsewhere on the catering bill. Turns out, dad-in-law sent it directly to the caterer (that's ok, tho), but then had it earmarked for the bar tab, and requested to have a final copy of the entire bill sent to him as well, so he can see the final bar tab. Those were his exact words he used...we saw the request in the file at the hall. I'm not sure why he needs to see the bill (does he want to make sure the bill is over 2G?...or is he maybe willing to pick up a littl beyond that if it goes over?), but my parents are really not comfortable having him see the entire rest of their bill. What would you do????

Answer 1

Well, I guess you can ask the catering company to send him only the bar tab portion if you want to avoid fuss but I would call and let him know that you saw the request and that if he is uncomfortable paying the bar tab, he should let you know.  It sounds like he only wants to pay what is charged at the bar and doesn't want his portion going anywhere else.  This could become a major thing, so, if it's not worth it to you, you may want to just tell him to forget it.

Answer 2

Hi Courtney and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Really, I don't see a problem.  Simply tell your banquet facitility that you want two final bills.  One for just the bar tab that can go to your father-in-law, and then another one for the entire banquet including the bar tab that can go to your parents.

For my daughter's wedding, the groom's family paid the bar tab.  The Monday following the wedding, I went in to make the final payment (on the food bill).  I have NO idea what the bar bill was....it was separated and not included on my bill so I never saw it.

I am sure your banquet facility can do this.  Believe me, you will not be the first that has asked them to do this.

Good luck and I hope that this solves the problem!  

Answer 3

i would say pay him his money back thank him but say that hes restrictions are causing too many waves and i know turning down 2 thousand will be hard but at least you can do what you want and you wont have to worry about offending your parents and if you need cut the open bar time in half or give each couple a set about of drink tickets a plus side to this would be the feeling of pride you would get knowing that your parents wernet paying for evrything that you were contributing too if none of these options work for you then you should talk to you your parents and tell them who cares if he sees the final bill his opinion shouldnt matter to them your their daughter then can do anything for you and your wedding they want good luck and congrats

Answer 4

I agree that the contract is between you and teh vendor (or whoever signed the contract).  The caterer has no obligation to send him a copy of the bill and in fact since he is not the client they should not be sending the bill to him.

I would just let it go.  Have the caterer give you a copy of the bill when it's all said and done and show him the bar tab only if he asks.

Answer 5

I for one am absolutely amazed that someone would have the 'nads to ask anyone, even a "rent" (LOL) for money to pay for THEIR wedding...   but hey I guess one act of bad class deserves another.  Your families were meant for each other.

Answer 6

I would not have asked someone to give me money for the wedding.  That's rude, ungrateful, and very selfish.

You want $2K for the bar tab, then work some longer hours.  If someone OFFERS then great, but you don't go and ask for money.  And since he's paying for the bill, even if only 10%, he has every right to see it.  

Beggers can't be choosy.  That's what happens when you ask someone for money.  Next time, pay for it yourself.

Answer 7

The contract is between you and the caterer, or your parents and the caterer.  If he wishes to see the bar bill, then you should allow him to see the bar bill, but since YOU are the one with the contract then YOU get to decide what gets seen and what doesn't.  Have a little sit-down with the caterer and explain tactfully what side her bread is buttered on, so to speak.  Have the caterer draw up two bills - one for the food, and one for the bar, and then your FFIL can see the bar tab only and the main food bill can stay between you, the caterer and your parents.  The caterer can be the one to explain to him, "I'm sorry, but the business relationship between you and I is with regard to the bar bill.  I have a separate bill for the supper with Mr. & Mrs. Whatsis, but you can contact them to see a copy of their bill if you like."

Answer 8

You asked for his help so now you have to deal with the consequences. If the caterer can easily split the bill, fine. If not then you're SOL. Next time don't be so fast to ask for money.

Answer 9

Since he's being so petty then you're within your rights to do so. Talk to the caterer and see if the bar tab can be sent to your FFIL without needing to include the rest of the bill.

Answer 10

I would return his contribution and never ask him for money again. It's not worth it.