Getting engaged and not asking her father?

Question

I will be getting engaged soon to my girlfriend that I been with for almost six years. I have been living with her for a couple of years and I do not want to ask her father for her hand in marriage. I'm not close to her parents at all. Do people ask fathers today or is it a "old-fashion" ? I'm 29 and she is 28. So is it bad if I don't or it doesnt matter since we been living together?

Answer 1

My fiance didn't ask my father and it's all good.  I wasn't offended nor was my family.  :)  Go for it!

Answer 2

Although you think it is old fashion, look at it this way.  You stand to have a lasting marriage with family support, not aggression.  They are probabily old fashion, and in such, are miffed that you chose to live with their daughter instead of waiting till married.  If you want a better chance at your marriage succeding, swollow your pride, and ask her father and admit that you should have long ago.  It makes no difference, if he says no you probibly will anyways, but it might make things better in the long run for a few words.  Words are cheap, Divorces are not..

Answer 3

my fiance and i are not old fashioned at ALL, however my parents are! we have already been living together for over a year when he proposed...he knew how my parents were, and didn't ask my dad 'permission'  but did call him (he meant to do it in person, but we were out of town the day he spontaneously asked me to marry him) and asked for his 'blessing' , i think it was his way of showing respect to my parents...even though we had already done a big no-no by living together....but it meant alot to them, and if you plan on being with your girlfriend for the rest of you life, you need to remember the one big fact....you don't have to LIKE your in-laws, but have to learn to love/accept them...it will make things smoother in the longrun if you do have some sort of relationship with them...think about your future kids etc etc... hope it works out,  good luck!

Answer 4

My fiance asked my father (well my parents because my mom was there too) for his blessing before he proposed.  I was really honoured that he did that, and my father found that so respectful.

It wasn't like he needed my father's permission, but it was more of a respect thing because I am very close with my parents and I am a daddy's girl.  Also, it was something that I had always wanted my future husband to do, because I am a very traditional girl in that sense.  

I guess it's up to you and what your future bride will think, but I don't think parents/fathers expect it these days.

Answer 5

My guy didn't ask. No one cared. My Father was happy. Get the ring!  

Answer 6

I wouldn't ask , chances are he already knew you'd ask onday , since youre living together.  My fiance didn't ask my dad.  And everything was fine.  

Answer 7

My husband didn't ask my father, and we were married 20 years ago.  However, my 2 youngest sisters just got married this past year, both husbands officially asked Dad before proposing.  Dad then called up my hubby and my other sister's hubby (they've been married 20 years too) and told them they were slackers, and he thinks he let them get off easy with his 2 oldest daughters.  ;-)  He was joking, of course, but he did tell everyone how great it made him feel that his 2 newest sons in law respected him enough as the father of the girl he wanted to marry to ask for her hand first.  It also went a long way towards smoothing their way into a new family, since my family is rather close knit.  

So, to answer your question, no you do not have to formally ask her father for her hand in marriage.  BUT, if you want to score points with your future father in law, it won't hurt.  I don't think he'll think less of you if you don't ask, but he'll certainly be impressed if you do.  

Good luck!

p.s.  One of my sisters was already living with her fiance as well, and he still called Dad up and asked.

Answer 8

My fiance' asked my dad and he LOVED it and wasn't expecting it. I know he would been okay if he didn't, but LOVED that he did. Now he respects him more, because he had the guts to ask him.

It's totally up to you.

Answer 9

My DH didn't "ask" my father for my hand in marriage.  However, as a sign of respect & out of tradition, he did TELL my father he was going to propose.  I think it was a great moment for the two of them to share.  My father appreciated it, I appreciated it & my husband appreciated it.  Very worth it!

Answer 10

Do you think that she would want you to ask her parents for their blessing? It might be old fashioned, but it's still a sign of respect to them that you are including them on this. I take that they accept you if you have been living together already. Just tell them that you are going to ask their daughter to marry you and you would like their blessing. It only takes a couple minutes and they will be honored that you asked them.

Answer 11

Some people still do, but my husband didn't ask my dad.  I know it would have felt really awkward for everybody involved if he had.  If you are not sure, you should check with her if her dad is expecting it or not.

Answer 12

i don't think men really ask fathers anymore. i think that's an old fashioned rule. i know my hubby didn't ask his permission. he was 30 i was 26, we were living together too.

i wouldnt worry about it - i don't think you need to ask him

Answer 13

yeah i would say that asking the father for permission to marry your girl is pretty old fashioned. but if you aren't close to the parents and it might cause some negative drama i wouldn't ask. every body's different but you don't want any bad thoughts to stop you from having the best day of your life go bad so i would suggest for you to not ask.

Answer 14

It's old fashioned, and quite unnecessary.  Go for the gold ring.

Answer 15

My fiance explained to me and to my parents that he would have liked to ask their blessing, but as he didn't really have a good way of talking to them without me finding out, we just told them once he asked. It's not really appropriate to ask their permission, because she is the one who says yes or no. By this point they should know if they're willing to have you in their family, and should have expressed their reservations to their daughter if they have any.

Short answer: Let them know, ask their blessing, but not their permission, she is the one who's permission you need.