Getting married right after high school!help?!?

Question

my cousin (my role model basically..or so i thought) is getting married RIGHT after high school to a boy she's only known for a year!i really don't want her to make this mistake, but its her descision, not mine...and she's only dated 1 guy before him!she says its because he wants to go in the army and he says it will be better if they are married before he goes in...she hasn't even told her mom yet!and i don't know what to do...it seems like a mistake cuz she hasn't gotten to know other guys and stuff....well, what do i do?should i just not interfere?

Answer 1

She will probably end up divorced. Being so young, ur still niave. VREY RARLY, will a high school relationship last forever.She shouldn't do it.

Answer 2

I think you should have a serious conversation with her. Tell her the (bad) things that could happen if she does marry him. And give her reasons to not do it. Tell her that she is free to do what she wants, you just want her to know how you feel about it.

Ask her to talk to her mom BEFORE she makes her decision.

After you express how you feel, then its all up to her. Just let her know you'll be there for her no matter what.

xox- Julie

Answer 3

If she were older and they had been together longer I would say getting married before he goes to basic training is a good idea because then she'll still receive military benefits.

HOWEVER

Since they haven't been together for very long and she probably has non clue what a military relationship is like she should wait as Least until he completes basic training to decided whether or not she actually wants to be married.

Unfortunately - if she does marry him straight out of high school chances are very high they'll end up divorcing pretty quickly. Military relationships are very difficult and the women in them have to be extremely independent. He'll be at basic training for 10 weeks then have 10 days leave then report to AIT (which varies in length depending on his MOS but I believe the shortest is 9 weeks). Not to mention army tour of duties are 15 months. <- Share that information with her and see what she says.

Other than that - there's really nothing you can do other than try and talk some sense into her.

Answer 4

i would if she thinks she wants 2 i whant to get married so bad i already am pregnate @ the age of 16 so i cant get married yet but soon!   u should try s*x if u havent!   it iso horneyy!!!!!!!!!!!!  .................... yah!

Answer 5

The only thing you can do is have a polite conversation with her about your thoughts on why this might not work out so good. If she doesn't agree with you there's sadly not much more you can do just let her know your concerned and mean it sincerly.

Answer 6

omg same with my friend elizabeth (izzy/lizzy)

Answer 7

I married the FIRST person I really dated. We had only known each other 8 months before he proposed(this was in December after we graduated) in 2003. We were married in December of 2004 and have been married since. He was 20 and I was 19. He also left for a deployment two months after us getting married.

My situation is very much like your cousin's. Just because you do not agree with it doesn't mean it's not right for her. When you love someone and want to be with them forever you just know. It doesn't matter if you've been dating for 5 months or 5 years. I knew, without a doubt, that I wanted to marry this man 3 months into our dating.

You can obviously express your concerns but don't tell her she's not your role model anymore and you think she's making a huge mistake. That isn't necessarily the case. And even if it is it is HER mistake to make. Why not support her instead? It's hard getting married young and she'll need the support and love of her family, especially if she's marrying a military man.

Answer 8

not every relationship works out like this but my parents got married right after high school too and they only knew eachother for three months.  now they've been married for 17 years.  if your friend truly loves this person than encourage her and be there for her if it doesn't work out but don't interfere.  this is a decision which will affect her life and only she can make the decision.  tell her your concern if you want but also remember to remind her that your there for her.

Answer 9

Your last sentence sez it all.  

If you pee in your bed, you gotta lie in it. That's the way it is.

Answer 10

In the end it is her decision but you are right for trying to talk her out of it. Maybe you can convince her to wait at least a year and if they still feel the same about each other, then give them your blessings.  And if she agrees to waiting maybe you can talk her into doing something constructive like going to college, even if it's only the community college. If she waits there is a good chance her feelings will change.

Answer 11

Really?

A text message?

...

REALLLLLY?

You're right.  It is her decision.  But it really doesn't sound like this courtship is well thought out.  Being an army wife (alone for months at a time while their husbands are risking their lives in foreign parts of the world, the knowledge that their partners may not be there for significant events like births, anniversaries, deaths of relatives, whatever, the idea that there is a significant chance they could die any day) is TOUGH.  It's not all sunshine and roses.  I think she'd be better off waiting until after the first tour in the military.  I hear that's the hardest - because afterwards you know what to expect.  Then she'd really know if she's ready for such a big committment.

Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly.

I'd tell my cousin that you're concerned about her, tell her (calmly without crying or getting angry) what bothers you about this, but do show that, no matter what she decides, you will support her in her decision.

I wouldn't make a big deal of the fact that she's only dated one guy - My mother only dated my father and they've been married 30-odd years.  I'd make a bigger point out of the fact that they haven't known each other a long time, they're both very young, and the fact that the marriage seems rash and rushed.  Marriage is a huge commitment.  Is she ready to raise a family with him?  Is she ready for a mortage?  Is she ready to be committed to a man who's probably going to be in Iraq?  I know it sounds petty and stuff, but I know a girl who got engaged to a guy who was going overseas - she felt like it would make it better, it would show how much she loved him.  But a month without somebody to cuddle with and go on dates with, and do couple-y stuff and she cheated.  It made the situation MUCH worse.

Answer 12

You should sit down and talk with her. It's not a good idea. Plus if he's going to join the army, he will be away from her for boot camp, and he might even have to go to iraq. Which means less time to even get to know him.

Answer 13

I'd gently talk about this with her. Just because he is leaving does NOT mean they should get married. Being newlyweds is incredibly difficult, and if he isn't there to endure learning how to be married and how to be her husband, how will their relationship last? When you talk to her, make sure you make it clear that its not that you have a problem with the guy, its that you have a problem with the actions shes taking with him. Otherwise she'll feel the need to get defensive for her boy instead of hearing your concern for her plans for marriage. This is really going to be sensitive for her because she must think she loves him. But loving him doesnt mean she needs to marry him immediatly. They should wait until he gets back from boot camp or if he gets deployed, Iraq. That way if theyre still together, then they have been together a while and have lasted through his absence. If they dont last during that time, then they probably wouldn't have lasted if they had been married.

Answer 14

Talk to your mom about it

Answer 15

Well, i am with you that is young. I am 25, and i guess i should not be talking. I got married right in the middle of college, cept i had known my husband since i was 11 years old! We grew up together. Ive now been married to him for 6 amazing years. But proposing through text?? That doesnt sound so very special! If you dont think they really love eachother talk to her about it. You might be suprised they could really love eachother more then you could think.

But it is young...

Answer 16

She will end up divorced most likely and no I don't think

you should interfere! She is making a mistake and will regret

having a husband in the army when she is so young. No effense

what so ever she will probably cheat because she will get

lonely and needs to have someone at home with her when ever

she needs him!

Answer 17

First of all, your hair looks like emo :)

Secondly, if you feel that something is wrong with this guy, or your cousin isn't ready for anything that serious, yeah try and interfere but do it politely or she might stop talking to you!

Also, after high school is just too early for this thing...

Hmm... let the guy go in the army first.

It's actually worse for the guy, not the girl, because he hasn't even been in the army and he wants to marry?

He needs to grow up! Seriously!

Answer 18

Well, that's a year away, and a lot can happen in a year.  Don't get too torqued about it.  She hasn't told her mom yet, because she KNOWS her mom is going to go into orbit when she tells her, and she doesn't want to deal with it right now. That means she's not completely sure . . .

Ultimately, it's her decision -- you can tactfully discuss it with her, but don't lecture her, it just makes her defensive.

Answer 19

what do you think your going to do...stop the wedding..no matter what u do or say shes gonna do what she wants to do..its one thing to give your opinion when she asks for it but u can't make her change her mind..only she can do that..so sorry but she'll probably just have to find out the hard way..