Getting a divorce... any words of wisdom?

Question

I'm in my late 20's and I'm getting my first divorce. I love my husband with all my heart but he just isn't attracted to me anymore. I've known this for a while and staying with him is killing my self esteem and my self worth.

I'm financially dependent on my husband, as I thought we would be starting a family and we'd be together forever (silly me). It will take me a few months before I can find a place to live. Family isn't an option.

Anyways, does anyone have any pearls of wisdom for me? Any advice?

Answer 1

divorce is aways one of the hardest things u will ever have to go through,u will need to get a job, maybe join a support group,find a good non judge mental friend who will be there for u.don't blame yourself for this it was something that was out of your control.divorce is ugly, the one u thought loved u doesn't anymore, and it will hurt your self esteem, but your self worth doesn't hinge on this man. its not what happened but how u deal with it. hold your head high and keep your dignity.

Answer 2

Get a job, get a life, and don't look back!!!

Answer 3

Yes, stay strong, there is life after first marriages....One time divorcee. Good luck.

Answer 4

friends are their for life ask them for help

also get a job asap

Answer 5

It may not feel like it but it's a chance to start over and make your life anything you want it to be. Please check into grants, you might qualify for several of them. It will probably take quite a while to get over this and building an educational and financial foundation right is the best possible thing to do. Any rebound while you're hurting is not a good idea.

As for your husband, at least he's been honest. I know that sounds very harsh and I apologize, but I was in your situation and found out in the worst way that he was with someone else.  I know it's trite to say there's someone better out there. How about there's someone who is good enough to deserve you?  Your soon-to-be ex obviously doesn't.

I wish you the best in future. Don't let your ex push you into any fast decisions. He owes you the time to sort things out.

Answer 6

Divorce is very, very hard to go through.  A dream of what is, and, what was to be, is what dies here, separate/different than the relationship itself.

I have heard psychologists say that it takes about 1 year for every 4 years married to heal.  I believe this is true.

You can heal yourself, and life will get better, but, it will take time.

Answer 7

Friends are always there for each other. Ask one of your friends if you can stay with them until you can find a stable place to live. If my friend came to me after a divorce I would welcome her to my home with open arms. After all, if you stayed there it wouldn't be for too long. And next time you marry someone don't be financially independent on him! Not a smart move.  

Answer 8

Before you leave, set yourself up with a job or getting yourself some further education. If you have any particular interests start going to some groups that involve this. Things that you are good at and familiar with a good for a self esteem boost.

I am not advising you to steal his money but start putting little bits away when possible (save on day to day items) to help with a bond and so forth.

Be kind to yourself and believe in what you are doing and remember that you are doing yourself a favour by letting go.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Hi!

Marriage is not just about attraction. As per psychologists research,  after a few years of marriage the attraction is lost. But that does not mean that every couple should go for a divorce. You love your husband. Love your husband such that your love will make him change for you.

Regarding self esteem & self worth.

Your attitude is everything. Don't have negative attitude. Always think positive. Just give him loads of love. Believe me, one day he will love you more than you do.

Please, don't go for divorce. It is not that easy. Whatever efforts & energy you will apply for divorce put all those efforts & energy to make your relationship good.

If you want more help from me then you can always mail me. My id is: [e-mail].  

I wish you will be always together ever after, a happily married couple.

Best of Luck.  

Answer 10

Hugs!!!

I'm so sorry for what is happening to you.  Nothing can prepare you for a divorce.  You might feel bad about your decision to financially rely on your husband during your marriage.  Yet, at the time you didn't have any indication that things would turn this way.  I saw a woman on a talk show a couple of months ago ragging on women for not preparing themselves for divorce.  But preparing for the worst at all times isn't a way to live.  People spend their lives working for companies that later lay them off, fire them or go belly up.  People invest money in houses and later the market fails and they lose their investment.  Life is a series of risks.  Anyways, what I'm trying to say is don't feel bad about your choices.  You can never 100% prevent misfortune.  You put your life into your marriage, it might have paid off but like everything it had risks.

I hope you get something out of the marriage.  Hopefully your husband will let you live with him until your on your feet.  Try and set ground rules like no dates (from either of you) coming to the house.  Since you helped build up his career you should get money from the divorce.  Hopefully you can get alimony.

In the mean time try to find employment.  Any employment is good at this point.  It's a good way to get your mind off things, meet new people and build new memories.  

I hope everything goes well.  

Answer 11

Dont ever look back. men are jerks. remeber women are always stronger than men, so in the end some day ull be good and h**l be struggling for help. also remember this money is not everything :)