Getting married at a young age?

Question

Whenever a younger couple around the ages of 18-20 gets married why are some people so quick to jump to conclusions and say that they will be divorced or not happy? There are a lot of younger mature people out there who are ready to get married and a lot more of them who aren't. My parents who have been married for 18 years got married at 18 and 19 along with both of my grandparents and my uncle, all of them are still happily married. What is your opinion? Mine is that if your truly mature enough and have had plenty of clear time to think about it go ahead, but if you haven't you should give it time.

Answer 1

It's not just that we think you will get divorced, because you probably really love each other; that isn't that at all.  It's that we want you to experience being an individual for a few years.  Time to be on your own, without going from being a son w/parents to a being a man w/wife right away.  To be individual, to exist in that state, work on becoming "YOU" in a perfected state.  Grow as an individual.  It's not anything about your girlfriend, I'm sure she's nice.  You have your whole life to be committed and have children, and a short window to have this "me" time. We want you to be committed to yourself for a bit.   Go to college or start your career, be independent, whatever, THEN get married.  That is why I want my kids to wait.  They're barely out of the house getting used to taking care of themselves for the first time in their lives.   In general, I think that is why people jump to conclusions about you, because we still see you as kids.  We want every good thing for you.  If you have considered all this and you still want to get married, then do it, it will make you happy.  No reason to think you can't do it together.   By the way, I have kids 19, 18, 17, 15, 15, 10 and 6. (2 step kids)  I remember those days when it was all about me and I did what I wanted, and I'm glad I could go to college and live on my own.    I got married at 21 and wish I would have waited longer, there were still some things I wanted to do that I have never been able to do....yet.  Life goes by quicker the older you get, you will blink and your babies will be here, blink again, they're grown.  Good luck to you!

Answer 2

The main reason is that those of us who are well past their teens have the benefit of hindsight to realize that we all change a great deal during our early 20s. It’s not as if no one can ever get marred at 18 and stay married forever.  It’s just advisable to get to know yourself a little better before promising the rest of your life to someone else.

Answer 3

Yep I only now one person who got married at 19 and their still together. Some people only think at that age your not ready because you just finished High school and your still questioning what you want to do in life. So people see getting married at a young age as a bad thing. But in my opinion everyone is different, different strokes for different folks.  

Answer 4

The overarching element here is maturity. At age 18, 20, 25, we all believe we have the life experiences and knowledge necessary to be married. Well, marriage is very very hard because life is very very hard. If you CAN find someone with whom you can communicate openly, honestly, completely and thoroughly, you can keep it together.

But, life happens, people change, and communication breaks down.

Answer 5

Everyone is different. I think it's terrible to judge whether someone's marriage will work just according to their age. If you truly love someone then it will work.  

Answer 6

i'm getting married next august and i'll be almost 21 by then my fiance will be turning 22.  We both live together now and pay for all our bills and our independent on our own.  i think if your ready to get married then do it!  

Answer 7

Hey! I'm 20 and so is my fiance. We have been engaged since last Sept so we are "young". It amuses me when people jump to conclusions, a lot of them have NO idea what some people have been through in life and shouldn't throw opinions out there... People are different,believe me my very best friend who is my maid of honor vows that she will not get married until she is 35.... Mind you her parents were divorced when she was 10? Does that have something to do with it? You tell me! Now, my parents were married at age 20 as well,still happy after 18 years! My grandparents had dated since they were 15 and they are now in their 60's Happy as can be! Same with the Great grandparents.  You are totally right on the maturity thing. It takes a strong couple that is willing to work at relationships to make it these days! If you aren't willing to grow after the "puppy love" stage marriage probably isn't the best thing to look into :)! So at whatever age you are at I believe marriage CAN work, you just have to be willing to work at different things in each others lives.

Check out the book 5 Love Languages, teaches you how to fill your spouses "love tank." Great book for the newly engaged...or the couple who needs a little pick-me-up :)

All in all YOU'RE Right :)

Answer 8

I completely agree with you. There is no magic age that makes you ready to get married. If you are truly ready, mature, willing to go to any extent to make it work, go into it going "this is forever" and many other factors then I say go for it. Some people mature at different rates, I'm one of those people that hit it a little early. I'll be 20 when I get married to my fiancé (he'll be 25) and the people that truly know my fiancé and I support us 100% and our friends see us as an inspiration (I'm not being conceded we've actually been told this by various male and female friends). I also do not believe in living together before marriage, although that alone has nothing to do with my decision to commit to marriage. My decision felt as natural as getting a drink of water when I'm thirsty. I fell in love, I have a best friend in that person, and I couldn't imagine not spending the rest of my life without him in it and I've had many many positive role models when it comes to a successful marriage. My aunt got married at 16 and is still happily married over 30 yrs later. My parents got married at 21 &23 and have been happily married 36yrs.

Marriage isn't easy no matter what age you go into it. You just have to be willing to put everything you've got into it and work hard to make all of your dreams come true. Yes it is probably a little harder when you're younger but that just means you have to work a little more and in my opinion when it comes to love there is nothing better to work/fight for.

Answer 9

Outside of the legality issue, I don't think age should play much of a part in your decision to get married.  Numerical age is just that - a number.  I know so many people who are older (late 20's and into the 30's) who are still too immature and shouldn't get married.

My husband and I got married young.  My sister and brother, 4 and 3 years older, are still a lot younger than my husband and I.

Answer 10

The age old question...  Does age matter???

Well,  I say only if you let it be a factor...

It's only a # after all!  I think couples should be in a healthy relationship & that they should understand all the legality's of married life, before they take the walk!  As they say real love only grows stronger with age...  It's great that your family is so solid but unfortunately not all married couples get that lucky.  There are many reason's a marriage fails.  To place blame soley on age is a bit silly!  Most of the time it's a combination of different factor's, one may be age or maturity levels...  All in all only the couple knows if they work...  Only they can decide to take that life changing jump!  

Answer 11

For SOME reason back on "our parents" day of getting married right out of high school and college. They were TEN TIMES more mature than 18-23 year olds now.

We have the electronic age. 18 year old husband playing Wii all day still deciding if he wants college or not. Texting, chatting, etc.

We are SO lazy nowadays? Back then by 30...THIRTY women AND men were out of the house.

HOW MANY people do you know over 25 STILL live with mom and dad...Mature right?

How many people are taking 2 classes a semester at a community college or getting a trade because their too lazy and "don't like" school?

Lazy!

Answer 12

With a 50% divorce rate saying 'it won't last' about any marriage is bound to come up, eh?

Why are you worrying about what other people think?  

Answer 13

Many of my relatives were married young, only 2 of them are now divorced. My friends got married 2 weeks ago, they were 21, and 19, and have been best friends for over 10 years, so I have faith  that their marriage will work. I think the problem is that some young people get so involved in the idea of getting married and the big day, but they underestimate the longevity of their relationship, and some aren't truly ready. I have faith in marriage though, so I like to be optimistic, if people want their marriage to work, they will make it work. I am engaged, I have been with my fiance for over 4 years, since I was 14-1/2, many people thought we wouldn't make it this far, but we have, and I couldn't be any happier. How many people aged 19 and 21 can say that they own their own home, have finished college, and are planning a wedding, not many. Most of the people I know who are my age are working at part-time jobs and drinking their money away on the weekends in bars. Being objective about yourself and your maturity level is impossible. You have to be honest with yourself about how mature your relationship is, work on it daily, and when/if you are ready, then take the plunge! Keep your faith in marriage as well!

Answer 14

I'm skeptical of it because  the majority of my older family members are divorced, and cited the reason being, "we were  too young and grew apart because we didn't know what we wanted."

I know that when I was 18-20, I thought I had the world figured out and I knew everything. I graduated college, lived on my own, got a real job, and that all changed. I did the most of my changing from the ages of 20-24, and the changes, while not drastic, form the person I am today. If I had gotten married to my college boyfriend, we would not have lasted because we're two completely different people now.

So yeah, some young love that turns into marriage does last. My aunt and uncle got married at 19, have two kids and are happily married. But that's rare. There no rush to get married these days ... no pressure  to pop kids out at the age of 21. Why rush into it? Why not change and grow together, then get married at 25, 26, or even 30? Couples have the option to live together now, too ... so why not try that?

I just don't see the point when there's no rush to get married.

Answer 15

My best friend was 21 when she married her husband, who was 19. I didn't think it was a good idea at the time, and now 4 years later they're going through a messy divorce (they own a house, one car and some pets and neither of them want to give those things to the other). That said, my uncle got married at 18 and 35 years later they're still together. So sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I personally am really glad I didn't get married at that age (after 5 years I broke up with the guy I was dating from 18-23) because I've done *so* many amazing things that I would never have done if I'd married the guy I was with back then. Now I'm with an incredible guy, I've travelled the world, lived/worked/studied in three other countries, I have two degrees, etc.

But, different strokes for different folks, as they say!  

Answer 16

I agree with you 100% I was 14 when i started dating my husband and we've been together ever since.  

Answer 17

My issue is that nobody can be objective about themselves and say whether or not they are really that mature for their age.  I remember thinking I was more mature than other 18 year olds when I was that age, but looking back with years more of experience, I realize that wasn't true.  

I just don't ever see any harm to waiting.  You have a lot to potentially gain and nothing to lose.  My parents started dating when they were 16 and pretty much always expected that they'd end up married.  They waited until they were 22 and got married then, and are still together many years later.  I was older when I started dating my husband, but I also waited seven or eight years to get married even though from very early on we believed we would always be together.  We knew we were serious about our commitment to each other, and didn't have to have a wedding right away to prove it.